The year of 2001 is now at an end. As of right now, I'm telling myself that there was a lot of change involved. My friends have been well defined in 2001. I made a list of 28 lifetime goals for myself and ended up acheiving only two of them. Some of the goals I've set for myself aren't going to help me at all. In fact, some of them, I'm too scared to attempt. Now, I'm not suggesting that the past year was a failure, but it sure as hell wasn't a success. Right now, I don't know what I've done for myself for the past year. I haven't been doing all too well in college since I started. I'm driving myself broke. I'm not in the best physical shape I'd like to be in. I'm single. I've been lazy and irresponsible. I still work in the "you suck as a server, but we need you" table stations at work. I'm not even a cantor in the choir I've been in for 6 years. I have no awards for anything. I didn't even qualify for any scholorships or grants. I feel like I lost my connection with my confirmation students. Despite what I have told you...I have NO IDEA what I want to do with my life. Oh and I've been told that I'm "too busy" for some of the people in my life and at times, I feel so distant from everyone...I keep telling myself that things will change and that I'll be truly happy with myself. Am I?! no... You know why? I haven't come to grips with my own reality. The sad part is that I don't even know what it is.

Don't tell me that I'm being hard on myself. Don't tell me that it's not true. Don't convince me that I have a purpose. Don't reassure me by telling me that "it's gonna be okay." Don't think that I'm not grateful for anything in 2001. It's just that maybe I took too many things for granted. Now the rotted fruits of my labor (lack there of), have been made obvious to me. I'm fully aware that I haven't been noticed for anything that I do, and I can care less. Just remind me that I exist.

WAKE UP MARK...YOU CAN'T TELL YOURSELF ALL OF THIS BS ANYMORE...Do something already...