Thursday, March 27, 2003

Fuck it. Fuck them. I'm quitting Islands and I'm not "just saying it" this time. I deserve better than to work with that godawful company. The money sucks and most people don't know how to tip there. I have NO seniority after working there for almost 3 years. My co-workers that haven't been there half as long as I have are getting moved up and I just keep sinking lower and lower. FUCK them. I get no respect there. Who's ass do I have to tap to get the treatment and hours I deserve? I really like a lot of my co-workers but it's not worth it to me anymore. I need to move up to a classier restaurant with customers who would recognize good service. I may get along with a lot of my co workers, but I know that most of them don't give a flying fuck about me. I'm tired of them. I'm tired of the being the restaurant "pee on." I know that they'll beg me to stay when I give my 2 weeks. Everyone wants to jump this ship. I want to be the first jump off. I hate the way I'm regarded there. They can step on some other trusting dumbass.

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I felt good today. My bro called me during work with the good news and that just set the tone for the rest of the day.

My group gave me some good vibes today. I felt really connected with them today and I needed something keep my mood going. Everything was going well until I noticed some bad vibing. It kinda sucked that I was getting such a cold shoulder from him. If there's a problem, I hope we can talk about it. Hey, I just had to stand my ground...but the thing I'm thinking about is what I may have done to him. I feel like I embarass him because I make fun of him sometimes in front of his friends. I'm such a jerk huh? haha. I'm sure it's just all in my head, but I can't help but feel like our friendship changed dramatically over the past few weeks...

Gail was talking about how some of us don't care as much anymore when it comes to Confirmation. I still care very much. I really want to reach out to the students in ways other people in their lives can't. I love to spend time with them outside of Confirmation. I love to support them in what they do. I'd like to think that I take a genuine interest in their lives. I want to encourage them to live out a Christian life. It's refreshing to sit and talk with them and just see what they're all about. I want to be their friend as well as a leader. I was told I have a lot of patience...I guess that's why I'm so willing to help them carry their crosses.

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In other news, I can't help but feel my friendships with some people are fading. I feel like the relationship changed. I don't feel as close anymore. I feel like they "moved on" with out me and forgot about me. I guess I just miss them.

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Hey...my ego is hungry...someone feed it! hahahahahaha.

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