I can't sleep again...

Can someone PLEASE save me from myself?! Someone just fucking smack me already. My heart is still weighing me down...

I am SO fucking selfish. If I wasn't being so stupid and letting my crap get to me...I would have done a better job at Soup Supper tonght. The only thing I did well was piss some people off and embarass myself. I was an embarassment to myself. I was an embarassment to the team. I made so many fucking amateur mistakes. I am so fucking irresponsible. Grow up, Mark. I couldn't even be responsible enough to facilitate the students. Fuck. I have no excuse for not taking the initiative and making sure things were getting done. Not only did I let down the other people responsible. I let myself down. Fuck. Okay, maybe this wasn't the perfect night for me to take on more responsibility, but that's not an excuse. I was entrusted to handle a task and I failed. This whole experience didn't really help me at all. It's my own fault though.

My patience is GONE. No. I'm not happy. No. I'm not satisfied. No. I don't want to talk about it. All you people need to know is that I'm hurting inside. I'm ashamed of my irresponsibility. I'm selfish. I'm just lost...

I want to leave. I want to get away. I want to feel whole. I want some answers. I want to make it all up somehow. I want to be happy again.

You had every right to repremand me. You had every right to be annoyed with me. I'm sure I caused that headache more than anyone. I didn't take responsibility. I didn't think. Fuck. I was so embarassed I couldn't even bring myself to say goodbye. I know I fucked up your night. Me...of all people. I'm sorry.

I was finally given more responsibility and I fucked it up. Story of my life...

I want space. I want time. I want to be alone...
Leave me alone...just leave me alone. At least I can manage to get that right.