Ready for some thoughts? I hope so. I feel like I have a lot to say tonight.

Randy gave this great talk. Although it was geared towards the students, I got a lot out of it.

These are not in any particular order...

What you need to make a friendship work:
1. Trust - Naturally, there needs to be a mutual trust.
2. Respect - My #1 quality...I can't stand to be disrespected. It's not in me to disrespect anyone in any manner. No one deserves to have their integrity compromised.
3. Honesty - There's no point to lying to someone you care about.
4. Openess - We need to be open to each others differences while we appreciate the commonalities
5. Communication - Every relationship needs an open line of communication.
6. Loyalty - Who wants someone who one cannot depend on?
7. Humor - Every now and then you have to laugh about something...
8. Understanding - One must be able to understand the other's point of view. We are all different.
9. Love - Self explanatory...
10. Patience - We all need patience to deal when things get rocky.
11. Courage - It takes courage to fix things, when everything is going wrong.
12. Strength - Sometimes we have to help carry the crosses of others.
13. Memory - I'm bad with birthdays and favorite things...but I try my best. heh.
14. Kindness/Generosity - To give is to receive...
15. Effort - There is NO relationship that doesn't require effort.

There was one answer that intrigued me: SILENCE. There will come a time where communication will stop between you and this person. This time came between me and one person. The way things are...this person must REALLY want this to work, considering we don't talk at all anymore. What's even worse is I have no idea what came between us in the first place. I can't really control anything about it. As much as it hurt me to do it, I had to let it go. I can't deal with people that I don't matter to. Forgiving is one thing, but I cannot forgive someone who doesn't feel that they need to be forgiven. Which, to my understanding, is one of the worst mindsets to have. What would the world be like without forgiveness? There would be no point in life. No one would even be alive if forgiveness didn't exist. Get over your shit. I am.

I try so hard to put others first...on occasion it's to the point where I'm wimpering in their fucking shadow. I'm tired of pretending like there's nothing wrong. I'm tired of seeking answers that won't be given to me so willingly. I'm tired of wondering what I did wrong when in fact there was no wrong doing. I'm tired of having to meet people halfway, because I end up having to go more than halfway. What is it that people want from me? I give so much that it hurts and I'm being kicked while I'm hurting. When do I get to be validated? I am so taxed by the troubles of other people, but why don't people tax over mine? Like I said before...it's time I stand up and break away from everything that haunts me.

The Grace given by God cannot really be described, like the wind...it can just be felt. It's in forgiving and being forgiven. It's in the friendships and relationships we are in. It's when you feel like someone actually cares about your well-being. It's when there is a mutual understanding. It's when we finally realize that we need to be comforted...to finally swallow our pride and step up and fix things. I wish some people would just open their eyes, swallow their pride, shut their mouths and listen to ME for a change. I feel like I've been a vessel of God's Grace to other people, but some just don't get it. I need His Grace back in my life. I feel like I've been cheated.

I can easily forgive...but I don't forget. I may have given up, but that's no reason for me to turn my back...even though others have turned their backs on me.

The Grace of God is out there. It's time I got a bigger piece of that pie.