After reading what Gail wrote, I thought about a lot.

I'm not really sure what it was today, but during mass, I had this overwhelming feeling of peace of mind. For about an hour, nothing mattered to me. Nothing mattered more than to contemplate about God and assess my life. I've been keeping a few people in my prayers recently. They carry burdens that I can't even imagine to comprehend. These intentions were offered on behalf of family and friends. There is so much going on now. After this past summer, things have unfolded and the big picture just got so much bigger. I gained so much respect for myself and from my family. I lost touch with so many people. I miss so many of my friends. A close friendship died, all because of my sexuality. I've been so busy. I'm worrying about finding a fucking job. I have a boyfriend who loves me. But it's getting more and more difficult to see him because of schedule conflicts and distance. I could write a fucking book about what happened to me these 5 months. Life bloomed. Was I ready for all of these alterations?

Friends. It's pretty self explanatory. I miss my friends who moved off to college. I miss my high school friends who stuck with me throughout college. I miss the inside jokes and the lame stories we would have. Gail was right. Good friends are hard to come by. Some just leave for the most insignificant reasons. Some are just as busy as I am. Some just forget the true worth of a friend. Some forget that time apart doesn't mean that I don't care.

My life has been pretty difficult to balance as of late. I want to become more motivated to improve myself academically, physically, and mentally. There have been little opportunity for me to sit down and shut up. I want to have a whole 2 weeks to travel and make up for lost time with people. I want to have a clear schedule and sit and talk to my friends who more than deserve my attention. I want to have sit and converse with my old friends; catch up. I laughed and finally let myself play today. I think it's about time I do more of that too.

Is this really too much to ask for? I want to improve. I want to persevere. I want to be satisfied with life. I want so much for myself and for my friends. I want to be a better boyfriend. I want to be a better uncle. I want to be a better brother. I want to be so much more than I am right now.

I'm tired of looking in the mirror and complaining.

I'm tired of looking back and regretting my mistakes.

I'm tired of looking stupid.

I'm tired of this layout.

I'm tired of my friendster picture.

I'm tired of feeling insecure.

I'm tired of looking around and wishing.

I'm just tired.

Angry? No... Just feeling very unfulfilled.