(I actually was about to bitch and moan about how pathetic and single I am...and how my other friends are really laying the PDA on thick...bastards. I'm so over it. You'll read on later about the whole thing. I know it's a long entry...but to some, they should find it worthwhile to read through.)

It's funny how people tell me to be careful what I wish for. I guess I got more than I bargained for. heh. I'll get to that later though.

I guess some people have different ways of expressing brute honesty. I'm sure he meant no harm or anything by informing me on that someone I had my eye on. Frankly, I wasn't really surprised either. Whatever. I mean, why do the guys I show interest in don't show it back? Why do the freaks, geeks, and weirdos get obessed with me? I just don't understand why Mark can't land a man. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. What the fuck is wrong with me anyway? I'm not a cheater. I'd treat him like a prince. It seriously puts a strain in my thought process. It makes no sense to me.

I'm really just tired of being frustrated, lonely, and just plain feeling so stupid. I'm really closing shop this time. Poop told me that I shouldn't land a man. One should fucking land me. I just don't want to waste my time with guys who aren't even interested. I'm done with guys who are afraid or uninterested in commiting. Honestly, am I just fooling myself? Am I cut out for someone else out there? I mean shit...It's like everything is a dead end for me.

Now let's go back to the whole "be careful what I wished for" idea. I've always wanted close downe friends...a circle that I can depend on for anything...even when things go wrong. I can't ask for better friends. Even though they PDA the shit out of our time together. Yeah, the single guy is odd man out...but it's cool. I really love their company. I feel out of place and in the loop at the same time. I feel so close to them and I really just love doing nothing with them. I'm so lucky to have them in my life now. They remind me that good friends are much more worthwhile finding than a man. Justin, Jad, John, Mark...I consider myself pretty damn lucky to have these guys. I guess I never really sat and thought about it. I guess I never really appreciated the true value of their time and presence.

I suppose you can consider this entry bittersweet. As much as I tend to focus on the negative things...I'm really thankful for all of the good vibes that I get. I'm pretty damn lucky to have all the friends that I have...to have the loving family that I have.

Now that I think about it, I guess it's pretty stupid to fixate myself on a man that doesn't exist rather than a large handful of friends and family that I actually do have.

And Justin...It's always the best to be bored with you. haha. Thanks homie bestest. You're awesome.