My goal for the day is to not get answers, but to reassure everyone that though, I get upset, I have no intention of starting drama. I'm human and there are people who can piss me off...but then again the those who piss me off the most is closest to me. As India Arie said, "No one has the power to hurt you like your friends." I can't expect things to change nor do I want them to. I can't say anything to take care of my irritations. The fact is that it's done. I'll bring it up later. I'll deal with it when I'm in a rational mindstate.

I always believe that it's not a good idea to deal with a problem while you're full of emotions (namely anger). As much as I wanted to say something. as much as I wanted to just let them have it, I know that it wouldn't have done any good to do so. What would harmful (and more likely untruthful) words acheive? Why would I want to speak my mind when my mind isn't thinking straight?

Best friends are best friends...that's it. That's what the title means. There are responsibilities and expectations that go along with it. But maybe my expectations aren't really ready to be met as of now. I can't expect anything more than respect and love. I can't ask for anything more than that.

Maybe we'll talk about it eventually. Maybe it'll never be brought up. The fact is that I'm going to have to deal with all the of the reprecussions. There are people, though non-pivotal, who aren't too happy with me right now. There are people who don't know me who are judging me based on a mistake that took place recently.

I can't talk about it into detail. I can't even confide in anyone this time. I feel like I'm screaming and nothing is coming out. I can't handle the fact that there are so many things going through my mind...but again...if you know me...You know that I'm good at thinking myself into a hole.

All I can do is trust and respect.

Friend,

I didn't come by to fight. I didn't come by to talk about it. I didn't come to even hear you talk to me about it. I only came on a whim. As I ate my lunch, I just decided to go. After talking to someone, I told him that I was giving myself 30 minutes to decide...and the choice only took me 15 minutes. I came to see you only because something told me to be there; something asked me to put everything aside and just go with it. You can be mad at me for whatever reason, but remember what I told you before...Just because I'm angry with you doesn't mean that I'll leave you in the dark. When I decide not to talk to you, I have good reasons not to. You know that I want to bring it all up when I'm in calm and rational mindset. Yes. I'm going to bring it up eventually...but all I expect from you is respect for my feelings and those who are involved. You're one of my closest friends for a reason...and you don't have to guess why. You should already know.

always...MARK