It irks me to think that maybe I'm just not good enough. My brother was right. I should just be single. (Now, I'm just not even gonna mess with the scene.) I should just leave well enough alone and leave the dating scene for a while. If a guy wants to date me, he'd have to get up pretty early in the morning to impress me. He would have to do a lot more than usual. Yes. I'm totally bad vibin on the gay male population now. I'm a not bitter hater though. Even the nice guys don't want the nice guy. Is there something wrong with me that no one wants to date me? I don't know. I don't know what guys want right now. I don't even know what I want.

I'm tired of all of it. Maybe I'll find a guy who would recognize the 100% I give and return 110% of it back. Hmph...right, and I'm on the cover of GQ.

"Mark, you're a great guy. I can't imagine no one wanting to date you. It's their loss. You'd make such a good boyfriend."

I'd make a good boyfriend? Hmph. How can that be true? I haven't had much experience.

I've heard that same shit over and over again. I'm starting to just not believe it. It's become so trivial to me now. It's not even ringing true in my head. If I was so great then why doesn't anyone want what I have to offer? I mean really folks, it seems that I get the short end of the stick. It seems that I'm just "a good friend" to people. Friendships are great, but that's not the void I need want to fill.

Tonight wasn't an eye opener. It was just another nail in the coffin. I should have seen it coming. I never win...so why should I even hope? What makes me think that a guy like him would even be remotely interested in a guy like me? Then again, what kind of guy is looking for a guy like me? My cousin says the guys I choose are the wrong ones. So why am I always the wrong one to everyone else?

I offered my heart, but no one would take it.
I bared my secrets but they were used against me.
I cried over lost opportunities, yet dried my own tears.
I sang a song that no one could hear.
I lifted myself up for a better view only to be knocked back down to where I belong...the bottom.

Mourn not for the pieces of my heart, but for the owner who cannot fix it.