I'm not really over the fact that I've had to start from scratch with my blog. I really liked how I built up to the whole thing. However, my lack of communication with the person in charge of the server box has pretty much forced me to use blogspot. I guess I should be satisfied considering now I have a place to gather my thoughts.
I digress. Really, I do.
Lei's radiator in her Civic died last Friday.
*moment of silence*
Anyway, this weekend has been very low key compared to others. I didn't go to Rage...which was okay to begin with because Arnell didn't really want to go either. Rather, I spent my Friday night with Sim, Lei and Scott. There's something to be said about spending wholesome family time rather than partying my ass off.
Yesterday was filled with elation and a little bit of indirect peer pressure. First of all, it was my buddy Chris' graduation party. He earned a BA in graphic design from Cal Poly Pomona. Which, if you didn't know by now, is the same field I am in. But what about the peer pressure? Yeah. Sure. They "made" me drink once I got there...but that's not what I'm talking about.
Do you ever get the feeling that you're falling behind? How about you know that you're behind and you feel a little embarassed or inadequate about it? I have to admit, I really feel a bum after hearing and witnessing college graduation after college graduation. I really feel like I need to pick myself up from my bootstraps and get a move on with school. I have found myself surrounded by insecurity.
After going to that party and seeing a bunch of my elementary school friends, I realized that I don't really have much to show for myself.
1. I have no job.
2. I have no idea when I'll be done with school.
3. I have a major debt and my credit is suffering more everyday.
Sounds great doesn't it? Unfortunately, there's more. I'm not one to knitpick over my downfalls...but then again this wouldn't really be interesting to read if my life was so perfect.
I really feel like that I'm more of an expense than an asset to Arnell. He pays for me just so I can be with him on outtings. He pays for my drinks. He pays for effing EVERYTHING and it really bothers me. Being generous is one thing, but gimme a break. SERIOUSLY! For example, there's a pending Vegas trip with Arnell and some of our good friends. Since I don't have a job, I can't really afford a trip like that. Arnell told me that he can't go if he's going to pay for me.
I know what you're thinking.
UNFAIR! It's not fair for him not to go on this trip based on the meniscule fact that he can't cover my bummy ass. I want him to go even if it means leaving me at home for the weekend. I can't do that to him. BLAH. Yeah, they consider me as family, but technically, I'm an IN-LAW. They've known each other much longer. So why deny him of that, right?
The funny thing about this whole thing is that I'm totally complaining about the fact that there are NO trips to look forward to this year. Now that the chance has been given, I can't take it. Ugh.
Hmmmmmm I suppose I said all that to say this:
My summer shows little or no promise to enjoy my free time away from school. Yeah, I'm content, but how refreshed am I going to feel from this so called vacation if there's no GETAWAY?!
Look on the bright side, Mark. At least you have a blog again.
yay. =T
1 comment:
See? When you don't go clubbing, you can actually do fun things like... Hmm... I'll get back to you on that.
Mark, I know how you feel about being behind. After high school, I didn't know what I wanted to do. So I worked full time for some crappy clothing retail store and a year later I realized that graphic design is something I love. I've been doing it since I was little... why not continue it? I still have 1/2 to 3/4 of a year to go, and a few of my friends have already graduated. It makes me feel inadequate, too, but wouldn't it be dumb for us to not even try at all? But don't worry... there are some people in my school who are in their mid to late thirties, and they think that image manipulation is just turning on the lens flare filter on Photoshop.
The thing that makes me feel more insecure is the fact that I feel younger than some people who are maybe a year or two younger than me. I feel so immature when I compare myself to them. I'm even just a month and a few days older than you, and I feel like you've learned so much more about life than I have. But, oh well... I've still got more learning to do, right?
BTW, only one of my friends who graduated is actually doing anything related to the field in which he/she studied. Everybody else is just working part-time somewhere until they find something to do with their degrees. Don't forget that getting that degree isn't everything. It just makes your shoes look more shiny.
I like your work. I suck at publication design.
As for the job... yeah, I hope you get one you like. But until then, hang out with your new wonderful friend! (hint... he just lives a couple hours away and would enjoy your company)
And the credit card debt... Make that your first priority once you get your job. Here's where I toot my own horn... After some late fees and service charges, I realized a few years ago that borrowing money isn't all that fun. Most people in America don't realize that, because people are encouraged to use credit cards for things such as groceries and gasoline. I guess people forget that those are things that you need almost every day, and if you're using borrowed money to get them, you need to re-evaluate your financial situation. Once you get yourself out of the hole, keep reminding yourself that you should only spend money that you actually have.
Don't feel like you're a financial burden to Arnell.
Actually... DO.
Well, it's like this...
Arnell spends money on you and he does it because he loves you. He works really hard every single day to support himself and sometimes you... well, a lot of times, you. He even works really hard on those crappy days when he feels like he's gonna die. Then he comes home super tired and stressed and crabby... and he comes home to you. You... you, you, you... the guy he spends his money on. The jobless bastard that makes his paycheck go to waste. He comes home after a long hard day and thinks, "Oh, if only he could have experienced how crappy my day was. He has no idea. Sure, he can say he knows how it feels, but what has he worked so hard on today?"
So later on that night or a couple nights later, he takes you to dinner. When he pays, he thinks about how much money he has left until the next paycheck. He thinks about how many more dinners he can afford. And it's not just his own dinners, but how many more dinners for two. Oh, and he also has to take into account all the other expenses he has until the next pay period. And gas prices are sorta unpredictable sometimes, and he has to fill that SUV to take you out? Guh...
And then later that night you two come home...
And then the two of you hold each other.
And when he holds you, he's reminded of why he works hard. He's reminded of why the money isn't a big deal and how money isn't an issue at all. He's reminded of the fact that while work may be crappy, it gives him the opportunity to take you out and spend time with you. He's reminded that he loves you more than anything, and that you love him back. And at that moment, your love is all he needs in return.
So, Mark, you're not an expense. You're an asset to him. Even though spending money becomes sort of a pain, he still takes you out cause he loves you. I'm sure Arnell knows that when you get your job, you'll take him out too. So don't feel too bad. It's good that you at least realize the money he spends on you.
Ha ha... I hope I didn't make you feel bad.
As for not having any trips this summer... San Diego doesn't really count, since it's still in Southern California, but if it's any consolation for you not being able to go to Vegas... I'm sure you'll be able to make a friend in San Diego who can accomodate you. Cause I sure as hell don't want you around.
=P
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