Two weeks ago, I was at work. I thought I saw him while I was on my 30 minute break. When I got home, I messaged him on MySpace and asked if it was him. It was. He said that he was looking for me but he didn't see me. I'm assuming he didn't ask for me. I called him a dumbass for not asking if I was there. He left me a comment on MySpace saying that I don't call him anymore...and I told him that he doesn't call either. But, we both agreed that we had to hang out soon. I wish I had just gone up to the guy who I thought was him. It's sad that I was the last comment on his profile before everything happened.
I was in Vegas when it all happened. I had no idea. It's weird that I was planning on calling him to hang out sometime that next week. No one saw it coming. No one expected it to happen to him.
I was in Laguna Beach when he moved on. I had no idea until I left the dinner party. I had no idea that my life was going to change. Esthela texted me with an urgent message. "Have you heard?" "Yeah." I responded. Arnell glanced and noticed my lifeless eyes glaring at him. "I got the message from someone but I had no idea that it was like that." Esthela hesitated, "He was declared braindead today. It's not looking good."
I stopped breathing. I stopped moving.
Arnell asked me what was wrong. "I didn't tell you, but Oscar is in the hospital and he's in a coma. Esthela just told me that he's been legally declared braindead."
That was the weirdest drive to my brother's house. I cried while Arnell held my hand tight. I couldn't tell my brother. I guess I was still in denial about it.
Today, I called the hospital for visiting hours. The receptionist had told me that he was no longer registered. I knew what that meant. I wish I had the chance to see him one last time.
He was 18 years old. In fact, he turned 18 just under 2 months ago. He was my friend from Pac Sun and we were the best team to work when it was the two of us. I wasn't close to any other of the guys at the store...just him. I remember our talks about everything. He was so open minded and opinionated. I remember our "throw downs" and our dance battles...and our impromptu Tagalog lessons.
I guess life isn't meant to be fair. Why didn't the idiot who rear ended him at 85 miles per hour at least get injured? He fled the scene and hasn't been found yet. No. I guess life isn't meant to be fair at all.
It was his time to go. It was his turn to complete his cycle. None of us wanted him to go. He didn't deserve to die this way. No one does.
October 4, 1987 - November 24, 2005
A beloved son, brother, friend, and companion...
Thank you for everything. I love you. I'll never forget you.
Rest in peace.
I learned that friendships, both broken and strong are important. My experiences with others only mold who I am. I cannot deny the mistakes I have made nor should I glamourize the triumphs I have achieved. I am who I am. One person always makes a difference. Oscar was proof of that.
I am motivated to repair the ties I had cut and strengthen those who are already close to me. I learned that real friends do not come and go. They were always there to begin with. I lost a friend and I lost the opportunity to be a better friend. In a way I feel like I took him for granted.
Life really is an interesting concept. We live for nothing else but to die. We live for OURSELVES and no one else. Life is what we make of it...
... and life is what we take from it.
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