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A friend told me that she'd be pissed off if she didn't get anything from her husband for her birthday. That happened to me twice and I still wasn't really phased by it; until tonight that is...

Mad? I don't know. All I know is that I'm not too pleased right now.

I was supposed to get a Premuim Pass to Disneyland for my birthday back in September, but I never got it. Actually, I ended up buying a Deluxe Pass for myself instead. He was supposed to have it upgraded ASAP, but a best friend got expensive gifts for HIS birthday instead. It left me wondering why I don't get things like that from him. I wasn't about to say anything, after all, it's his best friend.

Two birthdays and one Christmas later, I finally received a beautiful gift. I really appreciate it, I really do. My friend asked if I had received my pass upgrade yet. I said no and she asked me why I didn't say anything. "MARK! That was supposed to be your birthday gift and you STILL didn't get it?!"

I don't know. I'm not one to think that I deserve nice expensive things. I'll admit, I do expect it from the ones who love me the most, but I'm sorta used to not getting them. I guess in my head, it's better to work hard and get them for myself instead. After all, that's how I got my Annual Pass right?

Tonight, was my only full day off before he left for the bay. I was so excited to go to Disneyland and CA Adventure with him and Lisa. I should have known better than to put my hopes up. I had a feeling that today was going to be a blockout date.

How am I supposed to feel? I mean I felt like he worried more about his best friend's birthday than mine. I understand that it's his best friend, but I felt pretty small when he was telling me what he got him for his birthday; impulsively might I add. I thought it was going to be upgraded when he starts working again. He's been working for HOW long now? It's selfish of me to dwell on it, but come on. TWO birthdays in a row?

Finally, the fact that I have a limited pass blew up in his face. So now, I'm dressed up with no where to go and he's off to the happiest fucking place on earth. I have $20 in my pocket and no where to spend it.

All he could say was "Sorry. I should have gotten the upgrade instead of the necklace. If I was rich, I would get you that pass." Shouldn't I have received both from you? You promised me a pass, but I got the Deluxe one myself. I didn't ask you to be rich. I couldn't ask you why I didn't get my pass to begin with...

Fuck it. I'm going to change and go to sleep or something. This is stupid.

I hope you had fun. I didn't...

...or at least learned something. I sure did.

Do I really have the right to ask you for something like this? Do I have the right to be upset about it? Honestly, I'm not really sure. I'm so fucking passive. ugh.

But really, have I failed to get you something for you? I don't know. It feels really selfish to get all upset about something like this. But, how would you feel if I just didn't get you anything for your 25th Birthday; if I didn't fly up there and STILL get you something? How would you feel if I didn't bother getting you anything at all? I mean even if I couldn't afford it, I'd get it as soon as I got the chance to..but then again, that's just me.

I know I sound really selfish right now, but I'm kinda hurt.