Motivation & Change

Lately, I have found myself to be unmotivated and sleeping excessively. I haven't motivated to really improve and get my shit together. I'm so lazy that I can't even keep up with my blogger. geez.

I have been looking at myself in the mirror and feeling really insecure. I want to have a good reason to improve my image and take control of my life. FOR ONCE, I'd like to look in the mirror and be content. In the gay world, there's so much pressure to look certain way. Obviously it doesn't help my dysmorphia.

I looked the mirror the other day and wanted to start a change. I have many friends who have started going to the gym and eating better. I feel like I have no control of who I am because I'm just being fucking lazy. I started my change by shaving my head. I figured I should have a constant reminder of change. I need to start...and I need to move.

I'm in the home stretch of school and I can't afford to fuck up again. I can't sit there and assume that I'm gonna be a success. I have to work on it. I need to set the tone and really work my ass off.

I'm going to be 25 and I really feel like I don't have much to show for myself. Sure, you all can tell me that I have a lot. It's not that I don't believe you, it's just I need to be impressed with myself. I'm done wishing...

As my brother would say, "Don't talk about it, be about it."