A Gay Ol' Time

Since the boyfriend is out of town, I decided to have a little boys night out with a couple of friends. After basking in a certain kind of "mature environment," I soon learned that there is a certain kind of mold in the gay world that I had no idea that I didn't really fit into, nor do I think I really want to be a part of. I guess it's just not me.

Now, let me preface this entry by stating this:
I am not suggesting that the people that I am about to blog about are in any way, condescending, rude, self-righteous, or anything really remotely negative. This is just me being an observer and these feelings arose in this given situation. In fact, they were all quite amiable.

Never in my little gay life have I felt out of place within a gay microcosm. As I sat in an expensive, well furnished, West Hollywood apartment, I felt the least "gay" (for lack of a more useful description) in a well-mannered and well kept group of a socially-conscious gay herd of LA. I introverted myself in my oddly hemmed Seven Jeans, H&M shirt and New Era Tokidoki hat. I was in the middle of these seemingly cavalier gay men who exuded such a vibe of "perfection" that it was almost pretentious to me. Each iPhone wielding, designer denim wearing, well toned male made me feel so odd and stupidly self-conscious about myself and my place in life. They were all cut from the same mold and all meshed well together. Seriously, I dressed like a high-schooler next to them...but at least I thought I looked cute. =)

"Damn," I thought to myself, "I didn't realize that I prefer the company of a more 'ghetto' gay group." Not that they were a bad group... It's just that I really felt like that half shriveled brown fry in your extra value meal that no one really wants to eat.

During bouts of solitude, I would text my boyfriend to ease the awkwardness cloud that enveloped me. I would hide my broke-ass sidekick under the table in hopes no one notices how jacked up my phone is.

As the drinks continued to flow in the apartment, I gained the liquid courage to try to converse with all of them. I really felt out of place, but they were all at least congenial towards me...not that I had anything really substantial to offer.

With all things considered, I had a great time and met some people. I was pretty tossed since I drank with them. After all, I didn't want to leave a bad impression on a new group that I have been introduced to.

Yeah, we all say that we wouldn't try to fit into some mold...but wait till a certain kind of eye is watching you. Don't get me wrong, I'm quite content with who I am, but I had a little glimpse of my gay future and honestly... I don't know how I really feel about it.

Just grow up, be successful, be myself, and take shit from NO ONE.

Thanks. Though a rocky start, I had a fun boys night out.