These past couple of weeks, I have traveled. Palm Springs. Las Vegas.

In Palm Springs, I had the chance to distract myself from a personal separation anxiety. Yes. It was stupid and maybe slightly delusional, but I felt better as I spent time with my family and bought myself a pair of new Gucci sunglasses.

I impulsively flew out to Vegas with good friends. I couldn't help but notice the sky outside my window. As I soared for a short time, I gazed at the most beautiful hues of blue only God could offer. It reminded me of him and where he was. I have yet to seize a dream of that magnitude. One day... But, I considered myself stronger that day. I flooded my head with a playlist that would always center me, in hopes it centered him too.

Now things are getting back to normal again. I've tried to slow down this extremely fast-paced life. I want to slow down. I can't claim something that doesn't belong to me. I can't be selfish about something I don't have.

My recent dreams have had the same theme.

I long to find someone who excites me just to be around him. I want a thrill from just holding hands. I want someone who goes beyond a carnal, sexual attraction; but an attraction to who that person is as his raw, uninhibited self.. I want to look in his eyes and have him see me the way I see him: perfectly imperfect. Lastly, I want someone who could appreciate the little I have to offer.

My standards are high, but not unattainable. There's someone out there who set this bar already. If reality can't allow me to have him, then I'm just fortunate to have had him in my dreams. My feelings are probably considered stupid and unrealistic... but then again, isn't that how the heart thinks?

I'm delusional. I get it. I know.

Whatever. Be strong. Be patient. Be Mark.