Growing up Glee

I find myself thinking about my high school experiences lately. I randomly catch myself sighing at old memories and the few trinkets I have left of my four years at Eagle Rock High. I recall the intense highs and lows that came with whatever I put my heart in. My heart beats thinking about the fear that welled up within me right before a game or performance. In fact, I still listen to the tapes (YES. I said tapes.) of my ERHS Concert Choir heydays. Whether it was a classical Palestrina piece or a nostalgic Broadway tune, I find it hard not to sing the part I learned and reliving my proud stance on those risers. I miss being a performer.

Maybe one would think that I'm living in the past; my so-called glory days. But, after watching tonight's season finale of Glee, I couldn't help but feel like I was reliving these important and difficult days of a now distant, hazy past. I find myself longing to sing a song and receive a burst of 20-second accolades from a roaring crowd. I miss the outlet of artistic expression only my body, voice and heart could produce. Standing on a stage was empowering. Being recognized beyond my social label was freeing. I knew I was special because I was a part of something special.

High school was a journey, and yes... I realize that it didn't matter where I was going. It was all about the process of "getting there." If it weren't for my teachers drilling this untapped confidence, I wouldn't be who I am.

Though I experienced my share of winning, I understand that it wasn't about victory or defeat. It was about shining as best as you could on stage. It was about being a part of something bigger than myself. It was about caring about who was on your side, even if you didn't see eye to eye. In the end, the goal was the same: to be the best only because you gave the best.

Maybe you don't like the show, but for myself, it's a sentimental and at times, haunting reflection of who I was and the struggle I went through to figure it all out on my own.

The spotlight will be on me one day. I'll have MY moment. I can feel it.

...and I hope you'll be there cheering me on.