Chump Change Chump

I'd always jokingly say that it's expensive to be gay. In a way it is, and in a way it isn't. heh.

I loathe fights about money. I can see why the biggest reason for divorce is over money. I guess not being able to provide makes me feel kinda small. I guess it's the "typical male" in me that belittles my self-esteem when it comes to lack of money. I mean, my income isn't really something to brag about. I wish I could be a better provider for so many people. I'm struggling just getting to New York in a few weeks. I feel pathetic about it.

I understand that there are little things I can do to save a dollar here and there, but sometimes that just doesn't feel like it's going to be enough.

I hate that most of the time I feel like Arnell is a financial crutch for me. I feel like I burden him financially. He may not feel that way, but I do sometimes. I never ask yet he still is willing to provide when he deems it appropriate. I mean, I'm grateful that he provides for me and I know it usually comes full circle, but tonight, my appetite was dependant of the contents of my wallet...and I feel like a pussy because of it.

Ever since I was young, I've always wanted to be the person INSIDE the limo. Everytime I pass one I wonder who's inside and what their story is. I'd always see myself in the reflection of the black glass and wonder if one day I'd be INSIDE a limo. I would imagine someone else trying to peer through the dark window trying to see me. I envy those who don't see money as an object...I guess being in a limo (even for the first time) is a stupid, childish dream...

In my past relationships (or attempts at them) I was the one who was able to spend. After that didn't work out, I wished that someone would provide for me for a change...I suppose I should be careful what I wish for.

It would be cool if I could make a quick buck, but honestly, I'd rather it be an honest one instead.

sumdimsumwitdad

Today was a great day. I went to a lunch meeting with dad and to my surprise we had dim sum. I haven't had that in a while. Afterwards, dad and I thought it would be fun to take my camera for a little joyride. It's amazing what you could find in LA when you want to take the time to see it.

I had a great time with dad. It's rare that we get to spend some time together.

After picking up my sister, I went to the Edge with some friends for a Hip Hop Class. It's been a while since I've done that. It was cool that I didn't completely suck. ha. I think I'll make it a regular dealie when I can.

Days off like these don't come often. I feel good. Pictures pending.

So I Think I Can Dance

I've decided that I will be taking hip hop dance classes again.

Speaking of dancing, RB, Rachelle, RnL, Lisa, and I ventured out to Micky's and was denied entrance over a DOLLAR. It wasn't the fact the guy didn't let us in over one buck, but the guy was a total ass about it. Whatever...

Anyway, let's hope I don't look like a moron tomorrow in class.

GOODIES

So, Lei, Sim, RnL, and I are swimming in good vibes right now.

1. CONGRATS SISTA!!! YOU'RE THAT MUCH CLOSER TO GRADUATING!
2. My brother got some new springs for his car.
3. Boyfriend is getting a new camera for himself.
4. I'm getting a new camera for myself AND I got my new glasses.

Life is good.

Oh...IN YOUR FACE BIATCH! woot.

MY CAMERA IS COMING TOMORROW!

MARK IS A HAPPY BOY.








woot.

Rebel With a Cause

Holy Crap.



I have just made my largest purchase ever of life.

It's coming on Thursday or Friday. =)

whhhhhhhhheeeeeeeee!!!

Life Moves When You're Ready To Sleep

In my heart, I need to feel like I have balanced karma with those around me.An old friend accidentally trashed an email I had sent about a month ago. I expressed a lot of feelings and a lot of my issues. I thought that maybe this person didn't care enough to mend our broken ties. In the end, an admitted obsessive action led to this person finding the email.

After all of the animosity, it felt good to have a really short conversation. An expression of gratitude and forgiveness on both ends validated me. I can't say that we'd be friends again anytime soon, but I suppose it was a step in the right direction.

I've had so many signs to contact this person, yet I still believed that I wasn't obligated to. The fact is, we made mistakes, lessons were learned and bridges were burned. Now that we're at a mutual understanding, maybe we'll build that bridge again.

For now, I'm thankful for being able to balance my karma tonight.

Eye Can't Wait

Since I got some benefits at work, I ended up getting to buy my very own pair of glasses. I'm also getting a new supply of contact lenses since I'm also covered my mommy-dearest. This is going to be a great optical year for me. I'm getting them next week AND I get to have my pupils dialated. I don't know why I love going to the eye doctor. haha.



I'll be getting my new Gucci frames soon. It's nice to finally have some glasses. I can finally look smart.







woot.

Untitled

Up until last night's dinner, I was excited about leaving for New York. I realize that dynamics change over time and expectations bend. I've worked so hard to even make the money to pay for the expenses. It wasn't easy for me to accumulate the funds. I've starved, sacrificed and sold my way to New York. Now, it seems like it doesn't mean too much anymore. I feel like I'm doing all of it in vain. I don't know. Maybe it'll change when we actually leave.

iNeed

So I've been here looking at some stuff for myself. It's weird that I'm in money right now. I'm looking to get some sweet new digs for the final semesters of my schooling. And maybe...just maybe a new car with all the bells and whistles for myself.

Gahd, I love me some whistles.

Lent Over Backwards

I've decided to start working out again. I figured that Lent would be a good catalyst to get my motivation moving. Hopefully, I'll be seeing results and I'll be encouraged to continue working out.

I've started and I'm taking one step at a time. Good luck to me.

FUCKING SHIT...I missed my eye aapointment. Things are just getting so much better for me right now.

I hope an anvil falls on me today.

Ash *%$@ing Wednesday

People can be such bitches at church. I know it can get crowded, but for God's sake (literally), act like fucking Christians PLEASE. Who the hell are you to cut in line for communion? FUCK! There's enough for everyone. A family just totally shoved their way through the line. It's nice to know that Catholic parents are teaching their kids patience and true Christian behavior while in the church...DURING MASS.

What would Jesus think?! Rude crowds, fights over parking, and judgemental stares...

All of the people who were just horrible examples should practice some Christian behavior during lent. Ugh.

Wow, I'm really proud to be Catholic right now.

Oh, and thanks for making me feel sooooo much better.

Microsucks

This is hilarious. Thank God Apple has an actual eye for design.