Summer is now over and school just started. BLAH.

It's funny how summer was such a blur to me...especially these last 2 weeks. Arnell had to leave for home to tie up loose ends before he makes his move down the coast. No. Mind you that he planned to move to Southern Cali before he even met me. Anyway, I've been meeting his friends. Spending good quality time and not-so-quality time with him. Got fucked up at Rage. Lastly, I felt the sadness and anxiety of seeing him leave. I know that there's still a lot of things that need to settle before we can continue. I know that he loves me and he's coming back as soon as he can.

Yeah, it was a little difficult to sleep last night. I even slept through his call at 6:30 this morning since I finally withered away by 4am. I know that it'll be difficult to have to wait for him. But, it's worth the wait right? Uh huh... I thought so too.

So far, school hasn't been too much of a hassle. It gives me time to get by and keeps me distracted from worrying about him while he's away. Nonetheless, he keeps in contact to make sure I'm not a complete mess. I love him for that.

The days will pass. The dreams will continue. I'll wait as long as I have to.

If you're wondering, YES. Life and love is good. I'm in a great mood. I'm motivated. I'm loved. I'm happy. Seeing my bro, Lei, and Scott was refreshing too. It's almost uncanny how Scott loves Arnell so much. heh. Whoddathunkit?!

Okay, that's about it for updates. Maybe I'll recap my summer once I get home. I love you all. I miss you all. Thank you and I'm sorry. ((there. I think I covered all my bases))

so kiss me and smile for me...
tell me that you'll wait for me...
hold me like you'll never let me go...

Productive day...

Apartment hunting.

First time at Dave & Busters! GOOD TIMES!

Okay, time to go home...I have lots to worry about tomorrow. whew. things are working out for the both of us. I hope that things continue to improve...

((you were right maw...LOVE YOU!))

Beb, I know that your life needs some sdjusting. Don't lose hope. It's okay to be scared, but it's not okay to give into fear. Things will look up. Things will settle. I believe that in God...all things are possible.

I will help as best as I can if you let me. We can get through it. I know we can.

That is FUCKING it.

I'm so done with the haters on my tagboard. Who the fuck do you think you are to judge me? Why do you feel the need to validate YOUR pathetic ass life by attempting to shit talk mine? How can I rant about love? Like this bitch. READ CAREFULLY.

I love Erik Arnell. I feel sorry for the people YOU love. You don't even have enough self-respect for yourself. You look so fucking stupid typing shit on my blogger. Obviously, if you're ragging on people and don't even have the courage to step up and tell everyone who you are, then you don't deserve love. What? I'm pathetic? I'm not the one who leaves nameless messages on other people's shit. I'm not the one who is so narrow minded. You're the one with egg on your face dumbass. Face the muusic. You find love in places you don't expect.

Bitch, don't cross me. I'm not going to be the only one who'd get in your face. Get a life. I was pretty passive before...BUT DON'T EVER QUESTION MY NOTION OF LOVE.

Love is unconditional right? So shut your fucking face. There are no conditions here. There are no strings attached. I'm happy. Obviously I know what love is. I love myself. I love my family. I love my friends. I love my man...

My man is holding me and supporting me while I write this. YOU LIKE THAT SHIT? Does that bother you? I hope it does. You can't just sit there and talk big. You have no idea what I'm capable of. I'm human too. Love is blind. Love is perfect. Love does not judge.

Don't talk unless you're in my shoes...besides, I'm sure that my shoes are a hell of a lot cuter than whatever the fuck your sorry ass wears. Walk mother fucker...WALK. Your talk is cheap.

Prokvoke me more and see what happens. Like I said...you have no idea what I'm capable of. Keep it up and I'll take my tagboard down and you'll just ruin it for everyone. Try to keep reading. I hope you hate what I write. It'll only validate my standpoint. I'm better than you and at this rate...EVERYONE is better than you.

FUCK YOU and FUCK OFF...you really think that you're gonna change me? Well guess what bitch. I'm gonna change the world. I feel sorry for people like you.

The best revenge is living well. I'm alive now. I'm living as well as I can and things will only get better. I have all the love and support I need. I suggest you go out and you find it for yourself.

Now if you'll excuse me. I have to kiss my LOVING boyfriend.

(Sorry everyone...i had to stoop pretty low and speak on their level...maybe this time they'll understand.)

Sorry for the lack of updates. Just to let you all know I've been stuck somewhere and I can't get out. "Where?" you ask? I'm on cloud nine and I only keep on ascending. This is been one of the greatest weeks of my life. I don't know where this road will lead but everyone told me to run with it. I'll run until I can't continue. He said that he'd pick me up and keep on going. The best is yet to come.

If I knew anything about love...

it's all because of Arnell.

My knight in a wifebeater and jeans has finally come to sweep me off my feet.

Thank you God for sending me an angel.

He challenges my MIND...
He rocks my BODY...
He completes my SOUL...
He inspires my SPIRIT...

There are times where I just don't believe it. I get so giddy thinking about him. Let's see where this goes...

and the turn...

2 of hearts.

When the heart breaks...
fix it.

When the heart speaks...
listen to it.

When the heart sings...
sing a long with it.

I've been given another path to take. I've been given a chance to consider. Though everything seems beyond reason, it doesn't feel wrong. I have nothing to lose anymore. I'm gonna pick it up and run with it. I'll run until I have no where else to go.

My heart is stubborn.

So am I.

What do you do when a friend is scared and there are no words to comfort him?
LISTEN.

What do you say when you have no advice?
Nothing at all...just LISTEN.

What do you do when you feel powerless to aid a friend in need?
LISTEN...that's worth more than most people know.

Friend,

I will speak out for you if you need a voice. I will listen to what you have to say. I will lend an ear so you feel that you have been heard. When the scariest of times come, I'll be here for you to run to. Whether that means that I have to struggle with you...or at the least sit and listen to you speak and lighten a heavy heart. My troubles are meaningless when you are in need. Speak on. Make a choice. Be heard. Be understood. Do not think that the world will turn on you for something that was out of your hands. I'm sorry bad things happen to good people. You don't deserve to be scared and cornered like that. I'm here for you...

It irks me to think that maybe I'm just not good enough. My brother was right. I should just be single. (Now, I'm just not even gonna mess with the scene.) I should just leave well enough alone and leave the dating scene for a while. If a guy wants to date me, he'd have to get up pretty early in the morning to impress me. He would have to do a lot more than usual. Yes. I'm totally bad vibin on the gay male population now. I'm a not bitter hater though. Even the nice guys don't want the nice guy. Is there something wrong with me that no one wants to date me? I don't know. I don't know what guys want right now. I don't even know what I want.

I'm tired of all of it. Maybe I'll find a guy who would recognize the 100% I give and return 110% of it back. Hmph...right, and I'm on the cover of GQ.

"Mark, you're a great guy. I can't imagine no one wanting to date you. It's their loss. You'd make such a good boyfriend."

I'd make a good boyfriend? Hmph. How can that be true? I haven't had much experience.

I've heard that same shit over and over again. I'm starting to just not believe it. It's become so trivial to me now. It's not even ringing true in my head. If I was so great then why doesn't anyone want what I have to offer? I mean really folks, it seems that I get the short end of the stick. It seems that I'm just "a good friend" to people. Friendships are great, but that's not the void I need want to fill.

Tonight wasn't an eye opener. It was just another nail in the coffin. I should have seen it coming. I never win...so why should I even hope? What makes me think that a guy like him would even be remotely interested in a guy like me? Then again, what kind of guy is looking for a guy like me? My cousin says the guys I choose are the wrong ones. So why am I always the wrong one to everyone else?

I offered my heart, but no one would take it.
I bared my secrets but they were used against me.
I cried over lost opportunities, yet dried my own tears.
I sang a song that no one could hear.
I lifted myself up for a better view only to be knocked back down to where I belong...the bottom.

Mourn not for the pieces of my heart, but for the owner who cannot fix it.