Who the fuck CARES?

For anyone who cares to know...this is what defeat looks like.



I was selected to be in the annual juried art show. I left the campus art gallery reception early because no one showed up to see my selceted work with me. For the first time I was validated as a real artist and NO ONE was there to share it with me.

I never would have imagined how embarrassing it was to be the ONLY one who had no one else to introduce to people. I saw all of my classmates with friends, family members, lovers, etc etc etc and it just hurt more and more to stay in the gallery. I felt like an idiot for making a shirt that went with my art piece. I had to try so hard not to cry while I walked to my car.

The best part is, whenever I see that piece that I made, I'm just going to remember how I felt today.

The Beginning of the End

I got my commencement handbook in the mail today. So that means that my paperwork was cleared and now I get to walk!

Today, I'm feeling a little bittersweet about it. Sweet: For the obvious reasons...I'M GRADUATING!!! Bitter: Well, boyfriend and I aren't exactly seeing eye to eye right now. Of all of the times in my life, I need him to be there. I want him to be happy for me. I hate that we're not happy.

Lately, we've both been pretty stressed about our respective lives. No. I'm not speaking for him...and with that said...

When I get mad I don't feel like it matters. Sometimes, I feel like I'm not good enough. I'd like to think that I don't have to always be the bad guy. It's impossible to ALWAYS be wrong, right? I get it. We're both stubborn, but really... I can only give in so much.

I digress.

I'm certainly at a crossroads. My future seems so scary right now. What's even worse, is that I'm scared that he may choose not to be in my future.

Now...to get my cap and gown.

Welcome to the rest of your life, Mark.