The Pages of My Mind

I know I should be studying right now, but I felt compelled to spill my guts.

Right now life is showing me that there is always balance. It may take a while to acheive, but it happens. Sometimes in life, there are dark times. It's up to us to illumate these dark times away with a zest for life, new memories...better memories.

Tonight, I realized that being at the "Happiest Place On Earth" is even better when it's with someone you care about; especially if there's lost time to repair. Though, I was only at the park with her for only about 90 minutes, it took the pain away even more. It made me forget that we had dark times. It made me realize that these negative vibes molded us to recognize better ones. We grew up and our balance has been acheived. Forgiveness is divine...and so is being forgiven. It's human nature to be accepted. It's also human nature to love what and who we are passionate about.

No one can change the past, but one can certainly decide where to go in life after learning from it. I learned that love does prevail. Blood really is thicker than water. I learned that with a little patience, and a little faith, one can restore relationships and oneself.

Time allows one to grow and settle into the right place, but only if we make the right choices. I'm glad that she is in a better place in life and that she is content. It's great that I am too. Like we said earlier, we are in good places in our lives and we are old enough to enjoy it...maybe even with a little bit of alcohol.

Ate Daph, we MUST do this again sometime.

A few years is a lot of time to catch up on...but knowing us, we'll make it a fun ride.

I learned to never lose faith in anyone...

Freaky Fried-day

I'm not feeling too good today. I'm not sad or hurt, but I feel like something isn't aligned right in my world. I'm tired and indifferent...but definately not happy.

Last night Arnell and I had a late nap together when he got home. We were both tired; him from work and I from doing a photo assignement out in Disneyland. Unfortunately, my nap didn't catch on for the rest of the night. I woke up again at about 9:45. I went online and my good buddy Patrick was online and closing his store with his best friend. Now, I haven't seen him in about 3 years and we've been trying to hang out. I was bored and I thought it would be a good little surprise to just say fuck it and go and visit. Krystal (the girl who was closing with him) was actually the one who persuaded me to come and visit.

So I kissed my sleeping hubs and just went out.

They took me out to dinner at Guppy Tea House. I had a good time. We were playing with my camera and conversed. I had brought my computer so I could get some GD2 work done too.

So, I totally got hit on by these girls at the teahouse. ha. Need I say more?

The three of us just spent the night talking and catching up.

Arnell encourages me to hang out with my circle of friends. He knows that I don't have too many gay friends of my own. Most of the ones I have, I met through him. So I guess I'm going to try harder to have friends. I mean, I LOVE MY STRAIGHTS but it's just not the same as having gay friends who are my age.

As for today, I have work and I long night of studying Art History. Wish me luck.

Maybe I need to balance my karma...

(Oh, I also got my PREMIUM PASS...finally)

Okay...New Rule


Carpe Diem.

I'm tired of wasting days.

Today Arnell got outta work early and I left school early. I was hoping that I could spend the day with him...shit...at least nap together.

So I called him over 4 hours ago telling him I was coming home. He said that he would meet me at home.

Great. Where is he?

People Make Fun of My Phone

So, I've decided to get a new phone in February. The contract is going to be renewed so I thought that it would be a good time to get a phone that I really want and get some research done. So either I got myself a new pass for Disneyland OR get a new phone.

Thanks to Si, I decided to wait for the phone.

I guess I'll have to take the friendly ribbing a little longer...

So I Think I Can WHAT?

Ever since 8th grade, I was intrigued by hip hop dance. The popular kids would have a routine to Soul For Real for the talent show and I sat there wishing I was able to do that too. I always thought that having that ability would build my confidence. Ever since, I'd pretend that I could choreograph something and practice in front of a mirror. Sometimes, I still do when I'm alone...but there's no one to teach nor is there someone else to learn from.

There have been a few places along the way where I have been able to outlet that intrigue; mind you VERY few. I have done debuts, led drill teams to victory, took classes at one of the best studios in NoHo, have been offered to be part of highly regarded collegiate teams, and had a small group of my own for a hot second.

Lately, I've been watching these videos of team performances and it made me wish I had that outlet when I was that age. I would see the passion in the dance and in the performers. I would see the fruits of labor presented before their peers.

I never said I was good. I guess I was only...good enough. I couldn't help but wonder, what if I had taken that opportuinty to join Kaba Modern? Would I have the "hot" image that I've sought after? I don't know.

I know in my heart of hearts that there are at least 572,934,590 people who are better than I am. Part of me gets jealous that I don't have that outlet. Some would say that I'm just a wannabe or get carried away, but it's inside me...somewhere. I know I would never be in a music video or tour with a hot celebrity. I guess I just want to work for something like that. Maybe I just feel like performing. I was never really PROUD of any work I have done. I would watch my creation or performance and just get insecure. Granted, my routine led Holy Family's Drill Team to their first win...I guess I was never satisfied.

I never thought that at 24, I would be old and wishing already...

It's more fun to dance on a path than walk it.

Untitled

So another weekend has passed. The hubs went back to the bay for the weekend and it sucks when I don't have plans when he's gone. I just sulk at home missing him when I need to get out and do something fun.

I realized that things are getting much better at work. I'm starting to feel more comfortable in my own skin there. HOWEVER, I'm not going to let my guard down. Just because I'm feeling good, doesn't mean that there aren't still some shady ass mo-fo's around.

School is well....SCHOOL. Nothing to report, but the fire is dying and I need a little ass-kicking to get my motivation back. Midterms are coming. ick.

So, I'm home and relaxed. I am either going to get myself a new phone OR get my Premium Pass for Disneyland. I figured it was about time I get it back so I can go to the park for Photo class.

SPEAKING OF WHICH:
Should I have a link to a gallery of my shots that I took over the semester? If no one responds, then I'm not even going to bother showing my work.

Annnnnnnnyway, I'm going to relax, clean, study, and eat. I deserve a few hours COMPLETELY alone without a single voice to bother me.

Yes.

The feeling is nice.

Very nice.

School. Work. Clean. Repeat.

full-time student
part-time manager
part-time SDYMer

VERY-LITTLE-TIME to be me.

I totally appreciate the time I get to just do nothing or have fun. It's been scarce and I'm SOOOO over cleaning and laundry. It's hard to sustain enough energy to even do homework, study or develop photos. ugh.

I just LOOOOOVE days when I have school and work. Oh and the best part is having to clean and do 29385629356 loads of laundry.

I don't wanna hear ANYONE complain how tired they are. I can empathize, but I don't give a shit.

Yeah, I'm in a snippy mood.

When it Rains, IT MUTHAFUCKIN' POURS

I haven't written in a while, there's been definately some good and bad these past couple of weeks. I oughta write about it...

This morning, I find myself at home ready for school. However, Arnell has my keys. So I decided to just FUCK IT. I'm not going to school anymore. Fortunately it's only lab time for photography. Anyway, we went out to dinner last night and he asked me to bring my keys because I had the keys to the front door. No. I'm not blaming him.

This is why I don't bring my keys UNLESS I'm driving or the only one who would possess a house key at all.

I guess I'm going to spend the day getting other shit done.

I'm really pissed. I didn't start off the day right to begin with and now I just lost my patience.

So here we go...
1. I have no idea where my stupid cell phone is. It's been gone for over 4 days now.
2. I'm now behind in photo class and I have to go to campus early tomorrow to finish it.
3. I haven't started my talk for Wednesday.
4. I have to go to court for that fix-it ticket.
5. If I do another late night load of laundry I'm gonna kill someone.
6. OH, I ALMOST FORGOT...there's potential fraud on my debit Mastercard.

Can someone please kick me in the face already?

Open Minded Designers

I would have thought that in a room full of desigers, there would be at least one other open mind out there. So the teacher had a poster of Brokeback Mountain as an example for class and it irked me that the room was full of snickers and really low brow comments.

What's so funny about the damn poster?

I'll show them all. I'm motivated to shove their feet in their mouths.

Fuckin idiots...well except April. She's my class hag.

I'll make them all uncomfortable to see me.