I've been having a few thoughts that I've been wrestling with recently. They've been bugging me and in some cases there's not much I can do to solve it, while others require motivation.

Eh, I'll get into it later. I really should get some laundry done. I mean, I've been lazy all day and I think I should start moving my ass for a change. I just don't want Arnell upset with me when he gets home. blah.

Hmmm, the faster I get that done, the faster I can get to Animal Crossing.

Mister Peter, You. Are. Awesome...

...you fucking "drunk."

You know we love you...

Gosh, I really need to start sleeping early.

I had no idea what time it was. I guess time flies when you're working on a project...

Anyway, it always helps to get an outside perspective on things. It allows one to think more openly about his or her situation and/or circumstances. When you're staring so hard and focusing on just one thing, you tend to forget to step back and really appreciate and understand the whole picture.

Arnell spends money on you and he does it because he loves you. He works really hard every single day to support himself and sometimes you... well, a lot of times, you. He even works really hard on those crappy days when he feels like he's gonna die. Then he comes home super tired and stressed and crabby... and he comes home to you. You... you, you, you... the guy he spends his money on. The jobless bastard that makes his paycheck go to waste. He comes home after a long hard day and thinks, "Oh, if only he could have experienced how crappy my day was. He has no idea. Sure, he can say he knows how it feels, but what has he worked so hard on today?"

So later on that night or a couple nights later, he takes you to dinner. When he pays, he thinks about how much money he has left until the next paycheck. He thinks about how many more dinners he can afford. And it's not just his own dinners, but how many more dinners for two. Oh, and he also has to take into account all the other expenses he has until the next pay period. And gas prices are sorta unpredictable sometimes, and he has to fill that SUV to take you out? Guh...

And then later that night you two come home...

And then the two of you hold each other.
And when he holds you, he's reminded of why he works hard. He's reminded of why the money isn't a big deal and how money isn't an issue at all. He's reminded of the fact that while work may be crappy, it gives him the opportunity to take you out and spend time with you. He's reminded that he loves you more than anything, and that you love him back. And at that moment, your love is all he needs in return.

So, Mark, you're not an expense. You're an asset to him. Even though spending money becomes sort of a pain, he still takes you out cause he loves you. I'm sure Arnell knows that when you get your job, you'll take him out too. So don't feel too bad. It's good that you at least realize the money he spends on you.

I ask myself, "Why should someone like him provide for or even stay with a schmuck like me?"

I've read this over and over again. It still manages to bring me to tears. Peter, thanks for putting things into perspective. I really need to step back and see the whole picture, don't I? More importantly, it's time to make a few changes. I'm tired of wishing. Most of all, I need encouragement and loving support to make these improvements.

Time to sleep. A rested soul is a happy soul.

Rodel is cool. He's from Maui...but that's not what makes him cool. He just is.

Today was fun. Geoff came by because he wanted to shop around for a ring at Downtown's Jewelry District. Peter and Daryl stopped by to join us too. I was hoping that Mark was coming along too. Boo on him for not going.

We strolled the streets of Downtown LA and parked for free...thanks to my dad. We didn't find what we were looking for but we found a few promising prospects. I also found out what happens to bad children who try to steal jewelry out of the case. I also found how strange it is for an 8 year old boy to stand in front of all kinds of porno mags. Afterwards, we had an early dinner at Sushi Mac.

Peter. What a tool. I'm so glad to know that I have good friends like him. His randomnicity (i made that up!) brings an unexpected zest. There are just people that you come across that you know will affect your life for the better. Another one of those people is Daryl. It's rare that someone can pick your brain at any given moment like he does. I love his insight, intelligent humor and conversation, and his genuine nature.

THERE. I SAID I'D MENTION YOU GUYS. NOW LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! I HATE YOU GUYS! hahaha. jk. I love you guys and I can't wait to see you guys again.

I also have this song stuck in my head.
DANCING IN THE MIRROR...oooooooh

I gotta admit. It's pretty catchy.

I'm not really over the fact that I've had to start from scratch with my blog. I really liked how I built up to the whole thing. However, my lack of communication with the person in charge of the server box has pretty much forced me to use blogspot. I guess I should be satisfied considering now I have a place to gather my thoughts.

I digress. Really, I do.

Lei's radiator in her Civic died last Friday.

*moment of silence*

Anyway, this weekend has been very low key compared to others. I didn't go to Rage...which was okay to begin with because Arnell didn't really want to go either. Rather, I spent my Friday night with Sim, Lei and Scott. There's something to be said about spending wholesome family time rather than partying my ass off.

Yesterday was filled with elation and a little bit of indirect peer pressure. First of all, it was my buddy Chris' graduation party. He earned a BA in graphic design from Cal Poly Pomona. Which, if you didn't know by now, is the same field I am in. But what about the peer pressure? Yeah. Sure. They "made" me drink once I got there...but that's not what I'm talking about.

Do you ever get the feeling that you're falling behind? How about you know that you're behind and you feel a little embarassed or inadequate about it? I have to admit, I really feel a bum after hearing and witnessing college graduation after college graduation. I really feel like I need to pick myself up from my bootstraps and get a move on with school. I have found myself surrounded by insecurity.

After going to that party and seeing a bunch of my elementary school friends, I realized that I don't really have much to show for myself.

1. I have no job.
2. I have no idea when I'll be done with school.
3. I have a major debt and my credit is suffering more everyday.

Sounds great doesn't it? Unfortunately, there's more. I'm not one to knitpick over my downfalls...but then again this wouldn't really be interesting to read if my life was so perfect.

I really feel like that I'm more of an expense than an asset to Arnell. He pays for me just so I can be with him on outtings. He pays for my drinks. He pays for effing EVERYTHING and it really bothers me. Being generous is one thing, but gimme a break. SERIOUSLY! For example, there's a pending Vegas trip with Arnell and some of our good friends. Since I don't have a job, I can't really afford a trip like that. Arnell told me that he can't go if he's going to pay for me.

I know what you're thinking.

UNFAIR! It's not fair for him not to go on this trip based on the meniscule fact that he can't cover my bummy ass. I want him to go even if it means leaving me at home for the weekend. I can't do that to him. BLAH. Yeah, they consider me as family, but technically, I'm an IN-LAW. They've known each other much longer. So why deny him of that, right?

The funny thing about this whole thing is that I'm totally complaining about the fact that there are NO trips to look forward to this year. Now that the chance has been given, I can't take it. Ugh.

Hmmmmmm I suppose I said all that to say this:
My summer shows little or no promise to enjoy my free time away from school. Yeah, I'm content, but how refreshed am I going to feel from this so called vacation if there's no GETAWAY?!

Look on the bright side, Mark. At least you have a blog again.

yay. =T

I've missed my blogger.

I can't believe it's been about 9 months since I actually touched it. How sad.

Well, things are about to change. I'm back to humble beginnings.

No fancy images...
No elaborate layouts...
No cool features...

yet.

I guess I'll really get into life, love, and everything in between soon enough.