I'm giddy as a geek in a computer class...
still sick...but WHO CARES?!?!
I'M GOING TO DIZNEELAND BIATCHES!
Friday, July 29, 2005
I got issued my manager keys today.
Shit, I'm important.
The GM is going to talk to the higher ups to discuss wages before my first shift. When I say, "higher ups" I mean the VP's and CEO's are in on it...and fortunately for me...I was communicating with them and I really like them and I'm sure they took a shine to me too.
Well, here's to a new beginning. Wish me luck.
Shit, I'm important.
The GM is going to talk to the higher ups to discuss wages before my first shift. When I say, "higher ups" I mean the VP's and CEO's are in on it...and fortunately for me...I was communicating with them and I really like them and I'm sure they took a shine to me too.
Well, here's to a new beginning. Wish me luck.
The Look - Ryan Tedder
Is it possible maybe to have a love so strong
That nothing could ever compare
I'm holding back nothing just for the look in your eyes
So baby don't be surprised
Well I want to know what makes your world go round
And I want to hear your voice for the sound
A love that defines all I've had in mind
Now I'm holding back nothing for the look in your eyes
Impossible, maybe, but worth one last try
I'm waiting on your reply
I'm sitting here patiently just for the chance that I might be able to hold you tight
And I want to know what makes your world go round
And I want to hear your voice for the sound
A love that defines all I've had in mind
Now I'm holding back nothing for the look in your eyes
Now time is all that we have
So won't you let me inside your perfect world for one night
Just open up for me
Girl I swear that I will be everything you've ever thought a man should be
And I want to know what makes your world go round
And I want to hear your voice for the sound
A love that defines all I've had in mind
Now I'm holding back nothing for the look in your...
I can see the way you're lookin' back at me
Oooh... Could it be that you see what you want to see
Just let your eyes believe it
I'll never lie to you, in my arms you will be, forever and I...
I'm holding back nothing for the look in your eyes
The look in your eyes...
I can't sleep. It's not the medicine, it should have knocked me out a while ago. I guess when you think of someone, they stay in your head for a while...even if they're sleeping right next to you.
He made me listen to that song one night. It made me think about how different things were about a year ago. I see things differently now. I know things that I didn't know a year ago. I've grown in so many ways. I've become stronger and a little stranger, but I'm different now.
Everyday is a test. I want to be sure that I'm not in some dreamworld. It's been almost a year now and I still love him. Why? I don't know for sure, but it doesn't matter. I have what I've always wanted, but now what? How do I handle it? I mean, I'm so good at messing up a good thing. I've never been able to keep a man interested for more than 3 months...but why would this one stay with me for so long and insist that he loves me? I guess there are so many things that are just bigger than the two of us.
Yeah, I'm a little scared sometimes. There are times where I doubt myself. There are times where I don't feel attractive or desirable. There are times where I don't believe that I amount to anything...I guess it's normal to question yourself; to explore your thoughts, wants, needs, and dreams... I get confused about a lot of things sometimes, but I guess in the end, I know what's best for myself and for our relationship. We're both treading unfamiliar territory here. Neither of us has been in a relationship this long...and it's just a challege we both share.
A friend keeps telling me, "You need to remind yourselves why you guys love each other." He's right...but now isn't one of those times. How can I remind myself if all I do is think about him? I don't really need any reminding that Arnell loves me. I don't need to remind myself that I love him. Not right now.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Being sick sucks.
I had to miss work today. I think something was going around the store and I caught it. The air conditioning and the heat outside must've messed me up.
I ended up staying home and suffering through most of the day. I couldn't even make it to confirmation. I feel horrible, since there has been so many things that have been preventing me from attending. bleh.
On the upside of things...
I was reminded of how the little things are the most important. The fact that he came home and greeted me with a tight hug and kiss made that sickly feeling go away that much faster. Just watching a movie at home together made me feel better.
It's funny that after almost a year, I was reminded why I love Arnell so much. I know that the road has been pretty bumpy lately, but at least I'm still sitting shotgun.
After a few obstacles, I realized that Arnell really means a lot to me. I haven't really been the best boyfriend, but I really try hard. I want to be better for him. I want to be better for myself too. He must be doing something right if I still come home to him. Sometimes, I wish that he really understood how much I love him. Could it be that I'm loving him too much? Nah. There's no such thing.
I need my rest. It's time to sleep and we both have work tomorrow.
Things are getting better and I'm feeling not-so-under-the-weather. I hope I'm even better when I go to work tomorrow.
I had to miss work today. I think something was going around the store and I caught it. The air conditioning and the heat outside must've messed me up.
I ended up staying home and suffering through most of the day. I couldn't even make it to confirmation. I feel horrible, since there has been so many things that have been preventing me from attending. bleh.
On the upside of things...
I was reminded of how the little things are the most important. The fact that he came home and greeted me with a tight hug and kiss made that sickly feeling go away that much faster. Just watching a movie at home together made me feel better.
It's funny that after almost a year, I was reminded why I love Arnell so much. I know that the road has been pretty bumpy lately, but at least I'm still sitting shotgun.
After a few obstacles, I realized that Arnell really means a lot to me. I haven't really been the best boyfriend, but I really try hard. I want to be better for him. I want to be better for myself too. He must be doing something right if I still come home to him. Sometimes, I wish that he really understood how much I love him. Could it be that I'm loving him too much? Nah. There's no such thing.
I need my rest. It's time to sleep and we both have work tomorrow.
Things are getting better and I'm feeling not-so-under-the-weather. I hope I'm even better when I go to work tomorrow.
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
i'm feeling sick. I suppose that psychology affects physiology. blah.
my health has been declining since the week started. i dont wanna get sick! i have to be healthy this weekend.
Could this be the demise of my sunday event?! I certainly hope not. Then again...isn't that how it's supposed to happen? ergh.
I MUST REMAIN IN GOOD HEALTH!!!
my health has been declining since the week started. i dont wanna get sick! i have to be healthy this weekend.
Could this be the demise of my sunday event?! I certainly hope not. Then again...isn't that how it's supposed to happen? ergh.
I MUST REMAIN IN GOOD HEALTH!!!
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Working is getting a little hard on me.
I mean after not working for over a month, having to work 46 hours in 5 days is kind of a shock to the system.
I feel like my world is spinning a little too fast. I have this feeling that I will slowly degenerate as the week goes by. I already feel like I'm starting to give way; physically, emotionally, and especially spiritually.
I feel like I messed up. Make it all go away.
I'm not too happy with myself right now. I don't feel very good about myself.
I don't feel happy. I just don't.
fuck.
I mean after not working for over a month, having to work 46 hours in 5 days is kind of a shock to the system.
I feel like my world is spinning a little too fast. I have this feeling that I will slowly degenerate as the week goes by. I already feel like I'm starting to give way; physically, emotionally, and especially spiritually.
I feel like I messed up. Make it all go away.
I'm not too happy with myself right now. I don't feel very good about myself.
I don't feel happy. I just don't.
fuck.
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Epiphanies.
When one comes to a realization concerning their character, the results bring about major change. Today, a friend and I spoke about how a simple detail was sort of glossed over. I think he fortified his self worth by realizing that he was not necessarily in the wrong. I mean, let's face it...one would always feel good when they figure out that they were the bigger person.
People are simply who they are...or at least try to be. There are traits and habits that some people have that we cannot simply change. There are things that we attempt to cope with, but in reality should not tolerate.
When we're in love, we think differently. One would tend to rationalize circumstances to cater to the benefit of a doubt. It takes a lot for someone to admit their wrong or take responsibility for certain actions. It's even more difficult to take responsibility for the faults of others. Sadly, there are times where our misplaced trust bites back. In other words, we make mistakes.
Mistakes are the only tools we can fully rely on. Every human is capable of making one....whether its deliberate or not. I'm not saying that mistakes are fun... Obviously most mistakes happen due to clouded judgement or simple instant gratification.
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
I never did believe in that. I've been the victim and I've been the one who initiated it. It doesn't feel good to be on either side.
The best revenge is living well.
Be who you are. Go with what you know...
A dish served cold? That shit better be DESSERT.
Normally, I would have let this whole thought process just go to waste with a good night's sleep. Not this time though. I couldn't let myself sleep without writing. I need to let myself know how I feel sometimes.
Friend, after opening yourself up I realized a lot of things. I respect you and love you so much more. It comforts me to know that you trust me enough to share and confide in me. You are a better person for stepping up and learning from your mistakes and being able to be patient enough to put the pieces together. You are an awesome person. Remember that everyone has to strive to be better people. You are important. You are loved for who you are...shortcomings and all.
Now I can sleep. My cousin's getting married in 9 1/2 hours...whoa.
When one comes to a realization concerning their character, the results bring about major change. Today, a friend and I spoke about how a simple detail was sort of glossed over. I think he fortified his self worth by realizing that he was not necessarily in the wrong. I mean, let's face it...one would always feel good when they figure out that they were the bigger person.
People are simply who they are...or at least try to be. There are traits and habits that some people have that we cannot simply change. There are things that we attempt to cope with, but in reality should not tolerate.
When we're in love, we think differently. One would tend to rationalize circumstances to cater to the benefit of a doubt. It takes a lot for someone to admit their wrong or take responsibility for certain actions. It's even more difficult to take responsibility for the faults of others. Sadly, there are times where our misplaced trust bites back. In other words, we make mistakes.
Mistakes are the only tools we can fully rely on. Every human is capable of making one....whether its deliberate or not. I'm not saying that mistakes are fun... Obviously most mistakes happen due to clouded judgement or simple instant gratification.
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
I never did believe in that. I've been the victim and I've been the one who initiated it. It doesn't feel good to be on either side.
The best revenge is living well.
Be who you are. Go with what you know...
A dish served cold? That shit better be DESSERT.
Normally, I would have let this whole thought process just go to waste with a good night's sleep. Not this time though. I couldn't let myself sleep without writing. I need to let myself know how I feel sometimes.
Friend, after opening yourself up I realized a lot of things. I respect you and love you so much more. It comforts me to know that you trust me enough to share and confide in me. You are a better person for stepping up and learning from your mistakes and being able to be patient enough to put the pieces together. You are an awesome person. Remember that everyone has to strive to be better people. You are important. You are loved for who you are...shortcomings and all.
Now I can sleep. My cousin's getting married in 9 1/2 hours...whoa.
Friday, July 22, 2005
Something is wrong here. It's a beautiful morning and I'm totally awake for it. I wonder how that happened...hmmm strange.
I'm feeling pretty darn good right now. As of 11:20 last night, I completed yet another large project. In a previous post, I show the program cover. Well folks, that's not the only thing that I did. My diligent ass did their engagment photos, a short video presentation, as well as their programs. I was ripping my hair out getting it all done, but I couldn't have done it without the support system I had. The job would have cost her at least $1000 or so...and I'm talking after the "family discount." I did a LOT of work for the short time span that was given to me. I hope they like all the work that was put into it. After all that, I'm still getting them a present. ha. Am I awesome or what?!
The video concept was inspired and developed by Arnell. His ideas really got my thought process going. THANKS BEB! Peter attempted to keep me sane during the project and helped with the song selection. THANKS PETTERZ! My brother will piece it all together and even add a little Si flare to it. That's how septembros do it. THANKS BROTHER WHO SHARED A PLACENTA WITH ME!
I'm not so stressed out and frustrated anymore. THANK GOD. I've been so stressed out trying to meet deadlines. Shit, I deserve to go to Disneyland...oh wait. Never mind. ha ha.
In other news, I'm employed for next week. I'll be setting up Pumpkin Patch's flagship store in the Glendale Galleria. Now that I know a little more about the company, it's pretty damn cool. I'll be working 9 hour days most of the week, so I'll be outta sight most of the day. Finally, a little cash in the pocket. I'll enjoy a TINY part of what I got coming to me...but I have to keep in mind that I have bigger plans to fulfill.
In other-other news, I was immersed into a new culture. I was exposed to candy. That'sright wrong! Strangers with Candy...That show is hilariously stupid. You can thank Peter for corrupting my thought process even more now.
I've been asked to put a birthday wish list up. I haven't really descided, but I suppose I'll put it up before August starts. Gosh...birthday gifts...that's a whole other entry all together. Blah, I digress...
I'm pretty content with life. This weekend is going to be an eventful one.
Someone remind me to stop by the Rib vending machine today. I'm kidding. I have to go to the Money Vending machine first. DUH.
(I forgot how cute RnL looks in scrubs before he goes to work. ha. I'm so gay.)
I'm feeling pretty darn good right now. As of 11:20 last night, I completed yet another large project. In a previous post, I show the program cover. Well folks, that's not the only thing that I did. My diligent ass did their engagment photos, a short video presentation, as well as their programs. I was ripping my hair out getting it all done, but I couldn't have done it without the support system I had. The job would have cost her at least $1000 or so...and I'm talking after the "family discount." I did a LOT of work for the short time span that was given to me. I hope they like all the work that was put into it. After all that, I'm still getting them a present. ha. Am I awesome or what?!
The video concept was inspired and developed by Arnell. His ideas really got my thought process going. THANKS BEB! Peter attempted to keep me sane during the project and helped with the song selection. THANKS PETTERZ! My brother will piece it all together and even add a little Si flare to it. That's how septembros do it. THANKS BROTHER WHO SHARED A PLACENTA WITH ME!
I'm not so stressed out and frustrated anymore. THANK GOD. I've been so stressed out trying to meet deadlines. Shit, I deserve to go to Disneyland...oh wait. Never mind. ha ha.
In other news, I'm employed for next week. I'll be setting up Pumpkin Patch's flagship store in the Glendale Galleria. Now that I know a little more about the company, it's pretty damn cool. I'll be working 9 hour days most of the week, so I'll be outta sight most of the day. Finally, a little cash in the pocket. I'll enjoy a TINY part of what I got coming to me...but I have to keep in mind that I have bigger plans to fulfill.
In other-other news, I was immersed into a new culture. I was exposed to candy. That's
I've been asked to put a birthday wish list up. I haven't really descided, but I suppose I'll put it up before August starts. Gosh...birthday gifts...that's a whole other entry all together. Blah, I digress...
I'm pretty content with life. This weekend is going to be an eventful one.
Someone remind me to stop by the Rib vending machine today. I'm kidding. I have to go to the Money Vending machine first. DUH.
(I forgot how cute RnL looks in scrubs before he goes to work. ha. I'm so gay.)
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
It suddenly dawned on me that people around me have been getting new cars.
1. Simon = Blue WRX
2. Tita Josie = Graphite CR-V
3. Joel = Silver Tacoma
4. Peter = Black Prius (the cool one...not the ugly echo wannabe)
5. Justin = Rust Element
I'm sure there are more.
I've decided to set a long term goal for myself. It's about time I took responsibility for myself...obviously, the payoff will be BIG.
What do you think of this?
The Scion xB has always intrigued me. I've been wanting a new car...not that my 1997 Civic isn't serving me well. I think that if I decide to make a large goal happen, I'd be able to do anything I put my mind to.
I'm not TOTALLY set on this car...but its the best bet for me.
The mileage is pretty good. The price is right. I'll post details later.
What do you guys think? Am I nuts? I think the car's hot! ha.
haha...I said, "nuts."
Gosh, just talking to my brother about this whole car thing really makes me want to do my homework.
NOTE TO SELF:
Before getting started: Do your homework about the car!
Step 1: Get a job and pay debts!
Step 2: Stay consistent and SAVE consistent
Step 3: Set down payment to $3500
Step 4: Have Mom co-sign (which she will. ha.)
Step 5: BUDGET BIG TIME -- SACRIFICE AND RATIONALIZE
Step 6: Stay patient
Step 7: SUCCEED
1. Simon = Blue WRX
2. Tita Josie = Graphite CR-V
3. Joel = Silver Tacoma
4. Peter = Black Prius (the cool one...not the ugly echo wannabe)
5. Justin = Rust Element
I'm sure there are more.
I've decided to set a long term goal for myself. It's about time I took responsibility for myself...obviously, the payoff will be BIG.
What do you think of this?
The Scion xB has always intrigued me. I've been wanting a new car...not that my 1997 Civic isn't serving me well. I think that if I decide to make a large goal happen, I'd be able to do anything I put my mind to.
I'm not TOTALLY set on this car...but its the best bet for me.
The mileage is pretty good. The price is right. I'll post details later.
What do you guys think? Am I nuts? I think the car's hot! ha.
haha...I said, "nuts."
Gosh, just talking to my brother about this whole car thing really makes me want to do my homework.
NOTE TO SELF:
Before getting started: Do your homework about the car!
Step 1: Get a job and pay debts!
Step 2: Stay consistent and SAVE consistent
Step 3: Set down payment to $3500
Step 4: Have Mom co-sign (which she will. ha.)
Step 5: BUDGET BIG TIME -- SACRIFICE AND RATIONALIZE
Step 6: Stay patient
Step 7: SUCCEED
I'm finally done for the night. This wedding may be stressing me out and working my ass to bits, but it's worth it. My cousin is lucky that I love her! haha. The programs are totally done and the video is looking pretty good. I'm happy with the progress...I've been sitting at this effin computer for too long now. Argh.
RnL, I'm sorry that I'm working so much...I haven't been able to spend too much time with you. =(
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Sunday, July 17, 2005
It's been almost a year, and beb, we've been through so much together. Even when I doubted myself the most, love prevailed. I was reminded of how much I love the little things that you do for me. I was reminded how fragile my heart is when I open up to you. I was reminded how special this relationship really is to me.
I'm sorry for all the times I've given up on myself and for all the times I just seemed to stop caring. I'm a better person because of you and I still strive to be more than I am now.
When you kiss me, my heart smiles. When you hug me, I feel secure and wanted. When you look at me, I see patience and compassion. Always tell me that you love me, even though I already know. Hearing "I love you." reminds me that a loving God exists.
I love hearing you laugh and seeing you smile. It makes my world turn. I love all the little things...every little bit of you. It brings meaning to my life. I always thought that life was only meant for one...but in fact it's meant to be shared with the person who loves you for who you are; everything you are. Never forget how much you mean to me...my friend, my hero, my love.
I love you with every fiber of my existence.
Why?
Only because you love me back...
I'm sorry for all the times I've given up on myself and for all the times I just seemed to stop caring. I'm a better person because of you and I still strive to be more than I am now.
When you kiss me, my heart smiles. When you hug me, I feel secure and wanted. When you look at me, I see patience and compassion. Always tell me that you love me, even though I already know. Hearing "I love you." reminds me that a loving God exists.
I love hearing you laugh and seeing you smile. It makes my world turn. I love all the little things...every little bit of you. It brings meaning to my life. I always thought that life was only meant for one...but in fact it's meant to be shared with the person who loves you for who you are; everything you are. Never forget how much you mean to me...my friend, my hero, my love.
I love you with every fiber of my existence.
Why?
Only because you love me back...
Friday, July 15, 2005
Hey, I just realized that it's exactly 2 months before my birthday.
(Ha, I sound like RnL.)
I'm a loser.
I've decided what I really want for my birthday; quite possibly the only thing. Since early/mid 2004 to now, I've been jerked around about getting to go to Disneyland. Yeah, there's always next time...but honestly how would you feel if there were at least 6 different opportunities to go and ALL of them fell through? Yeah, you'd be pretty butthurt too. I've missed going with Scott. I've missed going with my brother and sister. I've missed going with RnL 3 times now. (I think...I lost count.) Now he's going again with some good company and people I haven't seen in a long time...and my poor ass ain't going.
I was looking forward to going on the 30th, but I guess it's not going to happen. (Keep in mind that all of the trips were ill timed or rescheduled, none of it was really intentional.) Anyway, I was REALLY excited and I really put my hopes up this time...but again, it was rescheduled to a date that I couldn't go. In a way, I wasn't really surprised. It's like I'm not meant to go to Disneyland and/or DCA.
Now, I don't take offers of Disneyland trips very seriously anymore. I guess I'm just numb to it. I know I shouldn't be all bitter about it...but I am. So, live with it.
There's an anti-Disney conspiracy going on...and I don't like it one bit.
Psssssssh. Disneyland? Whatever. =(
(Ha, I sound like RnL.)
I'm a loser.
I've decided what I really want for my birthday; quite possibly the only thing. Since early/mid 2004 to now, I've been jerked around about getting to go to Disneyland. Yeah, there's always next time...but honestly how would you feel if there were at least 6 different opportunities to go and ALL of them fell through? Yeah, you'd be pretty butthurt too. I've missed going with Scott. I've missed going with my brother and sister. I've missed going with RnL 3 times now. (I think...I lost count.) Now he's going again with some good company and people I haven't seen in a long time...and my poor ass ain't going.
I was looking forward to going on the 30th, but I guess it's not going to happen. (Keep in mind that all of the trips were ill timed or rescheduled, none of it was really intentional.) Anyway, I was REALLY excited and I really put my hopes up this time...but again, it was rescheduled to a date that I couldn't go. In a way, I wasn't really surprised. It's like I'm not meant to go to Disneyland and/or DCA.
Now, I don't take offers of Disneyland trips very seriously anymore. I guess I'm just numb to it. I know I shouldn't be all bitter about it...but I am. So, live with it.
There's an anti-Disney conspiracy going on...and I don't like it one bit.
Psssssssh. Disneyland? Whatever. =(
I never really understood why I'm so selfish or why I forget that my life isn't just meant for fulfilling my own desires. I should really stop and think about who is really important to me.
I forget how happy it makes me to make others happy; especially RnL. I remember the first day we met, I was so willing to sacrifice my well-being just to make sure that he'd make it in LA. Now what? I feel like I lost track of what's important. I've realized how lazy and irresponsible I've become.
I wish I could be more for him.
However, the only way to even grow and be a better boyfriend for him is to start improving myself first.
I have done so much that I regret. It's time to just get real...but what I'm asking from you is support, encouragement and patience. I can't do it alone. I need to feel like I'm progressing. I need to be told when I'm doing something RIGHT for a change. Let me know I'm gonna be okay.
To change is to display strength.
I need to be a stronger person...and in order to do that, I need to be reminded how important my actions really are...not just for myself, but for the ones I love.
Time to get real Mark...you have a lot to work to do.
I forget how happy it makes me to make others happy; especially RnL. I remember the first day we met, I was so willing to sacrifice my well-being just to make sure that he'd make it in LA. Now what? I feel like I lost track of what's important. I've realized how lazy and irresponsible I've become.
I wish I could be more for him.
However, the only way to even grow and be a better boyfriend for him is to start improving myself first.
I have done so much that I regret. It's time to just get real...but what I'm asking from you is support, encouragement and patience. I can't do it alone. I need to feel like I'm progressing. I need to be told when I'm doing something RIGHT for a change. Let me know I'm gonna be okay.
To change is to display strength.
I need to be a stronger person...and in order to do that, I need to be reminded how important my actions really are...not just for myself, but for the ones I love.
Time to get real Mark...you have a lot to work to do.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Character.
It's a difficult part of oneself to build and maintain. We can get caught up in the lastest fashions or own the most expensive things, but what does that prove? People cannot be defined by their possessions nor by their ability to obtain these possessions. The fact is, the more you have been blessed with, the more you should be able to share with others.
I learned that 10% of life happens to you, while the other 90% is how you react and respond to it. We are each given a different path to walk. It's up to us whether we take the high road or not. Our choices in life are based on the circumstances we have to work with. Sometimes we need someone to walk the path with us and sometimes it's better alone.
You, the reader, are obviously in a different position than I am...but does that make you any more or less of a person? No. That is what's so beautiful about life. We all have so much to offer each other. We have so much to learn and so much to gain from each other if we learn to just give and take fairly.
Never sell yourself short. There's no reason to second guess who you are. Only you can define yourself. There is no point to have anyone else validate who you are. We are mosaics consisting of different bits and pieces of people we love and hate the most. Be who you are. Only you can play that role and no one can take that from you. Embrace everything you are; your thoughts, dreams, hopes, fears, and flaws.
Life is just one big oxymoron: We all try to fit in while trying to stand out.
You put me back up on my feet and told me to keep walking, even when you hardly had the strength to hold yourself up.
You encouraged me when I thought I had nothing left in me.
You had faith in me when you had nothing else left to believe in.
...and for that I owe you so much.
You know who you are.
It's a difficult part of oneself to build and maintain. We can get caught up in the lastest fashions or own the most expensive things, but what does that prove? People cannot be defined by their possessions nor by their ability to obtain these possessions. The fact is, the more you have been blessed with, the more you should be able to share with others.
I learned that 10% of life happens to you, while the other 90% is how you react and respond to it. We are each given a different path to walk. It's up to us whether we take the high road or not. Our choices in life are based on the circumstances we have to work with. Sometimes we need someone to walk the path with us and sometimes it's better alone.
You, the reader, are obviously in a different position than I am...but does that make you any more or less of a person? No. That is what's so beautiful about life. We all have so much to offer each other. We have so much to learn and so much to gain from each other if we learn to just give and take fairly.
Never sell yourself short. There's no reason to second guess who you are. Only you can define yourself. There is no point to have anyone else validate who you are. We are mosaics consisting of different bits and pieces of people we love and hate the most. Be who you are. Only you can play that role and no one can take that from you. Embrace everything you are; your thoughts, dreams, hopes, fears, and flaws.
Life is just one big oxymoron: We all try to fit in while trying to stand out.
You put me back up on my feet and told me to keep walking, even when you hardly had the strength to hold yourself up.
You encouraged me when I thought I had nothing left in me.
You had faith in me when you had nothing else left to believe in.
...and for that I owe you so much.
You know who you are.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
There are people that really have made a difference in my life. Whether it was from my past or present, I have been influenced by others that will affect me forever. I love you all. Thank you.
goodnight all.
Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, they serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be; your roommate, neighbor, professor, long lost friend, lover or even a complete stranger who, when you lock eyes with them, you know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way. And sometimes things happen to you and at the time they may seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential strength will power or heart.
Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, if they be events, illnesses or relationships, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. Safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless. The people you meet who affect your life and the successes and downfalls you experience, they are the ones who create who you are. Even the bad experiences can be learned from, those lessons are the hardest and probably the most important ones.
If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to who you open your heart to.
If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you would have never seen or felt without them.
Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again.
Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen, let yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high.
Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you either.
You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it.
-AUTHOR UNKNOWN
goodnight all.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
I guess there are just times where you need to get away. This past weekend really made me realize how much I love RnL. I guess you could say that I was a little shaken in my faith towards myself. After this past weekend, I realized how much I love him; how much faith I really have in him and in myself.
Peter...ha. This guy really helps me out when I need someone to talk to. He really understands me when I have a problem. I really don't know what I'd do with out him. Thanks for everything Petterz...You really have a knack for putting up with RnL and I. ha.
Upon coming home, I found it hard to swallow life. I have so much to work on. I need a lot of support. I need a lot of encouragement. I have lots to work on. argh. pressure. =(
I'm sorry I haven't been so articulate or elaborate lately...I just don't really have the time nor the energy to really write about all of my feelings.
I guess I'm just overwhelmed by a lot of things right now.
Peter...ha. This guy really helps me out when I need someone to talk to. He really understands me when I have a problem. I really don't know what I'd do with out him. Thanks for everything Petterz...You really have a knack for putting up with RnL and I. ha.
Upon coming home, I found it hard to swallow life. I have so much to work on. I need a lot of support. I need a lot of encouragement. I have lots to work on. argh. pressure. =(
I'm sorry I haven't been so articulate or elaborate lately...I just don't really have the time nor the energy to really write about all of my feelings.
I guess I'm just overwhelmed by a lot of things right now.
Monday, July 11, 2005
Vegas was super awesome.
Reality sucks.
This week will be a start of a major change of self image & self worth.
Tomorrow...I will aggressively start looking for a job and doing my homework about dieting and exercise.
I'm not about to spend any money on myself or other people. It's time to be responsible. It's time to face my shit and get myself together.
I'm not feeling like writing but I guess I owe some of you an update.
Reality sucks.
This week will be a start of a major change of self image & self worth.
Tomorrow...I will aggressively start looking for a job and doing my homework about dieting and exercise.
I'm not about to spend any money on myself or other people. It's time to be responsible. It's time to face my shit and get myself together.
I'm not feeling like writing but I guess I owe some of you an update.
Friday, July 08, 2005
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
There are just people in life who come and go. Some stay longer than others, but everyone leaves a footprint behind. Some stay with you for the rest of your life...
Today, a good friend stood up and tried corrected a wrong that I was too weak to solve. He took so much of himself to selflessly heal others. I know that it took a lot out of him once everything started to piece together again.
I'm grateful for my downe friends who care more about my life than I do. I never really know why I deserve people like him...or people who care about Arnell and I so much. I suppose that there's an air of similiarity with him and Arnell. Nonetheless, there are just some people who don't really know they're own worth.
On another note:
Sometimes, life throws some major curve balls.
You either strike out or hit a homerun.
Right now, I'm not really sure which one just happened, but I sorta feel like I've been hit by the pitch.
Today, a good friend stood up and tried corrected a wrong that I was too weak to solve. He took so much of himself to selflessly heal others. I know that it took a lot out of him once everything started to piece together again.
I'm grateful for my downe friends who care more about my life than I do. I never really know why I deserve people like him...or people who care about Arnell and I so much. I suppose that there's an air of similiarity with him and Arnell. Nonetheless, there are just some people who don't really know they're own worth.
On another note:
Sometimes, life throws some major curve balls.
You either strike out or hit a homerun.
Right now, I'm not really sure which one just happened, but I sorta feel like I've been hit by the pitch.
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
I've never really had a super eventful 4th of July. This year was different. I had the greatest 3 day weekend.
I guess you just had to be there.
I'm home now and I feel happy, relaxed, relieved, and frankly a little surprised. heh. Thank you to Petterz, Daryl, Emmett, Nate, and my love for everything you guys did for me this weekend.
Downtown Disney was fun!
I'm not gonna elaborate this time. ha!
Good night.
I guess you just had to be there.
I'm home now and I feel happy, relaxed, relieved, and frankly a little surprised. heh. Thank you to Petterz, Daryl, Emmett, Nate, and my love for everything you guys did for me this weekend.
Downtown Disney was fun!
I'm not gonna elaborate this time. ha!
Good night.
Monday, July 04, 2005
Add D&B, Wolverine, a Prius, bees, pigs, cows, sling shots, thongs, 3 hours of traffic, 1.5 miles, deep fried snickers, funnel cakes, and a pseudo-lesbian together...and what do you get?
The greatest weekend ever!
Arnell and I spent the weekend with Daryl and Peter to go to the San Diego County Fair.
Thank you guys for showing us a great time. Thanks for EVERYTHING!
I'll miss you guys!
Me object? ha.
The greatest weekend ever!
Arnell and I spent the weekend with Daryl and Peter to go to the San Diego County Fair.
Thank you guys for showing us a great time. Thanks for EVERYTHING!
I'll miss you guys!
Me object? ha.
I'm bursting at the seams with thoughts right now. Some of which cannot be really discussed here. Anyway, this weekend has been initiating a lot of positive contemplation on my part.
FRIENDS.
This past weekend I realized that I finally have what I want in friends. It's nice to know that I have a circle of dependable, trustworhy, compassionate, patient, loving downe friends in the world. I've been considered to be part of the "family" with Arnell's closest friends. I truly appreciate who they are and what they do for me. I can't wait until we all go to Vegas.
Peter...
Peter...
Peter...
I'm sure my readers...all 4 of them... are sick and tired of me bringing him up. Trust me folks...if you know him like do...you'd understand why I'm grateful for having him in my life.
With that said...
After this weekend, I realize how much I respect him. I realized how important he is to me. There are not that many people who genuinely appreciate my friendship. I'd never leave his side. I truly wish that I never had to leave. After all, I'm "PROPERTY OF PETER" right now. This guy really makes me feel like I matter in the world. He helps me figure out who I am when it comes to Arnell. He reassures me when I doubt myself.
For the record Peter, it doesn't matter where the 4 of us were today. I'm just totally elated that I was able to spend time with great company.
Daryl, you dykey bitch. ha.
He's someone that I know that I can always talk to. His open-minded outlook, humor, and patience makes him a one of a kind person...besides those hot ass shoes that he rocked today. I can tell that he has so much to offer if you ask for it. I can tell so much about him by the way he cares about Peter and relates to him. I just hope he knows that I really appreciate his company...ever since our first "talk" chillin at my place. If I need a brain to pick, I can always count on him.
....................
You can really learn a lot about someone by the way they interact with the people they care about the most. You can learn a lot about yourself if you share your point of view with others.
You can say that this weekend really made sense for me. I had a great time. I can't wait to see those fuckers again. I LOVE YOU GUYS!
IF FOUND, PLEASE RETURN TO PETTERZ ha.
FRIENDS.
This past weekend I realized that I finally have what I want in friends. It's nice to know that I have a circle of dependable, trustworhy, compassionate, patient, loving downe friends in the world. I've been considered to be part of the "family" with Arnell's closest friends. I truly appreciate who they are and what they do for me. I can't wait until we all go to Vegas.
Peter...
Peter...
Peter...
I'm sure my readers...all 4 of them... are sick and tired of me bringing him up. Trust me folks...if you know him like do...you'd understand why I'm grateful for having him in my life.
With that said...
After this weekend, I realize how much I respect him. I realized how important he is to me. There are not that many people who genuinely appreciate my friendship. I'd never leave his side. I truly wish that I never had to leave. After all, I'm "PROPERTY OF PETER" right now. This guy really makes me feel like I matter in the world. He helps me figure out who I am when it comes to Arnell. He reassures me when I doubt myself.
For the record Peter, it doesn't matter where the 4 of us were today. I'm just totally elated that I was able to spend time with great company.
Daryl, you dykey bitch. ha.
He's someone that I know that I can always talk to. His open-minded outlook, humor, and patience makes him a one of a kind person...besides those hot ass shoes that he rocked today. I can tell that he has so much to offer if you ask for it. I can tell so much about him by the way he cares about Peter and relates to him. I just hope he knows that I really appreciate his company...ever since our first "talk" chillin at my place. If I need a brain to pick, I can always count on him.
You can really learn a lot about someone by the way they interact with the people they care about the most. You can learn a lot about yourself if you share your point of view with others.
You can say that this weekend really made sense for me. I had a great time. I can't wait to see those fuckers again. I LOVE YOU GUYS!
IF FOUND, PLEASE RETURN TO PETTERZ ha.
Friday, July 01, 2005
Spongebob Squaredog
My mom didn't take Ginger to the vet and decided to diagnose the problem herself. The bandage is wrapped on her tail because my mom thinks that that it's just an infected wound on her tail. She's been knawing at it also...BUT since we didn't take her to the vet, we didn't get that cone to prevent the biting...so my mom said, "We have to improvise! I can just do a simple home remedy." Now my poor Pomeranian has this spongy rectangle around her neck.
My mom can be so cheap sometimes. I hope I don't ever get injured. God knows what "home remedies" she would come up with.
My mom didn't take Ginger to the vet and decided to diagnose the problem herself. The bandage is wrapped on her tail because my mom thinks that that it's just an infected wound on her tail. She's been knawing at it also...BUT since we didn't take her to the vet, we didn't get that cone to prevent the biting...so my mom said, "We have to improvise! I can just do a simple home remedy." Now my poor Pomeranian has this spongy rectangle around her neck.
My mom can be so cheap sometimes. I hope I don't ever get injured. God knows what "home remedies" she would come up with.
IMAGE.
I guess there is too much emphasis on it; towards oneself, from society and from the pressures of the media. I can't ever really say that I was completely satisfied with my physicality. I would see the hottest bodies, the perfect white smiles, and the greatest hair.
Now, I can't say that I have a a body of a greek god...but I guess I should really be content with who I am. I mean, I'm so confortable with everything else. All my life, I've wished I had a better appearance. I wanted to be those types who would get a second glance when you walk by. I suppose wanting this image can come from living in LA so long. ha.
Another reason why there are a lot of image concious guys is because the downe scene is so obsessed with who's hot and who's not. Honestly, I've perused the website in search of some hot eye candy...but that's all they're really good for: entertainment. I figured out that you don't really keep guys like them...You RENT them. They're only good to dance around and look pretty. haha.
I'll admit, I've always wanted to look the part of a trophy boyfriend. But, now that I've given things a little more thought, I think that I should improve my physical appearance to improve my HEALTH...NOT gain social status. I know that Arnell loves me...flaws and all. I love him just they way he is as well...
I guess it takes someone else's point of view. Beauty is skin deep...but love, respect, compassion, and care go beyond that.
(Okay, now with that out of the way...time for ANIMAL CROSSING!)
I guess there is too much emphasis on it; towards oneself, from society and from the pressures of the media. I can't ever really say that I was completely satisfied with my physicality. I would see the hottest bodies, the perfect white smiles, and the greatest hair.
Now, I can't say that I have a a body of a greek god...but I guess I should really be content with who I am. I mean, I'm so confortable with everything else. All my life, I've wished I had a better appearance. I wanted to be those types who would get a second glance when you walk by. I suppose wanting this image can come from living in LA so long. ha.
Another reason why there are a lot of image concious guys is because the downe scene is so obsessed with who's hot and who's not. Honestly, I've perused the website in search of some hot eye candy...but that's all they're really good for: entertainment. I figured out that you don't really keep guys like them...You RENT them. They're only good to dance around and look pretty. haha.
I'll admit, I've always wanted to look the part of a trophy boyfriend. But, now that I've given things a little more thought, I think that I should improve my physical appearance to improve my HEALTH...NOT gain social status. I know that Arnell loves me...flaws and all. I love him just they way he is as well...
I guess it takes someone else's point of view. Beauty is skin deep...but love, respect, compassion, and care go beyond that.
(Okay, now with that out of the way...time for ANIMAL CROSSING!)
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