There are some people you come across and you know that they're going to change your life. There are some who need you and there are those whom you need. Human relationships aren't always really easy to decipher. All of them are pretty much dysfuntional yet each one balances and works.

Reality and life is all a bunch of give and take. Ten percent of life happens to you. The other ninety percent is how you react to it.

Sometimes we misinterpret our roles in other people's lives. Sometimes we're confused as to what our own role is. Sometimes there's a part of you that you can't really talk about because you're not entirely sure of what it is...

People are people. You can't change that. You can't deny who you are nor can you compromise the character of another person.

Life sucks sometimes, sure. Just remember that you're in control of what you want...well...for the most part.

I'm feeling a little out of place and a little bit inadequate. Don't ask why. I'm not really sure myself.

I guess I'm in that state where I'm just kinda thinking too much...or possibly not enough. Suddenly, a weird feeling took over; where taking a deep breath doesn't alleviate that uneasiness in your chest.

A thousand thoughts a second...

I can't say that I'm happy. I can't say that I'm sad either. Maybe just a little confused...maybe even a little removed from reality.

I'm feeling kinda stupid.

I'm less than perfect...not good enough.

I'm really glad to be up in the bay with my cousins. It's always nice to hang out with them and just laugh whether we're sober or intoxicated.

Damn...Kuya Chris is getting MARRIED! =)

Pictures will be coming...maybe.

I.

told.

YOU.

so.

I think I made my point clear. ha.

Marking Back Sunday

I forgot how much I loved being in choir. It's been a while since I went to mass. I realized how important it is for me personally to be part of something like that. I was welcomed back and I felt empowered to change myself. I guess you can blame Raise Your Voice for sparking my interest in singing again. I can't remember the last time I sang my heart out. It was always so easy in high school since I was in Concert Choir...but where can I outlet my talents now? I gotta sing once a week now. I also want to perform for the SD Xmas Concert this year. I've been performing there since I was 13 and I'm not about to stop now.

Now that I think about it, since I took the initiative to regain my strength in my faith, I feel empowered to get everything else back on track. I need to follow up with school, bone up on Confirmation, and cut some hours from work. Shit, I also gotta get back on my workout regimen. People have been noticing...so I guess there's some sort of progress. =)

I was told that I'm doing a lot; a lot for other people and that I should also take my own advice. I need time to myself. I need time to remember what it's like to be me.

Tell me that everything's going to be okay. I want to be reassured that I can do it.

My faith in God and in myself is getting just a little better.

I'm feelin' fine.

greatest. birthday.

EVER.

thanks to EVERYONE involved. I'm just a little drained so I don't really want to get into the whole thing. haha.

I'm (still) LEGAL!

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! LOVE ME! YAY!

Faux Model

I really love what I do. But the question is, "Am I GOOD at what 'I do?'"

Let's face it, I'm not perfect. Right now, I feel really far from perfection. I don't feel like I'm doing a good job at work. I mean, I don't really know if I'm doing a bad job either. It's just that I feel like I keep getting caught doing something wrong, even if it wasn't my fault. I guess once you're in charge, everything can be your fault. My managers kinda gave me a pep talk that went wrong. Instead of feeling empowered, I was pretty embarassed. I felt pretty discouraged since no one is really reassuring me that I'm doing a good job.

I can already feel school slipping away from me and we just ended the second week. I realized how hard it is to juggle a new thing. I can't afford to mess up this semester. I need to be motivated and encouraged.

Don't get me started with Confirmation. No one has said anything, but I know I'm definately slipping up. I can't quit work for it. I can't compromise school for it either. I don't know what to think. It's really embarassing to feel like one of the worst examples on the team. I've been there for so long and for some reason I feel out of the loop. I feel like I'm not really part of the team right now. I guess it's because of the Germany trip I missed. I was stressing out over tonight because I wasn't there on time. I mean, my team has never said anything to me, but I'm sure they think I'm losing my edge.

I don't get it. I feel like I'm not good at what I do anymore. I feel like a failure already. I feel like I'm not making a difference. I feel like that I'm gonna slip so far that I'm going to lose control of everything.

I feel like such a bad example, a bad leader and a bad student. I thought I was a role model. If I'm supposed to be one...I better get my shit straight.

Am I good enough? I'm really not sure right now. I'm not feeling too good about myself right now.

The scariest thing happened to me the other day.

I dislocated my shoulder again and no one was home. I tried to pull it back into it's socket but there wasn't a good position for me to pull it. I remembered that there were two different ways to get it back in position. One was to grab my wrist and use my knee to pop it back in. Another way is to extend my arm until it slips back into place.

As I reached for my phone to call Arnell, it popped back into place. I know it sounds gross, but it was really scary!

GAH! The shoes I ordered aren't coming anymore. The order got cancelled since they freaking ran out of the shoe I wanted.

*Shakes fist at urbanoutfitters.com*

So I've decided what I really wanted for my birthday. There are only 2 people that can do it for me.

I wish the two of them would just start talking to each other again. I hate having to be stuck in the middle. I don't even know why you guys are fighting anyway. It sucks that I want both of you there for my birthday but it seems that's not going to happen. I'm really annoyed about having to hear both sides dismiss each other like that friendship meant nothing.

Swallow your pride. There's a friendship that you're throwing away...and for what? Only you know.

Stop getting upset with the whole situation. I hate having to hear the worst from both of you. You're just going to let it die out?

It hurts me that you guys are so indifferent towards each other and you guys have been friends so much longer than I've known the two of you combined. IT'S NOT FAIR. I hope you guys start fixing all this. It's my party and I can cry if I want to...but I really don't want to cry.

UGH. If you solve this for my birthday, it'll be a great one for me. THANKS.

(not that i wouldn't appreciate the other things being done...but really...this would make everyone else's plans so much better.)

Grinding at the Mills

So I went shopping for myself today at Ontario Mills with the parentals. Okay, I know I was supposed to save up, but you know what? It's gonna be my birthday and I finally have an income. I figured that I should enjoy (some of) it first. I'll be paying off my debt too. Don't get me wrong, I'm not TOTALLY irresponsible. ha.

For what it's worth, I saved about $120 and paid 61% of the actual total.

I gotta look good for my birthday...well at least for the first 4 days. haha.

Premium Price Hike...

NO!!!

All of the passes went up another $20 BUCKS.

Boo. I should have just gotten a deluxe when I had the chance.

It's weird having all this free time to myself. I guess I have to admit that despite the bouts of loneliness, it's kind of nice to be by myself. I chose not to call people and just go out on my own rather than have people go with me.

I ended up getting myself something so I can sport new duds on my birthday. I got a new shirt and a decent pair of shoes. Now, all I need is an overpriced pair of jeans and I'm good to go. LOL. Not that I'd pay the riduculously high price...you know what I mean. ha.

I think I'm going to go birthday present shopping and then write some literature for my dad's website. Later, I should run another 2 miles or so. I'm actually getting used to this whole idea of exercising. haha. To top off my day, I'll clean tonight. I still have to pay for online traffic school.

I have work from 3 to 10 tomorrow. I guess it's best that I keep busy. I'm starting to feel lonely again. =(

I love you.
I miss you.
Hope you're having a good time.
Come home safely.

Everyone and their doggies are out doing things this weekend. I'm off Saturday and SUNDAY blargh! I guess I'll use this time to get some stuff done.

v2o retro
feeling: nonchalant yet content

Need a break from cleaning. It's seemingly endless...but there's a little progress.

I got a call from my boss lady telling me that head offices messed up the store's wage increases. It turns out I'm not the only one who was caught up in someone's mistake. I was told that I'm going to get retroed another fatty check ASAP. Head of Marketing (who knows me personally) said that she's going to raise some hell since we didn't get our deserved wages on time.

My bro wants me to go to v2o tonight. It's really not my thing, but I guess I should go and build a good report with my brother's friends and my straight friends. They always wonder why I don't attend their shindigs.

I think I should start thinking of some titles for my posts. It'd be good practice for my GD2 class since it's focusing on advertising. I need to keep my cleaver blade sharp you know?

Beb, I love you. I'm sorry you're so upset. I'll help you budget for your goals. =)

Petterz, enjoy the concert. You deserve a great night out.


I'm in a good mood...I'm getting another check! wheeeee!

ARGH! I'm never gonna get my premium pass. I wanted to get it before my birthday but fucking work is still paying me with a sales associate's wage. I feel like a glorified associate. I'm management dammit! Why the fuck didn't my paperwork go through yet?! I was supposed to make a credit card payment with that paycheck and get something for Si for his (our) birthday. Fuck.

I'm irritated now. Disney's still after me. I can feel it. *shifty eyes*

Ri-fuckin-diculous...

goodnight.