There are only a few hours left for 2001...For some reason I feel like I'm parting with something that has been a real big part of my life. I've had a lot of hardships but each one proved to have great rewards in the end. This year, everyone is doing their own thing and I can't help but feel segregated from everyone. Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that I'm still fortunate enough to be able to celebrate the New Year with my family. After all it is a Kaiklian tradition that has taken place for over 14 years. I turned down 3 parties and an all-expense paid trip to Disneyland and CA Adventure.

I'm feeling empty right now. I don't know why. It's no one's fault...

I'm ready to ring in the new year with open arms and sober ones at that. Here comes some changes in my life. Are you ready???

I guess I was so jaded last night that I didn't mention that I went to have some boba last night with some good friends. I had a great time. These pics should speak for themselves:

I obviously fell off the boat last night, but that doesn't mean that I regret everything I said early this morning. I looked at the year differently when I woke up this morning. I'm much more mature than I was before. I'm much more responsible (with certain things) and I have buttloads of friends that love me as much as I love them. One step at a time...and eventually I'll be in the ideal position.

My New Year's resolution = not to take things for granted and work for the long term goals. map out my progress and be in the ideal position of the moment

Meanwhile, back in Diego where Julie and Adolfo were stuck keyless:

It turned out that they got the key later that morning. I asked why the option was me and in fact I WAS the last option. As I type, they are crossing the border to vacation for the next 3 days. **sigh** I love happy endings...don't you? (I wonder what they'll bring me...) =P

Res speaks to me. This is the 3rd time the CD looped and I'm seriously feeling her vibe. She's real. The lyrics make sense and aren't all sappy like music that's publicated on radio. My musical horizons have just expanded. I think you should listen to her art and I hope that you appreciate it as much as I do.

And the you wonder why I need some time to myself. You're the reason why. I want to be by myself. And then you wonder why I want to be alone. You're the reason why. And in the middle of the night I can hear you wonderin'...Are there things that I should know. You ain't foolin' me

The year of 2001 is now at an end. As of right now, I'm telling myself that there was a lot of change involved. My friends have been well defined in 2001. I made a list of 28 lifetime goals for myself and ended up acheiving only two of them. Some of the goals I've set for myself aren't going to help me at all. In fact, some of them, I'm too scared to attempt. Now, I'm not suggesting that the past year was a failure, but it sure as hell wasn't a success. Right now, I don't know what I've done for myself for the past year. I haven't been doing all too well in college since I started. I'm driving myself broke. I'm not in the best physical shape I'd like to be in. I'm single. I've been lazy and irresponsible. I still work in the "you suck as a server, but we need you" table stations at work. I'm not even a cantor in the choir I've been in for 6 years. I have no awards for anything. I didn't even qualify for any scholorships or grants. I feel like I lost my connection with my confirmation students. Despite what I have told you...I have NO IDEA what I want to do with my life. Oh and I've been told that I'm "too busy" for some of the people in my life and at times, I feel so distant from everyone...I keep telling myself that things will change and that I'll be truly happy with myself. Am I?! no... You know why? I haven't come to grips with my own reality. The sad part is that I don't even know what it is.

Don't tell me that I'm being hard on myself. Don't tell me that it's not true. Don't convince me that I have a purpose. Don't reassure me by telling me that "it's gonna be okay." Don't think that I'm not grateful for anything in 2001. It's just that maybe I took too many things for granted. Now the rotted fruits of my labor (lack there of), have been made obvious to me. I'm fully aware that I haven't been noticed for anything that I do, and I can care less. Just remind me that I exist.

WAKE UP MARK...YOU CAN'T TELL YOURSELF ALL OF THIS BS ANYMORE...Do something already...

Gail was bitten by the update bug too!

Poop read my blog about yesterday's mission and...well this speaks for itself...

poop: ur too cool
poop: i hate it
poop: lol
me: whhhhat?
me: please
poop: what?
poop: u are
poop: its... sickening... lol, be evil for once!
poop: lol
me: what?
me: hahaha...
me: i can be...
poop: sigh... thanks... its people like you who make me appreciate my friends
me: well theres nothing like the RC
poop: =)

**That made my night...thanks poopers.**

I can't even remember the last time that I walked out with more than 15%. I made enough to pay off everyone so I can save up the rest to have some fun. Selle's family came on over tonight at work and it was nice to meet all of them...=) Other than that, there was nothing really worth mentioning so I guess I'm heading off to bed...

I just came home from an interesting night...

After taking Ivy home, I spent a little bit of time talking to my Tita Yoli. Just a little chit-chat here and there and kinda trying to convince her that Ivy's doing a great job in Confirmation (which she is!) Ivy and I decided to catch up and do a little chit chatting of our own. Early on in our conversation, Adolfo calls out of the blue. For the record, he's not one to really call me. "Hey, I'm in a bit of trouble..." he said. I immediately asked what I can do to help him out and he explained the whole situation. It turns out that his car key broke and his spare was back in Glendale. "Dood, you can say no..." Who was I to say "no" to a stranded Adolfo? I was in no position to refuse. So, they weren't going to let me drive my ass to Daygo so they had me relay the key to someone else...who happened to live in Playa Del Rey. I hauled ass there and got lost a for sec but I was able to find the place and drop off the key. I assumed that they were asleep by the time I reported back to Adolfo. So I just left a message instead. Anyway, I'll fill in the blanks as soon as I get the rest of the story.

I don't know about you, but I'm pooped from all of that worrysome driving that I just did. I'm going to sleep in again today and I'm going call Adolfo and Jules up to see if everything went okay.

What are friends for? I'm sure someone out there would have busted a mission for me too...right?

I had no idea that the jacket that I had just purchased was more popular than breathing. Anyway, I thought that I'd try to blog to kill some time since, for some odd reason, I'm finding it pretty hard to mingle with the crowd. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with the crowd. I guess it's the vibe that I'm not really feeling. Nonetheless, I had a good time since I got here at Monica's house. It's nice to be able to just spend time and forget what's lurking beyond her front door. I had no idea that it was going to be such a big event. I really wanted to go since I didn't even have to go to work today. The new guy was more that happy to pick up my shift. Now that Kris, Gail, Tanya, & Herbs left, I'm finding it difficult to relate with the crowd here. It's obviously a different one, but certainly not a bad one. Am I just getting old or what? heh heh. Who knows...the only reason why I'm still here in the first place is because Ivy, my cousin is having a blast and I'm not one to be a KJ.

Mon, thanks for inviting me over. I'm sorry I was all spacy near the end though. It's not your fault. I'm thinking that the chess game drained me out. hahaha. Oh and Kris, happy birthday! I guess that should be it for now. I shouldn't even be tying up her phone line. Thanks again Mon...

Ahhh...I finally got that A&F track jacket tonight at the gal. I also got that pesky little LCD blue light fixed. Anyway, I'm on my way to being debt free and I'm pretty damn happy that I got that jacket I wanted. I have work tomorrow night and I'm hoping that I'm going to make enough to pay my phone bill. I'm sure I will. Okay, I'm about to go to Monica's house to have some fun. Oh, something quite the interesting happened while I scampered through the mall. We'll see if I decide to mention later. Until then, I'm off to see some SDYM people.

I cut off all of my hair......pics to come later. No more pretty boy hair =(

The layout bug finally bit kris in the ass... =P

I can't sleep and I'm having that uneasy feeling again. Those who know me best know that when I have these "intuitions", there's a probable chance that something is definately not right in my world. It's still irking me and I hope I'm wrong this time. It bothers me that I can't shake this tension inside. I hope you are all taking care out there.

[Thanks to the blogger team for fixing the problem.]

Christmas Day was something that won't be forgotten anytime soon. Everything that I received I was more than happy to receive. Although the best gift wrap in the envelope (if you catch my drift), I received some clothes that I can certainly use. At the end of the night, Selle, Aiyah, and I ended up going to watch Ocean's Eleven. If you haven't seen it yet...you better go.

I have some good news and bad news...

The good news is that I went clubbing for the first time in months. The reopening of Rewind totally drew a crowd. I'm not surpirsed that the typicals were there to celebrate the establishment. If it weren't for Nicole I wouldn't have known about it. I wonder if she was able to go. In any case, I had a great time and saw some old faces and some of those faces should have remained unseen. Anyway, I'm glad that I had the money to go out and actually shake my money maker.

The bad news...I found out that my Lolo is in the hospital again. My dad said that he contracted some sort of virus. That wasn't something that I wanted to hear when I was waken up this morning. It scared me that I had to wear a medical mask just to go and see him. It relieved me that he was in high spirits and talking to all of us. We joked that he was going to play mah jhongg again and take all of my uncles' money. hahaha =) Please keep my Lolo and my family in your prayers...and if I'm in a spaced out mood, let me be.

In other news, I decided to stay home the rest of the night. The rest of the family went to a dinner at their friends house.

Well, anyway...

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

More to blog later...until then, enjoy the company of your loved ones.

Okay, before I rant and rave about today. I want to let everyone know that there was a weird problem with blogger earlier. It seems that everyone's passwords for their blogs were changed. If it happened to you, email me and I'll let you know how to fix it. I went on the threads and I was able to solve the problem. I hope you other bloggers fixed the problem.

Whoa...it's...

CHRISTMAS EVE!

I thought I was going to blow a gasket today. Earlier, I wanted to post evil profanities to all of my customers for tipping me 10%. I'm not bitter anymore....really...I'm not. I went to church even though I was about 20 minutes late. It so happened that Aileen was attending the same mass. I was still pretty bitter about work but I just wanted to vent. I dragged her along with me to get the last collectible at Best Buy. Being the impulsive shopper that I am, I ended up buying myself something to make myself feel better. I was able to complete my *Nsync collection and get myself the Janet Jackson DVD. As we browsed, Ronnell gave me a ring and it turned out that he was as bored as we were. I didn't want to do anything too big since I had a long, cheap day at work. The three of us decided to make it a Blockbuster Night. So...we rented SHREK and I ended up buying Save the Last Dance. (Man, I've been giving my DVD player a workout!) We popped some popcorn and popped it into my computer and curled into the couch.

Save the Last Dance really wanted me to go out there and shake my ass in a club. When was the last time I went people? Now that the "typical" clubs are shot, now where do we go? Oh hey and Selle, we should seriously bust a Sara and Derrick at a club...=P

It occured to me that all the bullshit that I went through really just went away after seeing Aileen and Ronnell. It's kinda nice to just sit and relax. Nowadays, I'm lucky if I can take a nap in the middle of a long day. Anyway, I feel buttloads better after buying a couple of DVD's to forget my troubles. Well, I guess that means that I'm going to have to be a little more careful with the rest of my money. Keep me in check people.

In other news, Adolfo is finally getting rid of that cast. Now, he's not going to have Julie cut his food for him anymore...hahaha j/m. Oh...thanks Jay-R. I came home to a silver box that was meant for me. You really didn't have to. =)

After work, things started looking up Markeeee. I'm ready to get some sleep and maybe do something tomorrow. We'll see though. I have some favors to do, rooms to clean, and errands to run. But I think I'll munch on more cookies and stay online a bit longer.

I changed my guestbook again. I think this time the dreambook might be better than the last guestbook...SO SIGN IT ALREADY!

Ever been insanely dissapointed? Tonight was my night for that. Don't get me wrong, it had nothing to do with the people I was with. Not Another Teen Movie didn't tickle me at all. Okay, a few of the scenes were worthy of at least a chuckle, but I think I had more fun time realizing that my butt was numb in the middle of the movie. Anyway, all things considered, I think I had a good time. I'm not going to lie and say that I didn't feel third wheel at times. That's what I get for being single, huh? It was nice of Julie and Adolfo to try to avoid that. I'm sorry that it took forever for dinner to come. I'm sorry that the movie I seemingly insisted on wasn't the best choice. I'm not sorry about the fact that Julie and I got a little more personal. I'm glad that I was able to absorb your personality. You guys are seriously good company. Thanks so much for the goodie basket. I'll give those cookies a really good home =). It's always nice to be out with you guys. Maybe next time there'll be less drama...

I'm going to take Adolfo's advice and not stay up too late. I need to get some sleep anyway and I'm eagerly awaiting Gail's get together. It's so close to Christmas but what's weird is that I'm not really feeling it anymore. What happened? Eh, I'll let that thought marinate a little bit and maybe I can go in depth with that later. Until then, I'm off to my A&F jammies and hittin the hay. Oh, and Adolfo...A Jenny Jones and video game chill day doesn't sound too bad...That's what vacation is for right? Oh and Julie, have fun in Big Bear and I appreciate you going out even though you're leaving in less than 6 hours.

Okay, I'll shut up now. Until I wake up...whenever that is...

me: read my blog for a sec.............
poop: oooh...
poop: i was quiet when i got home
poop: whoops...
poop: i went ot sleep
poop: and just woke up
me: omigosh...your mom was like yellin at me...
me: that's what i figured might have happened
poop: hehe
poop: oooh...sorry
poop: what she say?
me: its ok...
me: i dunno
me: all i got was..."wrong number?! (cannot translate) wrong number?!?!?!"
poop: hehe
me: dammit poop...got me all worried...i even turned on my high beams on your street and driveway to see if your were dead..........
poop: haha
me: i called up kenny and he kept me sane
poop: :-(
poop: aw
poop: thats....nice
poop: ?
poop: hehe
poop: thanks
me: make more noise when you come home next time
me: hahahaha
me: see how much i care about you people?

with that said...I'm going to bed...

I'm back...I checked the whole street and his driveway. I don't know what's going on, but there wasn't anything unusual in poop's part of town. I wonder what was going on...Kenny's reassuring me that there was some sort of miscommunication. Eh...I hope it is.

Okay, my phone keeps getting calls from the Thi residence. Frankly, it's worrying me. I dropped him off right in front of his house...I swear I did. I'm getting out of here and I'm going to check out what the hell is going on.

Stephen's mom just called me...I think she was yelling at me in Chinese. Um...Stephen's been home for well over an hour now Mrs. Thi... -_-;

Call me weird. Call me odd. Call me stupid. I bought a slurpee in the pouring rain.Yes, that's right. I'm enjoying a Code Red Slurpee as I blog tonight. Anyway, I'm in a very good mood. After a night at Casa Bianca, we all trudged through the rain to my house. It's all in a nutshell in the previous blog.

I'm going to be in a really good mood tomorrow at work. I got to just let go and let God. I remember what it was like to just be stupid and forget everything that bothered me. This group really means a lot to me and I'm so glad that we had dinner together. I'm loving this holiday season! **sigh** I'm gonna ride this high until reality bites me in the ass.

[Selle, you left the video in my VCR...]

RC ROCKS!!!

It's funny how successful this whole plan was. I was able to see most of the RC tonight and they are still at my house just fooling around. I guess there's nothing to complain about now that they tore up my room...haha. The scene was horrible; beach balls and pillows everywhere! I'm glad that I helped plan this whole get together. It's a shame that not everyone was able to join us though. It was good to see old faces and just being the RC. Thanks Jhen for the "phone condom"...hee hee. I really appreciate the fact you got me something. We all reminiced with the Debut video and just hung out like old times. Right now we're all playing conentration, an old we all used to do to attract attention in public and frankly, it looks like that this game is gonna get me in trouble tomorrow too...heh heh. It's all good. Well, I really should go. More details and I'll change the currents when I get back. I gotta take some Royal people home. I'll be back soon...HANG TIGHT.

I didn't set my alarm last night so I didn't wake up to go to CSUN. But you know what? I don't care. The fact that I got to sleep in made me happy. It reminded me that I'm going to see some good friends tonight and just hang out at my house. I don't care if I don't have any money to spend with them...all I have is my time. I'm just going to make the most of the get together later tonight.

It seriously sucks to be broke. I have a Christmas dinner with the RC tomorrow night and I have no money. I am now, officially broke. I cannot touch the money in my accounts or there won't be anythig left. I'm pushing myself to go to campus tomorrow to take care of that stupid registration bullshit. I really need to get it together. I don't even know what happened to me over the past few days. All I need is to get everything done so I can just look out for number one...ME.

Well, confirmation is over for the year 2001. It wasn't exactly as I had visualized it. Only half of my students showed and I didn't even talk to any of them. Have I lost that connection with my students? Ugh, I feel as though I don't get the same respect from my group like I used to. Only two of my students bothered to say goodbye to me and wish me a Merry Christmas. Wow...now what? I'm grateful these two remembered me before they see me again in about 3 weeks. I guess I really need to work on that. We haven't really been on the same wavelength ever since the second year started.

Other things have been bothering me too. What does it take to stay original nowadays? I swear I'm going to have to really persevere; be so far ahead that people will be saying, "Shit, why didn't I think of that?!"

I'm not going to let little things get to me. The weight of the world hasn't crushed me yet. I'm not going to be overwhelmed by bullshit. I may be riddled with annoyances, but I know that I'm better than just to let people get to me...

I just got back from visiting Dave's place. It was weird getting to meet someone after reading their blogs. I mean, I read about this guy's insight and now I meet him...It was a trip. Anyway, if you haven't read him up lately...I think you should. Great guy and a hell of a cook...

It's off to bed for me. I'm not even sure I want to go to campus tomorrow.

First off, thanks to Dave for having me over, thanks for letting me poke through your stuff. It was nice meeting you.

I ended up getting my stuff for confirmation done early and was able to road trip with Aiyah. I'm glad she invited me over, I haven't had a thing to do all day, considering I didn't go to campus today like I was supposed to. I find out my fate for my Geology class tomorrow so I rationalized that I could kill 2 birds with one stone and find out my grade and bitch to the conselors in one trip.

Gash...I hate being broke. I feel like such a leech when people pay for me. I don't want them to do that. It's not that I don't appreciate it. Let's face it. I'm a weak taker. It's difficult for me to just let someone give me something. I'm usually the one paying for people and now the tables have turned. I'm broke and it's just weird to take from my friends. Is it karma coming back to me?

It's funny how theraputic it is to clean a room. I feel so much better about myself and damn my room looks so much cooler now. Anyway, I'm killing time before Marian comes over to work on some stuff for confirmation. Aiyah asked me to road trip with her tonight and I hope that I can go. Oh, and a good friend of mine is pregnant. Trippy, eh? I didn't know what to say. I mean, I was pretty mad but she was so happy about it. I let my anger subside and tried to be as supportive as I could. I told her that God sent her an angel. I just hope that everything turns out for the best. **sigh** so much is going on lately huh?

I woke up this morning wondering why the dog didn't bark her furry ass off. I took my sister to school this morning and I was surprised to notice that there was no puffy pomeranian high tailing me. I thought nothing of it and I resumed taking Geni to school. I hate having to take her to school. It's not the early hour that bugs me. It's the rushing parents dropping off the students. They piss me off. They cut me off and try to run me over just so they can drop off their spoiled little brats. (That's a whole other story all together...) I dropped her off and headed the long way home since the mad moms in minivans blocked me from trying to make a U turn. Usually, when anyone opens the door to enter the house, the dog starts yappin away. This time, I wasn't greeted with a doggie alarm. I called her out and she didn't respond. I immediately thought the worst and walked outside to see if she had run outside. It struck me odd that she was nowhere to be found and she didn't respond. I walked into Geni's room and checked one more time. I fixed her bed and my dog was there under the covers. It turns out that she didn't walk up to me because her legs were caught inside her dog sweater...Ugh...another reason why I don't like it when owners dress up their dogs...my mom I swear...

Dammit, I can't change my currents so I guess I'll do that later.

I GOT MY NEW COMPUTER TODAY!!!

I was supposed to head off to sleep, but I guess I was in the mood to blog.

I just had a long conference conversation with 2 of my best friends. It's good to know that I'm blessed with their friendships. I'm lucky to have friends like Aileen and Ronnell. I can't remember the last time I was on the phone that long with either one of them. For once, I wasn't "too busy for my friends." It was refreshing to know that even though we're going our own ways, we still manage to stay in contact. I've known Aileen for 6 years and Ronnell for 15 years. That only proves that time doesn't fade shit.

Christmas has really taken a toll on me...in a good way. Despite my depleted bank account, the satisfaction of getting presents for the ones that I love was well worth becoming broke. I never expect anything in return. That's just damn selfish. Anyone who knows me well enough knows that I try to be as selfless as I possibly can. I've also come to understand that I have to be a taker in order to be a good giver. Just their gratitude gives me a feeling that I never get, and that's all I really need in return. The holidays is the opportunity for me to express how much the people in my life mean to me. It's just unfortunate that I'm not able to give presents to everyone.

It doesn't really matter that I don't have that "special someone" to share the holidays with. I have the security of knowing that I have my friends and family. I think that it's safe to say that I've walking in my own winter wonderland for the past couple of weeks.

The new layout is growing on me...

2 more days until the new computer arrives!

Today was a pretty good day. Gail, you really can make a guy feel spoiled...hee hee. Thanks nonetheless. Oh and I didn't have to "pay" for that ice cream.

I updated just as I promised...

I think I should clean up the rest of my life now that I'm on vacation. The premiere was pretty premature, but I need something to do over the vacation so I figured that I should blog as I construct the other parts of the site. I lots of things that I want to put up here, but we'll see how forgiving my schedule is. I hope you like the new digs, it took me a while to get it up.

I've been couped up in this house all day. I'm not complaining. I'm still feeling a bit under the weather. It seriously sucks to be sick. Anyway, I'm trying to shake this virus so I can perform on Saturday. To pass the time, I'm just going to write up that AAS paper. I have no idea what I'm doing, but I gotta do what I gotta do.

I'm going to lay off the blog for today...at least try to. I need to get things done, so I'll blog ya later. =)

Ariel lent me this nifty computer =). I can actually get things done now that I have this loaner console. Thanks again Ariel and have a safe trip...we'll miss you.

I owe Ariel big time...I swear. All these things that he does for me, I feel so bad sometimes...

Whoa, It's been a while since I blogged.

Well, finals are over and there are a few interesting tales to tell. Actually, not all that interesting.

Last week I realized how "Asian" I was. I went to a friend's apartment and bluntly put, 2/3 of that household is NOT asian. By force of habit and culture (one would assume), I removed my shoes at the doorway and left them outside. "Um, what are you doing?" Melissa asked. "I'm Asian remember?" We both laughed. It's odd how people don't know that habits can come from our very own culture. It never occured to me that it would be odd for other people for me to leave my shoes outside as respect to their house. Don't get me wrong, there was no negativity in the air, but it certainly was a scene.

In other news, I've been full of it. It, being Christmas cheer. I've been done with Christmas shopping and I gave some of them out at the employee party last night. I forgot how good it felt to just be selfless. To know that maybe I made someone's day despite my feelings. I never expect anything in return, but I'm going to be a little more open-minded this year and graciously accept things if I so happen to receive something. My former youth minister once told me, "In order to be a good giver, you must learn to be a taker." In other words, be humble when good things are upon you and be be selfless when giving to others. Man....this gift giving stuff gets kind of addicting...haha =)

The new computer will be arriving on the 18th. I'll be updating very soon and I'll be able play online again. The update should be up by the first week of 2002. Until then, this might be the last blog until I get my new computer.

I'm going to head home as soon as I read the other blogs. After Thursday, I free to wallow in my own crapulence. =P Well, I'm working friday...hey Adolfo, do you and Julie want to hang out after work then? heh heh...