Happy 18th BIRTHDAY to Kris!

I wish you the best in life, love, family, and friends. You're a great friend and even better tennis player. ha. Thank you for everything. I'd like to go on and use cliches that everyone's heard before. Kris, just know that you are loved and appreciated. God bless you always.

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I finished cleaning my room now. It's totally clean and impressively tidy. ha! I needed it to be cleaned out so I can have positive energy flow. I've had a great year and I needed a clean slate so I cleaned up.

Everyone stay safe tonight and be sure to live it up. God bless!

So much to say...so little will power to do so.
it's that damn fork in the road...why can't my paths ever be straight...just straight?!
Marlene was able to sum it up for me....

I've had a lot on my mind but there was one thing that really wasn't making sense. There was so much I was thinking about and none of it concerned me. I think I finally realized that I have to look out for myself rather than trying to acheive what may never happen. Although my happiness waned a little bit, I think it was about time for me to just let things they way the are and hope things will fall into place. I've been happy for a while now, so why should I have to compromise that happiness over something that's not even in my control? Results don't happen off the bat. I think that if you have faith then things will make sense. I discovered that prayers are ALWAYS answered. It's not always a yes and it's not always a no. Sometimes it's not even the result I expected but it was the best possible outcome...

I was finally mature enough to put MY own foot down. I admit I'm doubting myself a little but I think that I'll be a better person and a better friend for it.

I can't really explain where all of this is coming from. I don't have the time to tell you. Just know that my life has dramatically changed this year. I've grown up for the better and really made a difference with the relationships around me. I can actually say that I'm happy...the happiest year I've lived so far.

I got what I wanted for Christmas this year...none of it was material. (Okay, the DVD player was nice...) I received what I've asked for. Peace. Love. Happiness. Friends. Health. Family.

I love you Gail and I hope that you have found the comfort you're looking for. I haven't really found mine...yet.

and Ivy...I admire your strength and perserverance. I'm glad that you still have time for Confirmation. If it wasn't for that I don't think that we'd ever be this close. Continue to grow in your faith in yourself and in God. Only good things will come out of it. Kuya loves you a lot.

I really need to change that window, huh?

I fell into a gap and Mr. Urban took my money away.

bad Mark...bad, bad Mark.

The people in Glendale can be ROYALLY fucked up in the head.

Three Armenian guys come in and eat on my table. They weren't bad customers either. I mean they were pretty cool and I would like to think that I gave them pretty good service. As I went to go get their check they decide to run out on it. By the time I get back to the table they were long gone. I wasn't gone for more than 40 seconds. About 20 minutes later, I they're outside pointing at me and mocking me. Those stupid fuckers made eye contact with me and started dancing around laughing. They parked right next to the building. The manager wasn't happy with me last night. Just knowing these dumb shits are going to get what they deserve later, makes me sleep better at night. What would possess a person to walk out on the bill and THEN mock the server they fucked over. I'm telling you...the people in Glendale are very disturbed.

Can't sleep...

Can't think...or maybe thinking too much...

Tennis in 6 hours...Kris is going to kick my ass.

My free night has been reduced to me eating popcorn in front of a TV that's not even cable ready.

great...

Okay, with all that crap said yesterday, let's get down to business.

What did Mark get for Christmas this year?! (cue the cheesy game show music)

1. $105 cash
2. Aeropostale Turtleneck & 2 Lilo & Stitch Lithographs - Sim & Lei
3. Sony DVD Player - Mom & Dad
4. Stitch Bubble Blower - Ned
5. Santa Helper Stitch - Kris
6. Janet Jackson 2003 Calendar & Gap Scarf - Jason
7. "The Gospel According to the Simpsons" & Simpsons 1st Season DVD set - Gail
8. 2002 Stitch Ornament & Gap Scarf and Boxers - Ivy
9. UCLA Beanie - Jay-R
10. Shirt from Hot Topic - Darlene
11. Hurley Shirt - Mike

Thank you to EVERYONE...I had a really great Christmas this year. This is just the stuff that comes to mind at the moment...heh.

I didn't want to have to start Christmas like this, but I felt the need to say something...

It irks me to know that there are people out there who judge people by the mistakes one makes. Obviously everyone has flaws, but the fact that someone else picks at them, makes a person feel insecure. People often agree on what they have seen about someone while never really getting to know the person. Mindless sheep...they can't even think for themselves so they speak and think for others.

People can be so narrow-minded when it comes to viewing people. It's even worse when one thinks he/she has the right to tag others with inapproriate terms merely because they heard it from a not-so-dependable source. Judging people has nothing to do with maturity. It's all about selfishness. It's selfish to assume that someone is subordinate to yourself...the only reason one would think so lowly of another is boost their already failing ego. People can be so consumed in other people's business and really forgets who they are.

I know better than to pick the wounds and flaws of others...It's difficult enough for me to face my own flaws. I have no right to meddle in someone else's life in that manner. No one does. Why not accept the fact that people make mistakes and they can hurt people too?

Everyone makes mistakes. Most mistakes have to occur multiple times just so one can learn from it.

Don't tell her to open her eyes...close yours and reflect on yourself first. Not being able to recognize & embrace their own flaws is the biggest imperfection one can have.

Everyday is so wonderful, then suddenly,
It's hard to breathe
Now and then, I get insecure from all the pain
I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down, oh no
So, don't you bring me down today

To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness, the pieces gone,
Left the puzzle undone, is that the way it is?

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down, oh no
'Cause you are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down, oh no
So, don't you bring me down today

No matter what we do
No matter what we say
We're the song inside the tune
Full of beautiful mistakes
And everywhere we go,
The sun will always shine
And tomorrow we might
Awake on the other side

'Cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down, no no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down, oh no
So, don't you bring me down today

Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today


Beautiful by Christina Aguilera...My song for the month of December.

Work was awesome...

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. OoOoOOh exciting =)

Thanks for a good time Gail! I know I said I wasn't going to drink too much...but whoops! hahaha I had a great time. Thank you so much. I hope you like the new picture of your new brother. hahaha. The holidays are awesome. Thanks for letting us use your house. hee.hee. I'm off to bed I will be getting my car back soon!!! yay me. More to blog later.


GOOOOOOOOOOD NIGHT!

Yay...more CSUN friends! Go Marvie!

Randomness prevails once again. Glenn, Ned and I were supposed to run a muck last night but plans fell through. Then again, I'm kinda glad that we didn't go out (no offense, guys. ha.). Selley called me so I thought that it would be a good idea to see her. Long story short...Vic, Martin, Selley, and ! ended up eating out and having a great time at Denny's. We even went out to have som slurpees. Obviously, the weather wasn't suitable for such a snack, but at least they didn't melt. I'm really glad I was able to spend some time with a few of my RC friends. Our jokes are so inside that other people would just think we're crazy.

I'm looking forward to the rest of the day and night. I woke up early and my parents want to eat out for lunch and tonight there's a little holiday shindig.

Christmas is around the corner. I can't wait. *doing a happy dance*

I'm surprised I have so much energy...I'm surprised I even woke up early on a Sunday!

At Gail's request, I changed the color of my wishlist & shopping progress window.

A bunch of my friends keep telling me that I have an ass...a cute ass. *long pause* I suppose that's a good thing. One even said, "Shiiiiiet, if you got it flaunt it." I'm an ass kinda guy myself...heh. I have no idea why I'm telling you all this but I felt the need to share.

I really wanted to do something fun last night. I couldn't call Kris, he was at a formal. I couldn't call Gail, she was with her girls. I couldn't call Ned, he was out clubbing. I couldn't get a hold of a lot of people, but some of my friends at work wanted to hang. So, I went out with a few co-workers last night. Nothing big...we just hung out at Kamila's friggin mansion and chilled and laughed the night away. It was a totally nice vibe. It wasn't anything big but it was the fun I needed with them. I really had a good time.

Seeing Aiyah really made my day. Today was probably my only REAL day off. I had NO obligations tonight...I didn't even go to Millenium. heh. Anyway, Aiyah couldn't have called at a better time. I had no plans tonight so we hung out and talked like old times. I really missed her. I love you so MUCH! Call me when you're back into town.

I'd like to blog more but it's so friggin cold! I'm going to have something to eat and plop into my warm, dry bed.

Gail, you're right...Christmas Eve is the perfect time to give gifts. ; )

If you want it...come and get it.

I really love my parents but I'm not too sure if I'm even being a good son to them sometimes. I don't feel that I'm doing enough. I've been noticing lately that I have some personal issues with my dad. I love him to death but I feel like he pushes me away. I can't say that I don't push him away sometimes. I feel like I'm only good when he needs something from me. We never really talk since he's working all the time and I'm always out and about. I hate it when he assumes things about me. He says I mess things up because I rush. He doesn't know that. I don't rush all the time. He thinks I'm the one who overreacts but he's the one blowing everything out of proportion. I hate it when he tells me to control myself when I'm just explaining things to him. I tend to distance myself from him since our conversations tend to go towards him thinking that I'm mad at him...or vice versa. I don't know what to think, but I give him his space when he needs it but I can't help but feel that I did something for him to be this way. It's possible I'm just overanalyzing the whole deal. You can't spell analyze without anal...yup, that's me. For some reason I've been feeling a lot closer to my mom. I'm not too sure what's going on but it doesn't change the fact that I love them both so much, but right now it just doesn't feel that way.

I shouldn't have had that Pepsi at Tommy's...

I actually used the internet to get some information for my own self-enrichment. ha. I was looking through the net for some photography tips. I'm not too sure why I've been so interested in taking pictures. I also want to have some people actually be my subjects...just to practice. I even got some great ideas for poses and learned a few basics & principles. I pushed myself to find all of my digital camera crap. Again, I don't know where this drive is coming from.

Well, in other news, the Islands Christmas party was something that's not really worth talking about. Sheesh...don't even get me started.

Oh, I updated my Xmas progress once again...well, for those who care.

I'm connected to the internet and I've been on my "edit your blog" page forever. I don't do anything online anymore. ha. I'm such a loser. Oh well, at least the Simpsons are on. MMmMmMmmMMM... television.

A friend of mine complimented me the other day. She told me that I'm a gentleman...unlike most guys. No one ever tells me that. I guess I'm just like that. I never really thought about it but its not like I like to make people's lives miserable. I know I fuck around a lot but when push comes to shove I try to be as nice as I can to people. You reap what you sow, right? She really made me think about how little things really matter...Thanks for the compliment Tiff.

The weather is just horrible. I hope the rain stops. I'd hate to drive that boat in the rain.

I ended up staying home...again. Who am I to think that people would call me back to go out? I should be used to this by now. Every time I want to go out, no one seems to be interested enough to call me up. I think I'm just going to enjoy this PB & J sandwich...maybe he'll be my friend.

Stupid work cut my hours...

So now, I'm stuck at home while everyone else is having fun. CRAPPER...Someone save me. I've been home since 10.

You know the weirdest feeling?

I hate thinking about someone and you know that they probably don't give a flying fuck about you. I felt a little dissed earier tonight and I had to say something...somewhere.

I can't say what exactly is making me feel that way...because I have no idea. It shouldn't really bother me. I'm bored and alone. Great. Best feeling ever.

There's nothing to worry about my weary readers. I will just get some rest and start off a new day. Today wasn't too bad, after all, I was able to buy stuff for myeslf today. I deserve it don't I? Maybe this weird thought will be dead by morning...

People suck...they're "busy." I'm bored...blah. Won't anyone save me from my monotony?

For those who are actually keeping track, I updated my Christmas progress. I'm just floating along. I only have 3 gifts left.

Oh yeah, I bought a $150 long jacket for $30 from Banana Republic...yay me!

Which Element Represents You?
created by kefkafanatic @ mental insanity

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY BOBBY!!!

Actually, it was last night...

A group of us went to Islands to celebrate after our planning meeting. Yeah, I know it was the second night in a row but hey it was his birthday...

Bobby, It's been a while since we met and we really didn't have too good of a start. But after a period of maturing (on both sides) we became good friends. I'm so glad that Monica told you how I felt about our situation. Even though it was in the past, you still came up to me and we had a heart to heart about it. I'll never forget that talk we had at Gail's house over some Coronas. heh heh. Bobby, you're one selfless guy. I guess you can say I grew with you but you've done so much for yourself and even affected so many lives. Thank you for everything. I know that we don't get the chance to hang out a lot but I know that we're still really close. I can trust you with my life.

FINALS ARE OVER!

A few years ago I prayed to be content with my life. I got much more than I deserve from God.

I was thinking a lot last night. It's not that I've been taking my friends for granted, but I just remembered how lucky I am to have them. My friends from ER, SDYM, Islands...from where ever. These past few days, I've been able to lean on them, confide in them, and just plain talk to them. Both new friends and old have really pulled me out of a rut. I am so thankful for each one. They understand me like no one could. They listen to me even if they're sick of hearing it. They laugh at my jokes even when they suck. I feel embraced and accepted by all of them. I feel like I belong...

I said that it was going to be a good and different Christmas. I was right. It's TOTALLY different now; a good different.

Wow, 2 more weeks till Christmas. Time for me to head out...this house is getting way too boring for me.

Which Peanuts Character Are You Quiz

SNOOPY! My favorite...
"Off to bed" said the boy who makes people choke on food.

There are times where my roots are so far below me that I cannot reach them.

These past couple of days I was able to chat with some old friends. When winter break is in full effect that's our chance to catch up. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy the SDYM-ers' company but I need to see my old high school buds again. Despite our different paths we try to keep in touch.

In other news, Millenium was pretty intense and Nelly and I had some fun tonight.

Hmmm, I think I should deposit my paycheck and spend...It's time to stimulate the economy and my wardrobe. heh.

RANDOM things are always the best. I finally got to spend some time with Kris and I can't say that it wasn't enlightening. heh.

I don't even know if I can go to Millenium tonight. I don't really have a ride tonight and I don't even want to be home. Eo, isn't able to pick me up and I'd hate to ask him to go all the way back from Hollywood just to pick my ass up. Nelly can't go because of her finals. Ned and Glenn aren't picking up their phone. I don't even know if I am able to go see Ron. Damn...I totally need to get out of here. Thanks Nelly...

Kris we need to play some tennis...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RONNELL!

It's still a trip to me. I can't believe we met about 15 years ago. Despite all of the ups and downs we're still good friends. I thank God that we've been friends this long. I hope that this day reminds you how important you are to so many people...especially me. You better call me when you get back from school. We have a lot to catch up on.

Oh yeah...I fell down the stairs earlier today. o_O;

Good karma continues to flow...

Let me tell you...I was right about the weekend. I knew that after relaxing and having a little fun, I would get back on track. Gail called me after her final and wanted a kasama as usual. hee hee. Our conversations are always great. I love her. =)

I'm going to study but I need to clear my head. My thoughts are still racing after tonight's stimulating conversations.

I owe Ned big time. He really gave me a slap in the face to get my act together. It's been too long. A week of moping isn't really constructive.

I am SOOO close to finishing my Christmas shopping

It's funny how sometimes when you don't get what you want, it's better than what you wanted to begin with.

I can't really explain it but I can tell you that life just got a little easier and brighter. Just being listened to was all I needed. I could have easily talked to anyone else about it but Ned really pulled through. I think I'm ready to take on my finals next week and have some fun after raping each one. Things are finally turning around for me. I always find friends whenever I'm not looking.

Thanks Ned, I think I really needed that reality check. It was fun and enlightening to finally talk to you for once.

A new day.

I had to work a double shift last night. Janet was leaving for NY last friday and it sucks that I haven't covered her shifts lately. So, I decided to help her out. Being at work for 2 shifts wasn't exactly fun, but it was something I had to do. The tips weren't worth it since people were being stingy all day. Sorry Lei. I'm sure the party was super fun. But you and Si know my crappy weekend schedule. =(

I couldn't sleep so I finished cleaning my room & bathroom. For some reason it was pretty theraputic. heh. I went to sleep feeling in control...at 3:30 this morning. The sun was shining bright and inviting me to wake up and start the day. I feel better. The world wants me today. My inner child was grounded for a bit but I think it's time to play today. I need to stay positive and continue to make the most of everything.

I need to go to church today. Not only to sing at choir, but to ask for more strength and patience...and of course to thank God for what I have now even though I've been through an emotional roller coaster this past week.

Yes, Glenn...I've made it through the rain...hahaha

My good luck continues...I got 10% tips all night. I was supposed to walk out with $90 but nope...I walked with a meager $60.

One table really pushed my buttons. Don't ever fuck with a server. They can do quite a bit of damage without actually getting themselves in trouble. (This gets really ugly)

me: "Hey I'll go ahead and getcha started with some drinks..."
the girls give me their drink order
me: "Cool...I'll be back in just a sec with your drinks."
leader bitch: "why?!"
me: "So you can decide what to order. I'll just be a sec."
leader bitch: 'Hurry up then."
brain: "WTF?! Bitch."
five minutes later I bring their drinks
me: "Are you guys all set to order?"
leader bitch: "Uh, No..."
I return 3 minutes later
bitch #2: "We haven't even looked at the menu."
the menus were laid out the whole time.
I return 3 minutes later.
me: "All set?"
still not ready
me: "I'll be back in a bit."
leader bitch: "No don't go. It's not like you have anything better to do."
brain: "fuck you."
me: "I have other tables to take care of."
I leave for another 10 minutes. I finally get their order when I come back.
brain:: "stupid ass customers..."
I decided to wait 15 minutes before putting their order in. They got their food about 30 minutes after they acutally ordered. I took my time.
all 3 bitches: That took forever! How hard is it to make a Chicken Caesar and Cheddar Fries?!"
I refilled each of their drink once

They left me a dollar tip. I've never felt so good! I've never been treated like that before. So if you ever go to a restaurant, treat your server right and you'll have a pleasant meal. Simple, isn't it?

I can fuck up your night. I can fuck up your food. I can delay your food as long as I can. So don't even think I'm not human just because I'm serving your sorry ass some food.

Work was rough. Tips were surprisingly good.

I can't really say that I feel better. I can't say that I felt the same way I did 10 hours ago. I'm taking it one step at a time. It was obvious to my co-workers that I was a bit bothered by something.

I'm just going to continue what I'm doing. I'm just going to pray, shut up and keep on truckin. People are telling me to get over it but you know what? I have to complain and vent about it so it leaves my system. I want to say that tomorrow will be better, but we don't know that. I can just hope...heh.

Tomorrow will be a long day.

Okay, I'm officially bothered. All these little fuck-ups (that aren't my fault) are really getting on my nerves. It's kind of difficult to make the most of everything when everything is just pissing me off. I've completely lost it.

Don't call me about this. Don't offer me advice. Don't try to talk to me about it. Don't even mention the fact that I'm not happy. I don't need anyone reminding me that my life is pretty fucked up right now. I need to recollect myself and I'm having a hard time doing that right now. Let me do it myself. I know what I'm doing. If I need someone I'll let you know. In the meantime. Let me sulk and try to fix things. If I'm around...just humor me.

Maybe I'll be better later. Maybe I'll better tomorrow...or even next week. Just leave me alone about my problems. I'll be fine. I just have a lot on my mind...

If it weren't the holidays, I'd be in worse mood...

At the last minute, I decided not to go to Millenium. I don't know what it was that stopped me from going. I wasn't really in a good mood either. Once I was home I stayed home.

I ended up cleaning my room. Not just cleaning it but really getting all the crap out. There's so much to to finish that I'm still not done. Upon deciding to really clean out my room I found my wallet. Now I can drive legally.

I woke up to a bright sun this morning. I have nothing to look forward to today. I just want to get to work and just start gathering my good karma.

My brother has the coolest job ever!

Let go and let God...okay. Now that He has it. All I can do is sit back, pray and hope for the best possible outcome.

I'm done with my RS 150 paper but I don't think I'll get too much for it. haha. Who cares? It's done and there's nothing I can do about it. Now that I turned in my AAS 350 papers this morning and finished my RS 150 paper. I feel a little better...a little lighter. I prayed in the car all the way here. I prayed in the car on the way to school and the funny thing is when I was finished the lyrics that I heard made me feel a little better. Seven more days to go.

God sends His love...everything will be alright.

I can't believe my wallet just vanished =\

Almost done...........

Well, it's about 8:00am right now and I've been in school for about an hour! I had to see a professor to turn in some requirements for my class. I had to see her at 7:15 this morning. If you don't already know, it's a 30 minute drive to school. Yep I got up early...do the math folks.

I plan on going out after school today to try to improve my mood...this time I need a little bit of Mark and Ned time. I don't know what to think. My world is falling off it's axis but I just got to hang in there. I have so much on my mind...

And about last night, I can't say that I didn't appreciate the company. I guess I wasn't really into the whole vibe last night. Well I just got to put the finishing touches on this paper. As odd as this sounds...Just because I procrastinate doesn't mean I don't know how to budget my time.

School's really getting to me. The fact that my world is giving me grief just makes my life even harder.

Gail and I were the only ones who went to LC tonight. Oddly enough, Ned & Glenn passed by so we asked them to join. I'd like to say I had fun tonight but since I was dwelling on my own shit, I didn't really take advantage of the company. After tomorrow, I think I'll be in better spirits. It's not so much the finals that are getting to me. It's all of the little things that are due. Oh, and all the crap that's been happening isn't really making my life easier either.

I think I should just keep doing this work. blah.

So much on my mind...such a feeble mind at that.

Maybe cleaning my room would give me a sense of control...blah.

I should stop crying inside...I might start to mildew. yuck. soggy mark.

Ay...finals makes life crappy. It sucks that after a "fairytale" weekend, the weight of the world has to crush me. Blah. My car is wrecked! I lost my notes for my final I just had. I might get an incomplete in a class I've actually been actively participating in. Millenium was fun but it didn't really improve my mood too much. Glenn, Ned and I were bored again so we hung out and DL-ed some music videos. Mariah's Through the Rain video is like whoa...and Caroline I DL-ed Cry Me a River when you mentioned it and it was bomb!

*Sigh*

The only way now is up. So, I just got to get through the rest of the semester. Winter break is on the horizon...a whole month of NOTHING!

On the upside...I got my Lilo and Stitch DVD!

Dammit...the karma gods are toying with me again.

I know it might've been weird that I didn't talk about Lei's and my bro's wedding. Out of respect to them I didn't talk about it on this blog. I know that they didn't too many people to know. Now that the secret's out...hee hee. I'm so glad that they have each other. Lei, if you're reading this...there was so much I wanted to tell you at the wedding. You looked so radiant and I'll never forget Simon's reaction when you were given away. I know that things between us weren't always lollipops and ice cream, but I think now things will only get better. I can't wait to be a Godfather...thank you for that honor. I honestly don't feel that I did much for your ceremony and I feel obligated to make it up to the two of you. May God bless you and your family. Now we don't have to pretend that we're brother and sister...

It was a REALLY nice ceremony and one heck of a reception!

Man...I'm so glad they replay Everwood on Sundays. This thanksgiving episode was really good. =*)

Crap... the dog pissed on the bathroom rug. My mom is gonna be pissed...

Eo makes another appearance. I swear I'd love to be in a music video once...


Avril Lavigne - I'm With You

In other news, a lot went on today. My bro and Lei got married today and man it was a great ceremony and reception! I hope that God continues to bless the two of you. Right after the reception we had to run over to Audrey's debut. That was ONE swanky set up. She really raised the bar. Happy 18th Birthday to the girl across the street. =)

As you can probably figure out, I'm pretty burned. There was a lot going on today and it was all one big celebration. Time for bed and a day off with a study group. BLAH...I hate school. Finals are coming up and I have lots to finish.