Kids...What Do They Know?

Sim and Lei continue to inspire me. I'm glad to know that this world is place worth living in. When I read this, it only reaffirmed the fact that it doesn't matter how old you are or who thinks you're not ready. It only matters most when you love your kid with all your heart. Great parents create great children that create a big difference in the world.

normally don't blog about my family life on myspace.

but i really think this should be written.

i have work later today, and i really need to go to sleep, but both scott and i are pretty antsy. to remedy this, we went to the park. Scott Aidan ran his usually routine all over the park and eventually made a friend. the little boy he made friends with in mid park session pushed him down and then threw sand at my scott aidan. i was afraid scott would push him back and at the same time i was upset with that little kid. instead, scott aidan walked away and said, "you are not very nice." scott didn't cry. but scott sure as hell looked angry. i thought he was going to run towards me, but instead he amused himself with slides & swings.

they eventually resolved their differences and started playing again. for scott to be able to do that and be the better person and not retalliate makes me really proud. in this mean and unfair world of ours, it makes me see that i'm raising a boy who will one day be a man who minds his manners, says please and thank yous, and can place himself in any given situation. we can turn it into a world where the nice guys don't have to finish last. it makes me feel that i've done something good in this world.

success isn't in your accolades, your titles, the house you own, the mortgage you pay, the salary you get, the college you attend and brag about, the trips to New York or Paris: success is in the good company you keep and the character you create in yourself and others.

If that didn't make you smile...you just don't understand.

Bullseye

DAMN YOU TARGET!



I went out for a little break and I came up with some goodies. I also did that freaking survey, but since the girl was so nice and she was new, I thought it would be cool for her to get something out of it too. ha.

Okay, I'm gonna watch some Runway while I clean.

woot.

Don't ever go 28 1/2 hours without a wink of sleep.

I'm going to bed.

Vosovic is Vosocool



I was here and Mr. Vosovic has a blog there. Being a big nerdy fan I had to read it and leave a comment.

Wouldn't it be cool if we were friends?!

Gah. I'm lame.

Are you effin serious?

The REAL Gay Agenda

I never really liked the politics that lurk in the gay world. Well, to be honest...just a specific idea. Gay people are just as diverse as any culture, right? So why are most of us so fixated on physical appearance? I'll be the first to admit that I'm attracted to a nice long and lean body, chiseled abs, plump ass, full lips with a pleasant face and flawless smile; perfection. Inside it really doesn't make too much of a difference you know? But gotdamn it's real nice to look at. (But not always fun to talk to. ha.)

I was playing with my new video chat with a close friend and he jokingly pointed out that I was a little (for lack of a better term) "thick." Yeah, I was kind of sad about that. Naturally I became very self-conscious about my appearance. I've always wanted that lean body. (which, for the record, I had once...haha.) I felt so much better about myself and carried my attitude so differently.

I hate the feeling that I'm not attractive. Sure, there are times where I would be proven otherwise, but let's face it. I'm in shape...the ROUND kind. Lately, I haven't been feeling so hot. I haven't been feeling comfortable in my own pale skin. I want to look in the mirror or plate glass window and actually have something positive in my head.

Maybe this is a sign I should step up and really follow through with self-improvement. I'm always working on my mental and emotional improvement...so maybe I should turn some attention to some physical improvement.

I want to be the one who turns a head for a change. gah.

iHappy


Yeah, I purchased my first iTunes card and I fucked up my first purchase. Gahd, don't ask.

Today, I ended up getting Cars, Acoustic Soul - India.Arie, Invader Zim (Episode 1), Project Runway crap, and the pilot of Kyle XY. Hmph, so I decided to acquire music in a "different" way. ha.

I'm in love with India.Arie again. I can't wait for her new album coming on Tuesday.

Yay.

Woot.

You're right Emjay. I miss him a lot because I love him a lot.

Come home safe.

I own it.

I am happy.

I am mobile.

I am broke.

MarkBook Pro - Ownership Pending




Come Father's Day, I'll be a daddy of another kind.

wheeee!

Customers

I hate customers. I hate how most of them think I owe THEM something in life. FUCK everyone who shopped in my store today. So many people chipped away at my patience. Drama at work? We're not a reality show, people. I'll never disclose anything about my life from now on.

I am one pissed off motherfucker.

*flips the bird*

Dear Dear Diary...

Dear Self,

I have recently discovered different facets of my already complicated being. I'm not really sure if my discoveries are beneficial or otherwise, but I just thought that blogging them would be kinda of...well...theraputic?

I found out that my darker side of me is more apparent than I thought. I want to say maybe it's because I have learned to assert myself a little more but, I had no idea that I have used my selfishness as my own entertainment...torture. Knowing I have someone wrapped around my finger entertains me. Knowing my small negative actions can adversely affect another entertains me. Why? Karma. That's why. How can one expect to be nice to you if they were anything but? I'm such a bitch sometimes and I love it. I'll own the part if I feel it's necessary. Yeah, I'm a nice guy unless you provke me.

How did I learn that? Well, let's just say I was about to pick a fight with someone that might have been able to beat me down, but I wasn't intimidated at all. In fact, it was the other way around. Eyes can burn. ha.

Ever since I came out, I've always wanted to know what it would feel like to be able to get any guy I could possibly want. I wanted to know that even though I had a distorted self-image, my reflection would be considered attractive or, dare I say it, sexy. I could safely say that at this point in my life, I now know that feeling. If I were single, I could toy with men or keep them as I please. I've been shamelessly complimented without trying to draw attention to myself. I could control a target with a little manipulation, cuteness, or even a little alcohol (haha). With this realization came another notion of self. This newfound "power" is really useless. Sure, I could have the nice body, fat wallet, nice car kind of guy. But, where would that get me? I soon realized that a first impression doesn't dictate the person completely. Would another be able to invest and afford me emotionally, spiritually, physically or even monetary-wise? It's not likely. Would I take stock in someone who wouldn't genuinely care for me...or not love me? Of course not.

With this idea I learned once you have a good thing going; encourage the momentum. With an action as simple as presenting me with a rose...my momentum pushed on. Whether it be a laugh, smile, request, conversation, gift, or gesture, the message was always the same. "I love you. Even though I didn't say it out loud."

I've realized that I love my family (and friends) more than I have before. I guess it's true that you can only understand someone better once they're gone. My cousin has left the country in pursuit of self discovery. A good friend has left a life she thought she knew in order to attain true happiness and understanding. There's never really a good "bye."

The last idea that popped in my head is that I am a creative, attractive, loveable, flawed person. I want to finish school. I want to be able to look back and say that I worked for what I have. I earned my place in life. I worked with what was given to me and I shared my bounty.

I also remembered that a blog is not only for talking about what you did today. Most of the time no one cares what your actions were during the week. They care if you're alive being who you are. It's about what you feel and think...not always about what you do.

So self, I think I should accept who I am and own my name and role in life. I can think of a select few who has done that for me before I did.

Never forget who you are and who helped you realize it.

With Love and Respect,
Self

Someone Should Be Fired For This Boner