I really miss you too! You're right...3 more weeks.

Oh and Kris...I GOT IT at Northridge. There were only 2 of the small ones left.

It's always nice to know that some people actually care about your thoughts. Although, I'm not really writing for anyone in particular, it's nice to know that I have a little ray of hope from my friends.

I talked to one of my best friends earlier tonight. I realized two things:

1. I haven't talked to her in a long time...then again it's always nice to hear from her when we do talk. Coffee?
2. I'm not alone in anything.

It's always helpful and encouraging to know that I'm not alone. Sometimes I forget that my friends are human too...

There must be some beauty in all of my imperfections.

I found a dollar... =)

I should be honest with myself. I haven't been blogging in a while for a reason. I've been kicking myself in the ass telling myself to get with the program and catch up with some of my classes. I'm very behind in two of my classes. I'd consider myself fortunate to even pass these classes. Anyway, I've been lacking the motivation to even get up in the morning. It has nothing to do with any personal issues. In fact, there aren't any. The fact is that I chose to put myself in this hole. Every morning I hate myself (school-wise) even more.

I came to school late today and I wanted to finish up my paper. It turns out that I brought the wrong disk and I don't even have the folder to go with it. I guess I'm going to have to finish the paper when I get home. I can't show up to my class witout the paper so I'm basically wasting my day here in the library. The only class that I will be able to go to is my Math class...which so happens to be my last class for the day.

My mom noticed that I wasn't really taking school too seriously at the moment. I felt kind of offended when she said something to me but then I thought about what she said. I realized that I'm putting myself through a lot. All I really need is some motivation to get to school. I'm so wreckless...all school really needs is a little bit of daily maintenance to avoid being overwhelmed by it. I wasn't able to do that right. Now where am I?

All I'm doing now is praying for myself. In fact, I pity myself. I always swear to myself that I'm not going to continue this pattern of behavior. I really ought to stop...

Someone is seriously testing my patience.

I got up at about 10 this morning to go to an optometrist appointment. The first thing was that off center was the fact that my parents gave me bummed directions. So I ended up driving an extra 30 minutes or so. I finally get to the office and it was exactly what I had expected it to be. After that, I get home and it takes forever getting back since people decide to drive badly and the traffic made the trip longer. I tried to call my mom and no one answered. I eventually get home and discover that no one is home and there's nothing for lunch either. I decided to get some eats at Tommy's. I get in line and I was nice enough to let someone go in front of me. This guy didn't even have the decency to tell me he was going to order 11 combos. So I wait for this guy to do his thing and I finally order. I get my order for dine-in instead of to go. It takes them another 5 minutes to realize that I'm still waiting for my food. On the way home I notice there's a community event and all of the streets are congested. It takes me almost 15 minutes to get home and the drive is normally 5. I had to detour my ass here and there just to work around the event. I get home and right when I pull into the driveway, my mom FINALLY calls and claims that I didn't call her back. She told me that they were at my uncle's house and there was a lot of food there. I ended up eating and the ketchup squirts all over my sleeve while the knife falls on my foot.

The weird thing is I'm not angry about it....I actually find all of this kind of humorous...

You know who I REALLY miss?

you...

I'm not one to talk shit, but honestly, isn't it great to have an ego boost once in a while? Actually, it wasn't really talking shit...more like stating the obvious. heh. Well, I just got back from a little ISLANDS shindig just now. What? Me? Drunk? Nope. Anyway, I couldn't help but groove with the music and have some (sober) fun. The funny thing what that I was groovin' right in front of some guy who thought that he was the shit on the floor. Oh, and for the record, his girlfriend couldn't shake ass, even if she had one. Anyway, I had no intention of showing up anyone. I guess he felt dumb since everyone was paying attention to my dancing. heh. So one of my co-workers yells..."Are you a raver?" I responded by doing a few mediocre moves, and out of no where..."Let's battle!" I looked at him and simply rolled my eyes. He didn't step out on the floor to even try to show me up. I'm not saying that I'm an awesome ass-shaker...

For the most part, I had fun. I was able to spend some time with some of my co-workers. I don't normally spend time with any of them outside of work. I know that they're not my crowd or whatever, but hey... They're good people.

Oh and another thing...why would someone want to tell me that they're...well...never mind. I guess that's a whole other story.

Alfred, Rockie, Louis, Jimmy, Denise, Elisa
Cynthia, Tracy, Me

I finally found the time to just reflect on the past weekend...

I learned how fortunate I really was. I love my God, my family, my friends, my group, and most importantly, myself. I haven't been able to say that in a long time. I realized that I can make a difference. I asked the students to spread their spirit; witness the spirit to everyone around you. The one flame that lit us all. We all have a reason to be here. There's a niche in this life for all of us. I'll admit I have no direction when it comes to my own life, but I love where I'm at. I really have nothing to worry about. God is with me and I have no reason to fear anything. 'The Lord is my light and my salvation, so whom should I be afraid of?"

The thing that you do may not mean anything to the world, but it means the world to the person that you help.

Just seeing my students proudly walk down the aisle overwhelmed me with emotion. They assured me that I guided them. They assured me that I was there for them when they needed it. They made it clear that we were a family. They reminded me why I love to serve other people.

I was humbled this past weekend. I always made it a point to serve others. I really don't expect anything in return. I never really thought that everyone remembered what I did. One of my good friends still remembered the first day he came into choir. He told everyone that he wouldn't be there if i didn't make him feel welcome. Another called me his kuya. It wasn't even cliche this time. I was humbled to know that I made a difference.

The one thing I learned is to always say it before it's too late.

Home sweet home. The retreat and the Confirmation ceremony is over and now I'm home. I'm back in the groove of things now that failed my ASTR test. I can honestly care less. More to come later since the professor is not letting us use the computers.

I almost died today. On the way home, I was almost side-swiped by a pick up truck. I'm not really one to blow my car horn at anyone for any reason, but I pounded on those buttons and the truck crept closer. She finally slowed down as I checked my side and swerved. Needless to say, I was pretty pissed off.

I couldn't help but notice that she kept following me for a while. There was no doubt that she might have been going the same way. Anyway, she pulled at my side and of course, I had to give the evil eye. But here's the twist...she was all waving and saying sorry. In LA, most people wouldn't do that. I wasn't so mad after seeing her do that.

After all, you know me and my road rage...heh heh.

I find myself unable to sleep. I finally did my reads, and Kris caught my eye. So you got it...hmmm screw it. I'm getting it now. heh heh...

Oh and thank you.

Okay well, back to struggling for some needed Z's.

Who do I know from Michigan State? I checked my site meter and saw that this person (or people) were visiting regularly. Well, it's not like I need to know who it is, but it's kind of cool to see that people are actually reading up on me. Who says I'm not writing for an audience?

I almost thought I was going to go on an impromptu hiatus. I guess I had a lot of catching up to do for a while. I'm kind of glad to know that I'm somewhat caught up with the rest of the world. The only problem is that I'm going to have a fairly hectic couple of weeks due to tests, papers, and the final week of confirmation. I keep telling myself, it's better to be behind than not present at all. I guess I'm lacking the motivation and time to write and reflect on my days and thoughts, but between you and me. You're not missing out on much...

I made $135 last night! It's a new record haha. Go figure...

That last post was delayed. Stupid blogger.

Have you ever felt out of place with the people you love to be with? At the risk of them reading it, I'm just going to type what I feel. (That's what this thing is for right?) It was weird not engaging in conversation with friends. It's not that I expect people to talk out of their ass when I'm with them. I guess magazines seemed like a good idea at the time. I'm not that much of a magazine buff so I was kind of caught in the middle of three people flipping through pages while I'm trying to leave the table without coming off rude. Don't get me wrong, I love their company but do they appreciate mine? I hope so. I kept thinking to myself, am I just the annoying guy who calls for no reason and wants to hang out? Am I the dork vegetating on their couch? Are they only letting me take them out just to humor me? I didn't feel any presence on my part. I'm not suggesting anything here. I'm sure they had no idea I felt this way. Realistically speaking, what could I have said to improve the situation on my part? Did they have a good time or did I waste their time? I don't know.


What did I learn today?
- I'm not an avid magazine patron
- not everyone would like my company
- my driving comes off as erratic (sp?)
- I might come off as annoying
- not all people hold hands the right way (don't ask)
- it sucks not being able to converse with friends
- just because I think it's a good place doesn't mean that it's good for the rest of the world
- something about erection angles (again...don't ask)
- go to the bathroom before you leave the tea bar

I had a good time. I guess the only thing that matters to me right now is that I enjoyed their company. heh.

Dearest readers reader me,

I'm just blogging for the sake of blogging.

Let me marinate a little bit and I'll let you know what's on my mind...

Thanks Ivy...

Crap! I'm going to be late!

I ended up going to Beverly Hills by myself the other day. It's a really nice place but there was one thing missing. CUSTOMER SERVICE...I know that I have to "look" a certain way for people to think that I actually have money to spend. Only two stores greeted me and asked if I needed help, Gap and FCUK. Hey, I know that I try to be all fashionable, but I'm grateful that I'm not at the point where I'm such a snob about it.

Anyway, today I'm not feeling very good about myself. I woke up at about 11am and missed half of my day. I'm feel really stupid for oversleeping when all I had to do was set my alarm the night before...which I neglected to do. Shit, on the way to school, I told myself that I cannot miss another class for the rest of the semester. I better get back on track...

In other news, I think someone is screwing with me. One of the primary reasons I went to Beverly Drive was to see the Roots store. Here's the kicker:

Thank you for shopping with Roots Direct.

Your order number XXXXXX71 has been shipped.

great...now when I actually GO to the store, that's when they decide to ship my order after 2 months. Well, at least the shipping is free...

Well, time to change the currents and head to the second half of my classes.

LOOK OUT FOR THIS!

CHICK HEARN IS THE MAN!

I think I needed that 3 mile walk/jog/run. I really feel good about myself and I think that this is the thing that will push me back to my better habits. I felt quite insecure when I went to get a haircut. heh. I really think that I should get back to exercising, lifting, and dieting. I'm not fat...but shit I'm not fit either. I'm a bit sore but hey, NO PAIN...NO GAIN. Wish me luck.

I had a pretty productive day so far. It's too bad that Adolfo & Julie hasn't called me back for an outing to Beverly Hills. (If either of you are reading this...CALL ME!) There's still time. Either way, I feel like I didn't waste my day. The best part about this is that I have another day off tomorrow. *cracks a smile*

Something is telling me not to go to school. I checked each syllabus and none of the classes today offer any useful information for the test. There's no homework due and as I type, I'm already very late for my first class. This seems like the perfect opportunity to play hookie. haha...hmmmmmm. Why do I feel so guilty doing it this time? =\

I've never skipped a whole day since the beginning of the semester for Archdiocese Youth Day...

Freaking conscience..........

Another mediocre day at work. It's not that I'm complaining either. heh. Anyway, I guess there hasn't been anything worth talking about for the past weekend. For once, the weekend felt quite long. It couldn't have been the fact that I was pretty inactive. Well, I'm off to get me a haircut...it's about time.

Need something to do?

Motivate Movement is proud to announce Funk Lab Productions & JRAWK (Style Elements) will be presenting: TRUE 2 THE GAME 2002 on April 27th located at the Washington United Youth Center in San Jose, California

This will be a 2 on 2 BBOY Battle with $1000 CASH and Prizes
Watch Northern California representives duke it out with their
counter-parts
from Las Vegas, Nevada!

Who's Who:
Northern California's Representation-
Roland of Headhunters
Naytron of Headhunters
Roxrite of Renegades
Rob of Headhunters
Rephlex of D.S.D.1
Kerg of Headhunters
Marcus of Flex Flav
Skai of D.S.D. 1
VS.
Las Vegas' Representation-
Ronnie of Full Force
Chris of KH Zoo
B.J. of Security
Grahm or Raos
Lil Danny of Full Force
Wes of Full Force
Bret of House or Reps
Ben of KH Zoo

ON THE WHEEL OF STEEL
DJ Havik of the World Famous Beat Junkies
DJ Fuse One of Motion Sickness/Funk Lab
Abel of Fakshuns L.A.
Worldwise of Motion Sickness/Funk Lab
P-Joe of Fakshuns L.A.
Wobbels of Fakshuns L.A.
Dynamiks of Fakshuns L.A.
Geo of Funk Lab

IF YOU THOUGHT THE BATTLE WAS ENOUGH
There will be a special tribute to THE SIDEWALK BREAKERS
w/ very special guests : POE ONE of the Style Elements Crew,, LIL LEP
of
Original 7 Deadly Sins, NYC Breakers, DVS, Rock Steady Crew, Zulu Kings
& a Live Joint by Sonic Beatbox

Poppers and Lockers will not be forgotten as well- In THE FUNK ROOM-
Check
out pure uncut grooves for your locking and poppin enjoyment.!

This all goes down at Washington United Youth Center
921 South First St. , San Jose, California
3:00PM - 10:00PM
APRIL 27 . 2002
OPEN TO ALL AGES
$10 at the door
an additional $20 per camcorder brought into the event
Call us: +1.408.395.6731 or log onto: www.funklabprod.com

This jam is brought to you by:
DADA Footwear, Fat Pounds Inc., Innercircle Clothing, Higherground,
Fulltime
Artists, Reflect, Fakshuns, Wildstyle Technicians, Triple Motives,
Hiphop-Network.com and The Motivate Movement

WHO SAID BREAKDANCING IS DEAD? TO BE TRULY DOWN WITH HIP HOP IS TO BE A
BBOY/BGIRL!

One Love Worldwide Hip Hop Family

Rest In Power
Michael "DREAM" Francisco
J.A.M.in' in Spirit

whoo hoo...i got a new counter. Don't let the low number fool you. I'm not that lame...

Well, I didn't get my "Let's go shake my ass" fix. But, I'm over it. I had one, long day. There was a breakfast that I had to help at for my Canada trip this summer. It was fun though...but then again, when aren't the youth ministry outings good for me?

I guess I'm just blogging since it feels weird to not update this bad boy. I have nothing else better to do.

Great...I had to remove the site meter. Can this night get any better?

You ever feel like you've said something that can't be unsaid? I did.

A scene I know all too well...

I totally regret the decision I made. I should have just stayed at work. What made me think that I was going to have fun tonight? I'm such an idiot for not going to work. Me mad? Hell yeah I'm mad. It's no one's fault though. Fuck...I didn't do anything since I got home. I chose the wrong night to not want to work. I'm going to bed. I'm pissed off...I sat around for nothing and I could have just made money. I'm going to be one pissed off person if I waste the rest of my weekend. SHIT.

I think I should just shut up.

Man...of all nights everyone I know has plans. Gail has a birthday thing to go to. I don't know where Ariel is. Adolfo is bar hoppin...CRAP. I hope Nicole is still going out to Union. Hmmm, what to do....what to do...

Now that I have a free minute I'll move on.

I doubt that some of you would care but, I was tripping last night. Lo and behold there she was... Miss Lea Salonga sitting on table 83. I couldn't believe it. I got all gushy and asked for her autograph. whoo hoo! That's number 2 for my islands collection. I'll leave it next to my autograph of Brian McKnight. Hmmm..that's the fourth person I've seen come in.

1) Paul Walker
2) Brian McKnight
3) Halley Joel Osmond
4) Lea Salonga

Shit...just when I thought I wanted to quit this job...

Another celebrity came into Islands today. I even got an autograph. Who am I talking about? Well, stay tuned kiddies...

I wanted to post the last 2 posts but blogger wasn't letting me publish...

The sdym forum really got out of hand and I had to say something...

I come to the site and see this monstrocity...

What happened in here? Who are these people? This is not fun anymore. It's real annoying having to read all of these posts that don't mean anything. I'm sorry, I have to say something. This whole thing is getting totally out of hand and I'm seriously annoyed by it. It makes me want to stop posting. This isn't a chat line or something, this was SUPPOSED to be a useful tool for us but so many people aren't taking this seriously. I mean it's cool that people are posting, but don't be wasting everyone's time if you're not going to post something meaningful. By all means post, but please make it more meaningful and useful.

I'm tired of the "TyipENinG LyKe Dis" and the "um's" and all of this stuff that really makes no sense. I'm sure I'm speaking for a lot of people when I say that this thing is totally messed up now. I'm sure that this thing can be removed just as fast as we set it up.

Watch the crude language too. I know you're not using any cuss words or anything, but keep in mind that this is a YOUTH MINISTRY page. I find it real disrespectful that so many people are just typing nonsense.

For those who are using a name other than their own:
We can't build community by withdrawing your real identity from everyone else. It's understandable to keep your name from us if there is a real problem...

Oh and by the way, I think we owe it to Ariel to not fill up this forum with unnecessary posts. This thing doesn't take care of itself.

I know I came off harsh, but you know what? I am seriously fed up.

I'm not speaking for anyone but myself.

stereotypes? you make the call...heh

Tonight I spent some good quality time with some SDYM people. We went bowling today and man I'm just glad that I got the highest score...heh. Anyway, I'm glad I got to know some people more. There have been quite a few people that I never really thought of as friends. I didn't feel that odd sense of uneasiness like I did at BJ's. After a night of mike checks and lap dances, we all went to Pete's where a profound conversation was waiting for us. We talked about philosopical matters and how church is relavent in our lives. I'm not really sure if we answered each other's questions, but there was a lot of light was shed upon everything. The conversation couldn't end so we took it to the St. Dominic's parking lot. I'm glad that there was a mutual respect for a lot of opposing thoughts. I also got to talk to a certain someone about debuts and how much I missed doing stuff like that. There was a lot of thinking going on tonight. Before I sleep, I want them to know that I am so grateful that I can make a total ass of myself and still have a lot of fun. I hope that the people who were there are reading this.

In other news: Last Wednesday, about 20 of us went to denny's for some good times. I'm planning to make a short flash thing about Jason's adventure with tabasco sauce. He took a shot of it and we didn't let him chase it with anything. What a guy...heh.

I never get tired of being with all of the SDYM people.

Damn....interesting night again...

I won't go into details but I know that a lot of my friendships at SDYM grew much stronger tonight. I'll give the gory and "spicy" details tomorrow...Jason actually took a big ass shot of tabasco. HA! I have pictures that even the enquirer would want.

Then again...

I went to Pink's today. Thanks Ariel.

that's it...

After coming home from work, I think I had an interesting night...

First, I was diverted into a problematic situation. I thought the worst, but I'll leave it at that to protect the innocent.

Next, I come home for the second time to find my mom searching for medicine for my sister. Since she didn't find any, I was sent to the nearest 24 hour Sav-On.

Now, I'm finally able to blog...

I'm tired...but what did I learn today?

I learned to respect myself and be honest; be honest with the people around you as well as yourself. I think I made a new friend today.

I'm feeling drained and uneasy, but I'll get over that.

Oh, and one more thing...Never think that you are alone. There's always someone who's been there and is willing to show you the way. I was assured about something today and I feel a bit more at home with some people...

Okay, so I haven't been blogging lately, eh? I was just too busy trying to enjoy the last few days of my spring break. I did. It was nice being overwhelmed by family. I love them to death. Last sunday ended so perfectly. The family had a night out at In and Out. It was real nice. The laughs, the conversations, the discussions...I love being with them. We hardly do that anymore. We're all so busy lately. Jesus wasn't the only one who resurrected last Sunday...I think my soul was too.

Oh, and leave it to Ariel and Kris to end my break off right. Thanks guys. I even got to go shopping for that leather bracelet I wanted (and then some).

Well, I'm back in the funk of classes, but I have every intention to attend them and raise my grade as high as I possibly could. I have come back with a fresh sense of self.

Shit I gotta change those currents and get back to class. heh.