Fist Bumps Usually Occur After Handling Trash

"I've had to say goodbye more times than I would have liked, but everyone can say that. And no matter how many times we do it, even when it's for the greater good, it still stings. Though we'll never forget what we've given up, we owe it to ourselves to keep moving forward. What we can't do, is live our lives always afraid of the next goodbye because chances are, they're not going to stop. The trick is to recognize a goodbye can be a good thing; when it's a chance to start again." - Ugly Betty

It's because of you, I know what love at first sight is like. It really does happen in slow motion.

It's because of you, I've experienced that the greatest man in the room (to me) really can make you forget everyone else around you. It's truly disarming.

It's because of you, I understand the notion of being attracted to someone's true essence; beyond sexual and physical attraction.

It's because of you, I learned that being alone is a quiet strength. Knowing one's self is key.

It's because of you, I feel like a guy can really get me, no matter how flawed and quirky I am.

It's because of you, I believe that a special bond between two people can be different and mutually understood without a shred of doubt.

It's because of you, I know that life is all about taking chances. I took one on you.

Unfortunately for me, it's because of you...that I can't have you.


I feel like a part of me died today. Honesty isn't easy. I suppose it was to make room for growth; for someone better. Sometimes when you look for something you want, you end up finding something that you need instead. Life has a funny way of doing that. We're on a different level and that's a path worth sharing. After everything was said, I walked away with more than I anticipated. I may not have walked away holding your hand, but you still walk the path with me on our own level.

Yeah, we don't know what God has planned for us, but I'm sure He planned for us to be in each other's lives for an awesome reason. You'll always have that special place in my heart. I'll always steal to a place of what could have been. I'll always be attracted to who you are. Either way, I didn't lose you, nor did I lose myself. It'll take a little time to heal and remember what it all means... but we'll manage.

I'm lucky to have you...so be prepared to hear that a lot. I don't ask for much in life, but it seems I got a lot more than I asked for. I got what I needed. I got you, another genuine, best friend.

*fist bump*

LEARNOWNVALIDATEEVOLVE

Being who I am isn’t a guaranteed payoff, but it’s the best bet I could make. I’m not going to lie, though. I’m rough around the edges and a bit soft in the middle, but I’m learning to work with what I have. After almost 2 years of having to rediscover myself after a massive identity meltdown, I learned that the growing up never ends. Oddly enough, my inner child still comes out to play, no matter what my birth year suggests.

After this retreat, I was reminded that maybe I’m not so far removed from today’s youth. I’m not stupid, but I already know the snap judgments they’d instinctively make. Let’s face it, rounding up to 30 doesn’t bring too much credibility to someone who’s half my age. Fortunately, a handful of students and leaders were beaming with relief after Saturday night’s session. Some even came to share their new-found, inner freedom with me. Their spirited words and breath-knocking hugs, was one hell of a wake up call.

All the while, I jump in the trenches as some sort of teacher and they had no idea our problems are, in essence, the same. In the past year, I’ve come across my own victories & hardships. Pain is pain. Success is success. There’s always a fair trade off whether or not we believe it’s there. Balance. What a crock; but a necessary evil sometimes. Life has a way of throwing me off balance anyway. I’ve treaded lightly with my own heart only to have it trampled by some guy who had no idea what he wanted from life. As my heart’s shrapnel remains scattered and unaccounted for, I still pray for someone who will pocket the pieces. The pursuit of love is, I think, a more universal language than math is. God, I suck at math...

I dream of days where everything makes sense, but reality has a way of being more interesting than my personal, diluted fantasy. My career feels defeated. My love life is just an abyss of unknowns. The only money that I have are in my pockets right now. Lastly, I have no idea where I’m going to go next. Even after all these hurdles I need to jump, I have to remain collected. I can't say that I'm not embarrassed about it, but I'm happy. I can actually say that I am.

I’m perfectly flawed and you know what? I’m okay with that. There’s going to be another time where I have to rediscover myself again, but at least now I’ll be better armed for the self warfare. I’m stuck in the middle, but it’s better than being too scared to leave the starting point, right?

Consider. Mark. embraced.