Here's a flyer for me and my twin bro's 25th birthday celebration part 1!

Holy shit, i'm getting old yo.

Can you believe that I'm with GIRLS?!

I know right.

I'm awesome.

and you'd be awesome too if you came to celebrate with me!

My First Prescription Sunglasses



I haven't owned a pair of prescription sunglasses before. I was thinking about getting new frames, but the Gucci pair I have is still in really good shape. I'll be getting them in 2 weeks and a year supply of contact lenses. Being double covered is awesome. Yes, I got Gucci again. I had to match them right? hahaha. I'm pathetic.



(Wow, I haven't had a shallow, pointless blog entry in a while. haha. Yay me.)

CHEER ME ON!

Follow my fitness progress here!

Check out my progress and the progress of everyone else in the program!

Here's to a sexy (sans the "bitch" part) me!

I think it's cute that my parents like to play Wii bowling together on the Wii.

Fuck, I just realized that I'm going to be 25 in less than a month.

Thinking Keeps Me Awake At Night

The boyfriend is really close to moving out of the house and into his own space with one of his best friends, Jeff. I am not necessarily bothered by the fact that he's leaving. I think that it's great that he will have a place of his own. The fact that we've been living together for over 3 years makes this whole separation thing seem like a downgrade to me. Let's be honest. Most couples strive to achieve the patience and ability to live with their counterpart...well, at least that's how I see it. We agreed that this will be another test for our relationship. So we'll see how this goes.

The reason I'm up at this ungodly hour is because I keep thinking. I honestly wonder when him and I would get our own space to share. Would it really happen once I'm actually stable? There are just some issues that concern me and cause me to think him and I won't be sharing a home of our own. I know that we can live together. Duh, we've done it for quite a while now. The thing is, it's so much easier for him to have a space like this with a friend rather than a lover. It's obviously easier to explain. Sometimes, when we're out I wish I didn't have to be so cautious of how I interact with him. There's really not much I can do about that. Yeah, it bothers me, but in the end I love him anyway.

I always dream about living in an amazing place. I keep imagining our photos and our artwork gracing the walls. I always imagine seeing this amazing black and white photo of us greeting me on a countertop whenever I enter the room. I dream about a living room that HE put together because Lord knows that he is very particular about how a room should look. I can smell the dinner he's making since he can cook much better than I can...

I guess I oughta snap out of it. I suppose him and I will cross that bridge when we get to it. I am that point in my life where I know I want to turn a house into a home...and I hope that I'm not wasting my time if my dream doesn't come true.

No. I'm not doubting the relationship. I've jokingly tell him that he's the one who has to propose to me. That way I'll know that he's ready. Jokes are half truth, right? Will WE ever be ready? We'll see. But for now, I'm very happy with him and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm just scared and obviously thinking way too much if I'm up this early.

Fuck. Turn off, BRAIN! You need to sleep.

“Love is like a painting. In the beginning it is only an idea, but over time it is built up through errors and corrections till you have a breath taking work of art for all to see.”

-unknown

After 3 years there was a question that was asked: "Aren't you sick of it yet?" I didn't understand the question. There's no limit for the need to be loved. Everyday he tries hard to keep me going. In the little gestures he does, to the words and tone he uses, I know that there is no limit to my potential. So now. I understand how one can make another a better person. He. Makes. Me. Better.

There is only one thing that I am sick of though. I am sick of not knowing the perfect way to express my love. However, I express it as best as humanly possible. He is the closest thing that I will ever comprehend as perfection. I always thought that it didn't exist. I was wrong. Perfection exists in at least two parts that achieve a difficult balance.

In the past three years I learned that there are three phrases that are vital in any relationship.

In no particular order...
1. Thank you.
2. I'm sorry.
3. I love you.

Without these words, I realize a real relationship cannot thrive.

Perfection comes in parts...as many as it is necessary. Arnell is my missing part. He balances my chaos. He is everything I want and need.

Thank you for wholeheartedly loving all of me. If time was money, you have made me a millionaire. I hope you like your gift.







Happy Anniversary. 32J.

Motivation & Change

Lately, I have found myself to be unmotivated and sleeping excessively. I haven't motivated to really improve and get my shit together. I'm so lazy that I can't even keep up with my blogger. geez.

I have been looking at myself in the mirror and feeling really insecure. I want to have a good reason to improve my image and take control of my life. FOR ONCE, I'd like to look in the mirror and be content. In the gay world, there's so much pressure to look certain way. Obviously it doesn't help my dysmorphia.

I looked the mirror the other day and wanted to start a change. I have many friends who have started going to the gym and eating better. I feel like I have no control of who I am because I'm just being fucking lazy. I started my change by shaving my head. I figured I should have a constant reminder of change. I need to start...and I need to move.

I'm in the home stretch of school and I can't afford to fuck up again. I can't sit there and assume that I'm gonna be a success. I have to work on it. I need to set the tone and really work my ass off.

I'm going to be 25 and I really feel like I don't have much to show for myself. Sure, you all can tell me that I have a lot. It's not that I don't believe you, it's just I need to be impressed with myself. I'm done wishing...

As my brother would say, "Don't talk about it, be about it."