I am not having a great week.

I miss him.

Someone hit my car while I was at work.

I'm broke.

I feel like my life's a mess.

Today is just a good day.

That's all. =)

Things That Need to Be Said

1. I love my new iPod and yes, Caroline, I got it engraved. hee hee.

2. Oh, I miss Caroline and Alan. UNF!

3. Joey, you're awesome. Thanks for the comment.

4. I think I'm gonna wait a little longer.

5. I got smacked in the head by a falling shelf at work tonight.

6. I wish I could go back to college...and I will in the fall. (Anyone get that reference? haha.)

7. I miss the Bay Area and the cousins that reside there. Actually, I miss all of my cousins.

8. Time to save up for school and a macbook pro.

9. I need to drive over to Harbor City. Fuck the gas prices.

10. I love you with all my heart. It's been the greatest 1 year, 9 months, 13 days of my life.

11. Mark, get over it. I named it Barrett and it's gonna stay that way.

RIP

I forget how irresponsible and remorseless young teenagers can be. To them, things may not be a big deal but that's because they're selfish.

It pisses me off that my sister just leaves something of mine on the floor and it gets crushed by an oncoming vehicle. It was irreplaceable.

Thanks sis. Remind me to NEVER let you handle any of my belongings ever again.

When Was the Last Time I Spent Money On Myself?!



Dear Mark,
Let this iPod be a motivating tool for
yourself. Remember to work hard and play
harder. Inspire yourself. BE YOURSELF.
Love, Mark.

It's about time I got myself something nice, right?

I.

Am.

Proud.

To.

Be.

A.

Gay.

Filipino.

The Heart Wants What it Wants

I'm young. I've been told I'm attractive. (Which honestly, is weird to me because I've always had image issues.) I'm outgoing. Apparently, guys are attracted to me. Oddly, enough I don't really get hit on in public, so what does that tell me? I'm such a loser. ha.

My point is: I could get any guy I wanted if I really tried. I could, but would I?

If I had learned anything from this relationship, it's that the GRASS IS DEFINATELY NOT GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE. I learned that the grass is just farther away and that's about it.

I haven't found anyone else that could offer me more than Arnell has. At this point in my life, I don't think it's possible. Yeah, I'm young and I don't need to settle down yet, but hey once you've been swept off of your feet...you don't really want to get up.

The key now is a little more patience, love, respect, understanding, support, and a little bit of space once in a while. It's okay to rip into each other once in a while. It's normal to have tiffs here and there. The ones you love the most just know how to push your buttons, right?

Do I love him? Naturally, but that doesn't mean I have to like him all the time.

We all have insecurties, but isn't that where faith comes in?

The worst feeling in the world is to feel insignificant, overlooked, unattractive, underappreciated, and being taken for granted. It's one thing to be a sounding board, but it's another thing to be someone else's emotional punching bag.

You can only push someone so far. If one goes any further, one may just fall off the cliff.

I've always been told that the ones that love you the most, hurt you the most. If that's the case, I'm feeling a lot of "love" right now. Am I the one who can't make people happy? Once in a while, I feel like maybe I'm just hiding behind my crass humor and plastered smile to get through the day.

Why do I do the things I do? What keeps me going?

Right now, I'm not entirely sure. My "indecisiveness" may be to another's advantage since I'm not really sure what I want if I don't feel any better about myself.

If you love me...say it.
If you trust me...do it.
If you want me...show it.
If you need me...prove it.