Great.

Carlos cancelled on me too. I don't even know if I even want to go to the show anymore.

I miss you too, love...

For the whole weekend, I felt that I wasn't getting much from the Leadership retreat. It wasn't until Saturday night I had so much to gain. I never thought I had so much pent up shit inside me. There were issues with myself, my friends and with my dedication. I really heard what I needed to hear. I never thought that I was making an impact on others just by being myself. I am humbled by people's kind words. Hmmm...it's weird how weeping deliriously can lighten your heart and soul.

I was so mad at you. Yet, I came to you and you forgave me for being angry, but you didn't know. You had no idea how you hurt me, but I forgave you for doing so.

Thank you. I love you...

I guess some things are better left unsaid...

I totally forgot to mention that I had a bomb-diggity time with Aiyah and Nicole the other day. It's not everyday we can hang out and have some fun. I guess picking up the check is the least I can do for some friends I haven't seen for a while. Bowling was fun, but I'm not sure how my score was just as good as my day. hee hee. I hope we can do that again soon.

In other news, I'm corrupting another mind. My good buddy Carlos skipped a class in his first week of his first year in college. I didn't tell him too. I was just an accessory to his hookie madness. We had some fun despite a few bugs in his devious plans. Today was fun...

Hey, I gotta get packing for the retreat. I need to look through my stuff and we're all set. I think we both can use some time to reflect and clear the air, right V?

I know I haven't been up for a while. But I think this time I thought that I had something worth saying. It's odd how this whole blog thing works...My mindstate is always different when I try to get my thoughts out. I think the other day I was totally off my rocker. I did so many things that was totally uncharacteristic of me. I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions. I'm sorry for being so wrapped up in my own shit that I didn't think twice about doing something about it. It's always hard to ram antlers with the people you love, but it only makes a bond stronger. Honesty is just as hard to give as it is to receive. I seriously deserved that reality check.

I love you. Thank you for being real with me and taking the step to confront me about it. I think we cleared the air a little bit but we still need to be on the same page.

I think we both need a little guidance.

I added a couple of things on my list... heh

I don't really have time to let you in on what's up. I have so much to do.

My birthday is a month from today. wowie...

Insomnia is getting the best of me again...

I know I told you that I was going to sleep. The fact is I went right back to my computer and decided to blog. I thought it might make me sleepy.

First off I'm sad that you can't come with me. It's alright though...I suppose it wasn't meant to be.

Anyway, I thought that I'd get my a wish list out for my birthday. I'm pretty sure that I'm putting this list out in vain. I hate it when people want to get something for me and my fixed (AND HONEST) answer of "you don't need to get me anything" doesn't fly. Hopefully the list can give a vague idea of what I want and need. I was talking to RJ and he told me to enjoy being 20. I'm sure I will. I mean, I had some fun being 19, but this is the last month (and a day) of my teenage era; an interesting and unecessary notion. Anyway, I noticed my list is quite expensive...

I don't really make a big deal about my birthday. It's not that I don't care about living another year. It just seems to take forever to come. I don't really mind if people forget. I don't hope that people will give me something for my birthday. It's obviously not an ordinary day, but it's not like it's a national holiday either. I don't expect anything...

In other news, Gah-ree got me to go to AE because he works there and gave me a coupon for 20% off. Dammit! I ended up spending $70. It's okay though...It's for a good friend and his new job. I guess I needed new cargo shorts anyway.

I hate bills...my credit card bill and cell phone bill came at the same time...


...petch.

Okay, so my problem is solved now...don't mind the other crap that says otherwise.

I'm off to dinner with Janet. Happy Birthday! =)

I have found myself in an interesting position. It's nothing drastic. I have a decision to make...

MORE ON MY PERIL LATER...

18.75 %

My weblog owns 18.75 % of me.
Does your weblog own you?

I can't stand it! I haven't really gone out for the past couple of days. I need to go out with someone. I haven't seen anyone for a while and I haven't gotten any calls to go out. =(

I have to go to work tonight. *gasp* *sigh*

Did I ever tell you how much I LOVE this target that just opened up near my house?!

Okay, the other day, another interesting customer comes into ISLANDS to eat. For the sake of storytelling, we'll call her Arma. Anyway, she comes in and is a total bitch to her server. After her meal, she leaves a big mess with her friends (who are just as bad, if not worse) and leaves a pathetic tip. Okay, so why is this story so worth telling? **C'mon Mark, you have these customers come in all the time...** Here's the kicker: Arma asks her server for an application to work with us. (It gets better.) At the bottom there is a question that applicants have to fill out. What sort of skills or experiences can you bring to Islands? Her answer was "excellent customer service." WTF?! So her server hands the app to our manager and we tell her this whole story. We all read her response the question and our manager rips it in half and says, "Maybe she needs to learn how to be a good customer first before she works here."

That made my day...

God bless you Chick Hearn. You have been a Los Angeles icon and the voice of the Lakers before my very existence. Whoever is going to take over will never be able to fill his shoes. *sigh*

Francis Dale "Chick" Hearn
"The Golden Throat"
(1916 - 2002)

For the record, that one blog that I went psycho-babble on was an isolated incident. I don't analyze everyone's blog. It was just fun at the time and Kris was lucky enough to get a "free reading." haha

there are so many people who shouldn't have blogs...right Kris? haha

Instead of going on and on about all the physical aspects of my trip to Toronto, I thought that I'd let you know what I got out of it.

Whether positive or negative, family is always a big part of everyone's lives. I figured out what it takes to be a part of one. When the thirty-three of us landed in Toronto, we were separate but together. I never thought what we would have to go through just to make it through 10 days. All of us came from different families and had different ideas of community. The first few days were kind of trying and it was hard to breakdown our walls. It took a lot of communicating and a lot of pain had to be experienced. Although we had exchanged thoughts, it wasn't difficult for all of us to come closer together. I prayed for an angel to come down and help us start our "bonding." My prayers were answered. Tracy was the angel I prayed for. It was her birthday and right before our catechesis session, the song leaders invited her to come up on stage for everyone to sing for her. Not only did we sing for her, we all got up and straight cheered for her. Just seeing everyone celebrating for her made me realize that our differences in opinion made didn't matter anymore. The Saint Dominic Youth Ministry family was a beginning to strengthen. The first lecture was about family...Forget About Me, I Love You.

The next test came in the form of controlling a crowd. We waited for a few hours to be able to get a good glimpse of the Pope. The guys in the group had to make sure that the girls weren't harmed by some mischevious destructive little woman. Despite everyone's tempers being provoked, we were all able to get a good look at the Pope. We all ended up laughing about our problem rather than dwelling on it.

The event that sealed our fate was the final weekend. The final weekend consisted of a campout in Downsview Park. The first night was a night vigil and there would be a Papal Mass the following morning. The event looked like a holy version of woodstock. There were "squatters" building makeshift shelters and there were 3 cities of portable toilets. The weather wasn't something to be reckoned with. Within 3 hours it could be inbelievably hot and then a storm would hover over us. Anyway, it started to pour around 630 on sunday morning. It subsided for an hour or two but there was a sudden downpour and a fierce wind whipping through the park. Our boys (who so happen to be boy scouts) made a tent for 4 people. After about 20 minutes they decided to give in to the needs of the group rather than their own. They ended up making that improvised tent able to fit about 25 people. Everyone did their part to make sure that everyone else was taken care of. Everyone was so selfless. THAT WAS FAMILY: putting your needs aside to serve the others who are needy as well. Basically.....SACRIFICE.

I thought that I had lost my own sense community. I was so bent on making sure that everyone else was comfortable...I finally lost it. I felt so hurt. I was SO mad at a few people. But you know what? I got over it and I really don't think that these people really need to know what I was so irked about. I hated myself for being mad at them.

Family is a bond that certainly cannot be messed with. It took us a week to be able to flow on the same wavelength. I came home feeling like a part of something much larger than I could ever comprehend. I love everyone who made that trip possible. I love my Saviour. I love myself. I went there wanting to better myself. Not only did I better myself, I rekindled, created, and strengthened so many relationships.

For all of the attendees of WYD/JMJ 2002 - thank you for the renewed sense of self, community, friendship, and family.

GOD BLESS...