Prom was great. Athena and I had a blast.

What I didn't expect was my presence being so well received. haha. As the junior class of 2004 escorted me and my date to our table, the other escorts (who I happened to know) were applauding me and yelling my name. ha. Before I even reached the table so many people were stopping me to say hello. One guy even stopped me to compliment me on my singing voice because he sees me at mass. I didn't even know the guy. ha.

All in all, the night was great and I'm SO glad that Athena had a good time. I made some new friends and It was nice to hang with Kris too. It's funny how we try so hard to spend some time but last night was cool.

I don't need to get into the details. All you need to know is that a great time was had by all. =)

Can you believe I'm going to prom number #6 (5 years running. ha.)?! I know I've been talking about it a lot lately to some people but isn't it weird? I'm gonna be the creepy old guy at the table. heh. I'm down to have some fun tonight.

1. My JDD 1999 at The Odyssey
2. Selle's 2000 JDD (DAMN! I can't even remember the venue!)
3. My Senior Prom 2000 at the Westin Bonaventure
4. Kim's LB Poly 2001 Senior Prom at the Skirball Culture Center
5. Athena's 2002 JDD at the Sheraton Universal
6. Athena's 2003 ERHS Senior Prom at the Omni - Los Angeles

geebus...won't high school just leave me alone?! ha. Maybe I should retire from prom whoring after this one. heh.

I'm not a damn rag doll, so stop pulling me around. What do you want from me?

My parents easily forget that I have a schedule too. I'm not a kid with no life. WTF?! I don't mind helping out but they shouldn't expect me to drop my prior engagements that I had scheduled a week in advance, for a last minute request. That's not fair to me. I don't do that them. Now, I'm trapped into a corner where I have to do it. They're good at that. Whatever. I swear, it's good to live at home but it would be nice to have my OWN schedule for once. They don't always consider my schedule when they "plan" things. I'm always the victim of their schedules and impromptu trips. Sucks.

I forgot to mention I was talking about dealing 2 grown men at work, not kids....fuh-reaking idiots.

I'll be your server today, so that means I know your fucking medical history.

I seriously think some of the customers who come into the restaurant are complete morons. So this guy, orders a Toucan (which has teriyaki sauce and grilled pineapple slices) and doesn't tell me that he doesn't want the pineapple. I serve it to him and he doesn't say anything. I come back 5 minutes later and his cheap-ass friend says, "Um, we have a slight problem here," He points to the half eaten burger. "He's allergic to pineapple. Why did you put pineapple in this?" I asked if I can just hash up another one but his "witty" cheap-ass friend immediately responds with, "How about some free onion rings?!" The conversation goes back and forth for a little bit until the guy was smart enough to speak for himself and said that it was okay.

If he was THAT allergic to begin with, he wouldn't have eaten over half of it before flagging me down. I can't read minds, buddy. I didn't know that you were allergic. Next time, warn the server about food allergies you may have if the item you are ordering is questionable...READ THE DAMN MENU!

Idiots. I'm working with IDIOTS.

I never realized how long a day is if you don't have class or work...

That does it...

note to self: Make sure all of my property is out of the visible eye of my dad. I have 4 pairs of slippers and they are ALL scattered since he "borrowed" them. He pocketed $70 I put aside so I can deposit it. He "thought it was his." My Structure and J. Crew hats are now in HIS closet. Some of my SMALL wifebeaters have all been stretched out since he thinks they are his.

I know the obvious answer is to get him a hat and slippers for pappy's day, but I tried that already. He has an uncanny knack for finding ONLY my stuff to use. Gosh, it's like having that roommate that takes shit with out asking.

My brother can totally vouch for this...heh.

I have NO plans on tuesday. Ah...to be home without a care in the world.

Loving it...

EVERYONE FEEL FREE TO CALL ME! hahaha.

Irritated...

An interesting morning, but I had somewhat of a good time. After a few inconvieniences, Kristine, Jay and I went to the park to play some tennis. They also had some other plans to meet with other people which didn't really happen because of a misunderstanding on the other party's side. That wasn't too bad...I mean it's not like they intentionally tried to aggravate me this morning. I mean, it's hard enough to have to get up at 7:45 in the morning on the third day of a long weekend...but whatever, I got my cardio.

The icing on the cake for Mark:

I didn't have a shift to work today and my mom said that they had no intention of making plans. So I covered a shift for the night so the holiday wouldn't be a total loss. While I was playing tennis, my mom calls and says that EVERYONE in the house is leaving for San Diego for the day. WTF?! Thanks-a-friggin lot o family of mine...

Now, I have to go to the beauty supply place just to get some washable black hair spray so management won't give me shit. Fuck them, I'll have the last laugh. muhahaha.

I can't sleep again. YES... I did try to go to sleep. I was staring at the ceiling for about an hour before I decided to get up.

I finally thought of something worth blogging about...

Why the hell do I want to quit Islands?

WHY CAN'T I WIN THE LOTTERY?!

I find it odd that people don't believe me that I want to quit. After reading this, I'm sure you'll see why I want to leave.

I've been a loyal employee at this company for 3 years now. One would think that after that long, I would have even a little seniority, but I don't. My tables and hours were pretty decent up until managment started screwing me up the ass. My hours and tables were only getting worse and the people who haven't been there half as long as I have, are getting moved up. No, I'm not a bad server. They just don't seem to recognize the great job I do. Not once did I get recognized for going the extra mile. Not once did I get a certificate of recognition for my hard work. Shit, I didn't even get my company gift until AFTER 2 years. Everyone else got theirs after one. Even in social events, I get screwed. I drove for one hour to play in the company softball tournament. Out of the 3 hours that we spent there, I didn't bat once and I was on the field for a collective time of 5 minutes. FUCK THEM.

So why am I going to quit? It's because I don't feel respected nor appreciated. I'm sure the initial shock will totally validate me...but it would score a lot of extra credit points if management bargains with me to get me to stay. Don't get me wrong, I love my co-workers but it's not worth it to me anymore.

For the first time, I felt so angry at work. I've never had any animosity while I did my job.

So do me a favor and DON'T doubt that I'm going to quit. I don't understand why some people thought I was "just saying it." I'm not going to be that restaurant's bitch anymore.

I'm handing in my 2 weeks before the first week of June ends.

Oahu, here I come.

WASTED

inside joke..haha went out with the grade school chums again. It's great to be part of the club. Thank God I only had to be "initiated" once.

::::::::::::::::::::

I noticed that since school ended, there's hasn't been anything too blog worthy to write about. I wonder why I got all boring. haha. The only thing that was even remotely interesting was hanging out with the guys and finishing this layout...and besides that, I chose to keep things under wraps about certain things and people.

Ahhhhh, summer bliss...

I am such a dumbass. I went to work 2 hours early. So, I went home and I'm just going to kill some time here. heh. Stupid schedule...

I'm gonna quit that place anyway. haha.

FINISHED! What do you think?

I had to omit the currents. I didn't know where to put them =(

School is OUT!

Let the vegetation commence! It's official. I opened it with a nice long nap. I got my hair did like I do every summer. I know it's gonna cause a double take. It's light again. hahaha.

I'm off to work tomorrow morning and a graduation that night.

OMG! I found a dollar!

I AM ON SUMMER VACATION!

I feel a new layout coming on...haha.

WHOO HOO! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBEN!

Well, Clay is really talented too. I was kinda torn but there's something about Ruben that I liked from the beginning. That was a CLOSE call. I was gonna go either way! Hey, you know Clay's gonna get some gig consindering he was in the top 10...

study time again...

boo.

2 more days till vegetation phase...

GOTTA KEEP STUDYING.

I'm just curious as to who actually reads this thing...

If you're reading this right now, leave your name and URL on my comments. I wanna see what happens...

Okay, back to studying. Yuck.

MaRkEy (My CoNNeCtiOn). u r there for me even thoe yr having yr hard times. u cant be ne nicer than u already r. thenks markey! i cnt wait till next year confirmation.

Thanks Mo-cha-cheese...That's a nice final thought before going to bed.

The times are getting better, but the stress is only increasing...4 more days and I'm free.

The weekend was very enlightening and sleep depriving. ha. I really need to start studying for my art history final and I still have to write my talk for the next (and last) confirmation class. I oughta make it really good.

There hasn't been too much that's been blog worthy for the weekend.

After thursday, I'll be a completely different person...in a good way I suppose.

good night...

Did everyone forget to call me back? I'm sitting here waiting to go out and have some fun.

Crap, another wasted Friday night. Work was rough and I want out...NOW!

Welcome Mark to the links...

Check him out when you get a chance.

*shakes fist* reeeead it!

So what was Mark's wheelings and dealings yesterday?

Yesterday was just like any normal school day, but it was also the last day of official instruction. THANK GOD. I'm ready to hit the Hawaiian beaches and crisp under the sun. Maybe I oughta hit a gym BEFORE hitting the beaches...Anyway, after my last theater quiz, Mark (not me, silly...another Mark), Ami, Brian, Tiwat, Jaesen, and I went to OCHA Classic. Tiwat had invited us to eat. <subtle plug> If you're in the valley and you're hungry for some good Thai food with fast service, you better stop by at OCHA Classic.</subtle plug> It was nice to just sit down and actually talk to people that I don't normally hang out with. I guess it helped my bad mood to act stupid with a completely different crowd. ha. I had a great time and I will never hear Disneyland music the same way ever again... We all exchanged info and assured each other that we would hang out again. I hope we weren't all just saying that. heh. Well, at least I have one more option to bug...it turns out that Jaesen lives about 10 minutes away. whoddathunkit?

Too bad it wasn't the last official day of school...but it was just as a good of a time as any.

Yeah, you heard it here first folks...my CS UNsocial ass made friends at school. ha.

I woke up today with a little more confidence. I can't expect things to be all fine and dandy but the only way is up, right?

I haven't been myself lately due to all of these complications that deal with school and relationship issues...but just pray for me.

I just need to get school over and done with. I need to find me a new job and get things back in order.

I know what I want but I just need the time to collect myself and get things organized. There are still a few people that I need to talk to. There are questions that still need to be answered. There are still things that need to go MY way.

One more week to peace of mind...hang in there, Mark...You're still alive.

1) confused
2) left out
3) relieved
4) stressed
5) WTF!?!?!?!?!?!?

I guess the air is clear. I didnt get all my answers, but I got something. Geez...Why do I even try sometimes? An interesting night on all counts...that's all I gotta say.

Actually, in one day there are always 10 good things that happen to us. Number one being the fact that we are blessed with another day. But to have balance, there also must be a "BAD". That one bad thing can make you forget all of the ten wonderful things and ruin your whole day. Our duty is to be able to look pass that ONE bad thing and look at all the TEN wonderful things. I think that is really true. You may think Im wrong, but I doubt it. Anyway, I hope Ive helped in some way becuz that was what i was trying to do.

I don't think you're wrong. I think I was just being human and forgetting what's important.

It's funny how you can find some comfort in the last place you look.

Thank you.

I still can't sleep, but fortunately enough, I was finally able to construct a logical chain of thought.

I was accused of using someone.

Why would I want to use someone for my own personal gain? There is nothing that I can acheive by doing that. I have no interest in taking other people's property or relationships. I don't need to take things from people. I have what I need and I work for what I want. It would be unfair to deny someone of something that they worked so hard for. It would be unfair to accuse me of using a person when I would rather give to people. I try to give until it hurts...and sometimes I give until I have nothing left. I know that I need to work on being a taker, but if I have learned anything in this lifetime, it's to always express your gratitude. A good friend once told me, "If you feel love, why don't you just tell that person?" Everyone needs to be given gratitude. Everyone needs to know that they are loved.

Little things make a big difference.

Communication: It's important to listen to people. It's even more important to remember that people listen to you too.

I would never relish in someone else's anguish, especially if I (unintentionally) caused it. I am human. I can be jaded by selfishness. I can be tempted too. I can make mistakes. I can fail. I suffer pain too. So why would I wish that upon someone else? Ask my closest friends and they will tell you...Even when I'm hurting...I will try to help carry your burdens in addition to my own. I wish I could be superman to everyone, but I have a schedule to maintain and deadlines to meet and beat. I don't mean to place anyone in the backburner, even though to other people, that's where I sit most of the time. Personally, I don't believe that "friends come and go." If they were real friends to begin with, they would never leave. A real friend would do anything to keep a friendship alive. People may come and go, but a friend will always be with you.

I have been stepped on all my life. I am taken for granted all the time. I'm the "nice guy" who will just be passive and be used as a fucking doormat. I know what it's like to feel used. I would never wish that upon anyone. I know how much it hurts. I know how vulnerable one can feel.

I'm human. I say things without meaning them and I mean things without saying them.

A problem, like a friendship, is two-sided.

Life continues and I will be paying my dues. I made mistakes too. Things will get better...they always do, but the pain before the happiness is always the hardest part.

"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take cetain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted. A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle. 'So which side wins,' I ask? Love wins. Love always wins."

- Tuesdays with Morrie

If I reach my hand out, I would hope you would be willing to reach back.

I feel like that I have so much to say, but none of my thoughts have been coherent enough to publish.

Why is it that when something royally aweful happens, more crap seems to follow? When it rains it POURS. I need to center my being. I need to get away from the failures and crap. I need to relax. I need to be me. I need....nothing and everything.

My minor car accident is costing us money.

My car is messy.

Finals are coming.

I lost my glasses.

I lost my friend.

I messed up my drama performance.

My room is messy.

I wish the world would just bend over so I can KICK ITS ASS.

I can live with the fact that I cannot please everyone, but I cannot, however, live with the fact that I hurt someone.

I lost my glasses on campus.

GREAT.

Is this the beginning of the end or a whole new beginning?

I can't sleep. I want to talk to someone. (Thank you) I want to know if everything will work out. I was really hurt today but I can't say it wasn't justified.

Psalm 31 : 2-9
In you, Lord, I take refuge;
let me never be put to shame.
In your justice deliver me;
incline your ear to me;
make haste to rescue me.
Be my rock of refuge,
a stronghold to save me.
You are my rock and my fortress;
for your name's sake lead and guide me.
Free me from the net they have set for me,
for you are my refuge.
Into your hands I commend my spirit;
you will redeem me, Lord, faithful God.
You hate those who serve worthless idols,
but I trust in the Lord.
I will rejoice and be glad in your love,
once you have seen my misery,
observed my distress.
You will not abondon me into enemy hands,
but will set my feet in a free and open space...

I feel a little better. I won $31 tonight, playing craps with the boys.

SONOFABITCH! Things aren't improving too much. Some fucker almost ran over my dog this morning. What a fucking moron. I swear...

In other news, I got some mom's day shopping done. I want to get something for my Lola. =)

1 flat tire + 1 minor car accident (right before drama class) + 1 more flat tire when I get home = 1 fucked up final presentation for drama = >: (

I can't say that the day didn't have its high points...but my car is a piece of shit and I don't feel like talking about what happened. Luckily, the professor sympathized with my situation. I'm so pissed off too! I worked hard on that and I managed to fuck something up and lose my focus. FUCK!

Maybe I'll talk about the good stuff later...in the meantime: FUCK EVERYTHING. grrrrrrrrr...

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! This weekend better make up for all this crap that just happened.

Not happy...not happy at ALL.

WHY ME?!?! DAMMIT!

Oh, I forgot to mention...

Good luck EO! I'll pray for your success in your auditions. KNOCK EM DEAD!

I just keep running into some old faces. Oddly enough, an old friend, Alex found my site last night clicking links. The even weirder part is that I ran into him on campus and I haven't seen him in ages. Now, I'm in some sort computer lab in the Computer Science building, talking up a storm. heh. Oh if you're wondering why I'm not in my Art History class, the teach cancelled class. First. Time. EVER.

good times.

1) went to holy family confirmation ceremony...and found out that Terry's sister got married right before the ceremony!
2) went to kookee's party
3) lost $7 at craps. haha.
4) went to debut practice
5) went to see my cousin for her 2nd birthday

that's my weekend. too lazy to type more. bye.

Nothing like craps night with the guys.

Tonight, I went to Gail's for Kookee's birthday. I had a great time and it was nice to unwind for a change. Just had a few drinks and I went to my friends house to shoot some craps.

I've been having a great weekend so far. I can't wait for next week. haha.

I'll fill you in on the rest of my Saturday when I wake up. heh.

I went to the mall tonight to get myself something to make myself feel a little better. haha. I got this cool shirt with the "Red Baron" Snoopy on it. It made my day.

haha. Stupid credit card...

Bad day at work.

I wanna leave the house tonight and do something fun. I'm just so IRRITATED!

And I quote...
sara: nobody cares about you, stop complaining as if people give a damn! I shouldnt have clicked on this gay ass link!

That sounds very mature, doesn't it?

Sara, if you're reading this site again, you officially have no life.

Marlene just handed you your ass on a platter. Open your mind before opening your mouth, you sound so stupid for making a premature judgement of someone you've never met. You cannot love or hate something about someone if it does not reflect something that you love or hate yourself. Pathetic. Last time I checked, a church youth leader cares about his students and they in turn care about me. Check yourself before you wreck yourself...

I could go on and on and prove you wrong, but I think Marlene did more than enough. If one person was able to stand up for me, imagine the number of people who would do much worse to you.

Meh. Enough of this childish horseplay. I have better things to worry about than some unknown hating on me. I'm more secure than that. Sara, go back to whatever it is you call your life and salvage whatever's left of it.

To everyone else, feel free to scroll down on my tagboard and have a laugh for yourself. It made my day.

Despite that tag on my board, I'm glad to be home.

Ready for some thoughts? I hope so. I feel like I have a lot to say tonight.

Randy gave this great talk. Although it was geared towards the students, I got a lot out of it.

These are not in any particular order...

What you need to make a friendship work:
1. Trust - Naturally, there needs to be a mutual trust.
2. Respect - My #1 quality...I can't stand to be disrespected. It's not in me to disrespect anyone in any manner. No one deserves to have their integrity compromised.
3. Honesty - There's no point to lying to someone you care about.
4. Openess - We need to be open to each others differences while we appreciate the commonalities
5. Communication - Every relationship needs an open line of communication.
6. Loyalty - Who wants someone who one cannot depend on?
7. Humor - Every now and then you have to laugh about something...
8. Understanding - One must be able to understand the other's point of view. We are all different.
9. Love - Self explanatory...
10. Patience - We all need patience to deal when things get rocky.
11. Courage - It takes courage to fix things, when everything is going wrong.
12. Strength - Sometimes we have to help carry the crosses of others.
13. Memory - I'm bad with birthdays and favorite things...but I try my best. heh.
14. Kindness/Generosity - To give is to receive...
15. Effort - There is NO relationship that doesn't require effort.

There was one answer that intrigued me: SILENCE. There will come a time where communication will stop between you and this person. This time came between me and one person. The way things are...this person must REALLY want this to work, considering we don't talk at all anymore. What's even worse is I have no idea what came between us in the first place. I can't really control anything about it. As much as it hurt me to do it, I had to let it go. I can't deal with people that I don't matter to. Forgiving is one thing, but I cannot forgive someone who doesn't feel that they need to be forgiven. Which, to my understanding, is one of the worst mindsets to have. What would the world be like without forgiveness? There would be no point in life. No one would even be alive if forgiveness didn't exist. Get over your shit. I am.

I try so hard to put others first...on occasion it's to the point where I'm wimpering in their fucking shadow. I'm tired of pretending like there's nothing wrong. I'm tired of seeking answers that won't be given to me so willingly. I'm tired of wondering what I did wrong when in fact there was no wrong doing. I'm tired of having to meet people halfway, because I end up having to go more than halfway. What is it that people want from me? I give so much that it hurts and I'm being kicked while I'm hurting. When do I get to be validated? I am so taxed by the troubles of other people, but why don't people tax over mine? Like I said before...it's time I stand up and break away from everything that haunts me.

The Grace given by God cannot really be described, like the wind...it can just be felt. It's in forgiving and being forgiven. It's in the friendships and relationships we are in. It's when you feel like someone actually cares about your well-being. It's when there is a mutual understanding. It's when we finally realize that we need to be comforted...to finally swallow our pride and step up and fix things. I wish some people would just open their eyes, swallow their pride, shut their mouths and listen to ME for a change. I feel like I've been a vessel of God's Grace to other people, but some just don't get it. I need His Grace back in my life. I feel like I've been cheated.

I can easily forgive...but I don't forget. I may have given up, but that's no reason for me to turn my back...even though others have turned their backs on me.

The Grace of God is out there. It's time I got a bigger piece of that pie.